Dr. Marielle Bouquet

That's an internal job.

And so it's going to be really critical that you pivot that external validation and start to auto validate.

And start really focusing on the ways in which you can enhance your own healing experience.

And one thing that's really important about the people that we start talking to about what's hurting us is that we have to understand that they're only going to be able to meet us at their level of healing.

So if someone is in their deep pain, we can't anticipate that they're going to hold us and say, you know what?

You're right.

I hurt you.

I'm sorry.

They're not going to be able to do that if they haven't themselves had the skills and the tools to actually work through the shame and the anguish of having hurt you enough to meet you in that place, in that conversation where you need them to meet you in order to feel validated.

Yeah, you know, it's that we continue to seek the validation where it never existed because there's a wound there, there's a void there.

But that is especially why we need to learn how to fill that void ourselves.

It's really critical that we, you know, don't rely upon external parties, whether it's our family members or other people in the world, if it's, you know, an intimate partner, anyone to fill a void for us.

Because that also kind of,

is a little bit of the breeding ground for codependency.

So what we want is to adopt self-soothing techniques, have a greater understanding of what is happening inside of that void and what we need in order to continue to fill it and continue to feel whole.

Yes, I love that.

Yes, absolutely.

So, you know, let's say that you're waking up and the very first thing that you have to do is brush your teeth.

As you brush your teeth, you can just visualize, you know, a place that feels serene, that really brings you a lot of peace.

That's something that doesn't have to be baked into your day in, you know, you don't have to like book a yoga studio or like, you know, like go across town and like, you know, spend like three hours trying to get something done.