Dr. Karl Pillemer

So I thought that, hmm, I mean, it just sent me on this quest.

You know, I'm sure you've had this every once in a while.

Something happens when you realize you're about to go on a journey that for me led, you know, talking to these hundreds of people over many years, but where I just had to understand how can there be this paradox of happiness and aging where many older people

despite all the problems they have, have solved some of life's individual problems and are very happy.

How could we find that out and not waste that resource?

Okay.

So like a runner up is that even though a lot of these people grew up in the Great Depression, they think you should find work you love and not work just for money.

They have many other kinds of specific advice that we can come to.

But I would sum up, and this is one piece where I see a real interaction with let them theory as well.

If I were to sum up maybe that core piece of advice or really one of the big ones is the secret to a fulfilling life is to be able to distinguish and act on the difference between what you can control and what you can't.

So it's a difference between controlling your own actions while acknowledging that you can't always control outcomes.

So what you can do is,

is you can make a decision to value people and experiences over things.

But what you can do is very carefully devote time and attention to personal relationships.

What you can do is make a daily decision to put mindless worry aside.

And by the way, about worry, I know that we'll come back to it, but imagine 2,000 grandparents yelling at you, "'Stop worrying so much.

You're going to regret wasting the time on it.'"

You would act as much as you can with honesty and integrity because you know you're going to regret it later on.

You would stop worrying so much about things that you can't control.

You can't control exactly how your children turn out.