Dr. Marielle Bouquet

And I don't remember that.

Right.

And so all of that tends to be a part of the conversation when in reality, what's underneath all of that is the shame that this person now has to contend with in order to acknowledge the fact that they have been a cycle keeper and keeping cycles that are unhealthy, flowing through the family and imposing them upon you.

And we can't expect your 70-year-old mother to heal at the same pace and in the same ways and heal to the extent that you have.

It's unrealistic.

We can look at micro moments when maybe she shows insight, maybe there's a bit of acknowledgement, even if it's a tiny one, and we celebrate those wins.

And then we grieve the rest.

Whatever could not be offered, we grieve and we let it go.

And I've seen it both ways.

I've seen parents, adult parents of adult children.

That feel a sense of guilt that they're not able to heal at the same pace as their adult children.

They're not able to really find it in themselves to meet them where they are at.

And that's also really unfair.

Yeah, that's painful.

Um, you really let them, um,

You do?

I mean, you cannot change a person's reaction.

You can change your response.

They're going to react and mock because they're going to reflect their unhealed parts.

And you cannot force them into validating you.