Dr. Karl Pillemer

I'm saying this because it fits with all of our work.

The general principle with your older parents or your adult children of something along the lines of let them is the actual advice that they would give.

And it works both ways.

So I have tremendous... If I can confess to the world, I think that my children would agree.

I have lots of ideas about how my children should...

have different health habits.

And, you know, actually, fortunately, they're great at raising their children.

I can't complain about that.

But I have lots of ideas of what they should do.

And it's a daily process of not seeing them.

And so I think what I had said to them both eventually is, look, I'm going to work on this.

The only exception I'll make if I think something is actually dangerous, like if there's something that I think is going to be life-threatening to somebody which hasn't occurred.

But otherwise, I'm going to try to withhold my advice.

Very similarly, like for adult children, you don't need to go home at Thanksgiving and try to convince your parent that it's time for them to sell the house and move into assisted living.

I mean, in that situation, you let them make their own mistakes and accept natural consequences.

It doesn't mean that you can't give advice.

I would say one of the strongest things is don't give unsolicited advice.

I mean, just get out of the habit.

or 30 or 40 years of research showing that unsolicited advice about a problem you're having is stressful, especially if it's somebody who hasn't been through the same issue.

I will give another strong principle for this.