Dr. Marc Brackett

I can stomp my feet, you know, as a boy because I'm feeling sad just because it's more culturally acceptable for me to stomp than to cry. And so why are you so angry? Maybe I'm feeling shame. which is my experience, you know, I was yelling and screaming as a kid because I was being bullied so much. And then my mother would be like, you know, who do you think you are talking to me that way?

And then my father would say, go to your room. And I'd be like, is anybody reading my emotions properly or asking me how I'm feeling? Because you would know that I'm acting out because of fear and shame. Never happened because of a variety of reasons of, you know, triggering my parents and they didn't have such high emotional intelligence. They love me, just didn't have high emotional intelligence.

And then my father would say, go to your room. And I'd be like, is anybody reading my emotions properly or asking me how I'm feeling? Because you would know that I'm acting out because of fear and shame. Never happened because of a variety of reasons of, you know, triggering my parents and they didn't have such high emotional intelligence. They love me, just didn't have high emotional intelligence.

And then my father would say, go to your room. And I'd be like, is anybody reading my emotions properly or asking me how I'm feeling? Because you would know that I'm acting out because of fear and shame. Never happened because of a variety of reasons of, you know, triggering my parents and they didn't have such high emotional intelligence. They love me, just didn't have high emotional intelligence.

And so going back to the anger-disappointment one, unmet expectations versus perceived injustice. And so when you think about it in terms of the strategy, like for example, my other career, just as a martial arts teacher, So I have a fifth degree black belt in a Korean martial art called Hapkido. So if this podcast doesn't go so well.

And so going back to the anger-disappointment one, unmet expectations versus perceived injustice. And so when you think about it in terms of the strategy, like for example, my other career, just as a martial arts teacher, So I have a fifth degree black belt in a Korean martial art called Hapkido. So if this podcast doesn't go so well.

And so going back to the anger-disappointment one, unmet expectations versus perceived injustice. And so when you think about it in terms of the strategy, like for example, my other career, just as a martial arts teacher, So I have a fifth degree black belt in a Korean martial art called Hapkido. So if this podcast doesn't go so well.

Anyhow, I was an awkward kid, had a very insecure, low self-esteem. I got into the martial arts. I thought, I'm going to get my yellow belt and I'm going to feel tough and proud. Failed my freaking yellow belt test. I mean, at 13 years old, you couldn't imagine like, there's nothing worse than for a 13-year-old kid who's feeling shame and being bullied to fail a yellow belt test. So what do I do?

Anyhow, I was an awkward kid, had a very insecure, low self-esteem. I got into the martial arts. I thought, I'm going to get my yellow belt and I'm going to feel tough and proud. Failed my freaking yellow belt test. I mean, at 13 years old, you couldn't imagine like, there's nothing worse than for a 13-year-old kid who's feeling shame and being bullied to fail a yellow belt test. So what do I do?

Anyhow, I was an awkward kid, had a very insecure, low self-esteem. I got into the martial arts. I thought, I'm going to get my yellow belt and I'm going to feel tough and proud. Failed my freaking yellow belt test. I mean, at 13 years old, you couldn't imagine like, there's nothing worse than for a 13-year-old kid who's feeling shame and being bullied to fail a yellow belt test. So what do I do?

I go home. I hate karate. I'm never going back to karate. Everybody's in uproar. I'm getting yelled at. I'm paying for your karate. You're going back to, you know, whatever. And the truth was, let's think about that for a minute. So I go to take the test, and I've got to do my blocks and my kicks, you know, my punches. I know there's five kicks. There's five punches. And let's say...

I go home. I hate karate. I'm never going back to karate. Everybody's in uproar. I'm getting yelled at. I'm paying for your karate. You're going back to, you know, whatever. And the truth was, let's think about that for a minute. So I go to take the test, and I've got to do my blocks and my kicks, you know, my punches. I know there's five kicks. There's five punches. And let's say...

I go home. I hate karate. I'm never going back to karate. Everybody's in uproar. I'm getting yelled at. I'm paying for your karate. You're going back to, you know, whatever. And the truth was, let's think about that for a minute. So I go to take the test, and I've got to do my blocks and my kicks, you know, my punches. I know there's five kicks. There's five punches. And let's say...

I do them the best I can, but the sensei just says, you know, Mark, it's just not good enough. You're not ready yet. That's legitimate disappointment. I expected to pass. I didn't pass. I'm feeling disappointed. So the strategy for that is what? Tutor, help. Show me what I have to do better.

I do them the best I can, but the sensei just says, you know, Mark, it's just not good enough. You're not ready yet. That's legitimate disappointment. I expected to pass. I didn't pass. I'm feeling disappointed. So the strategy for that is what? Tutor, help. Show me what I have to do better.

I do them the best I can, but the sensei just says, you know, Mark, it's just not good enough. You're not ready yet. That's legitimate disappointment. I expected to pass. I didn't pass. I'm feeling disappointed. So the strategy for that is what? Tutor, help. Show me what I have to do better.

On the other hand, let's say, which was true for me, that some of the kids who were the bullies in my middle school also took karate.

On the other hand, let's say, which was true for me, that some of the kids who were the bullies in my middle school also took karate.

On the other hand, let's say, which was true for me, that some of the kids who were the bullies in my middle school also took karate.

And let's imagine they're watching me take my test, and they're giving me some dirty looks because they're going to, you know, threaten me, which did happen, you know, getting changed, going, you know, wait till you see what it's going to be like for you tomorrow on the way to school. Now how am I feeling? Terrorized, fearful. And I failed my test because of that.