Dr. Martha Beck

And in Asia, the It's a lotus, same thing, a many-petaled flower that keeps opening and opening. Very similar imagery. And that's – I kind of feel that way. When you mention the part of me that used to be so unhappy, it's like, oh, yeah. Yeah, she thought that was real. But I haven't – and it is real. The way a video game is real.

It's something that I believe our consciousness projects this life of misery and even materiality. I happen to think that. Matter is not—consciousness is not made by matter. Matter is made by consciousness, and consciousness is primary. And nobody has the vaguest clue what consciousness actually is, but we have it, so it must exist. And that was what Descartes said.

It's something that I believe our consciousness projects this life of misery and even materiality. I happen to think that. Matter is not—consciousness is not made by matter. Matter is made by consciousness, and consciousness is primary. And nobody has the vaguest clue what consciousness actually is, but we have it, so it must exist. And that was what Descartes said.

He actually—we say—he said, I think, therefore I am. He actually said, I don't know anything. But I doubt everything. And the fact that I doubt means that I'm thinking, so I must exist. He said, I doubt. Therefore, I think. Therefore, I am. So when you get to this place where you're willing to let your mind go wide open, not closed around, oh, there's an afterlife where we sit on clouds.

He actually—we say—he said, I think, therefore I am. He actually said, I don't know anything. But I doubt everything. And the fact that I doubt means that I'm thinking, so I must exist. He said, I doubt. Therefore, I think. Therefore, I am. So when you get to this place where you're willing to let your mind go wide open, not closed around, oh, there's an afterlife where we sit on clouds.

And no, I have no idea what happens when we die. But my mind is open. And the minds we are taught to have by this culture are closed like fists, whether it's around a religion or religion. a sort of atheistic science, because real science has to be open to the mystery. People experience it. You can't just rule that out.

And no, I have no idea what happens when we die. But my mind is open. And the minds we are taught to have by this culture are closed like fists, whether it's around a religion or religion. a sort of atheistic science, because real science has to be open to the mystery. People experience it. You can't just rule that out.

So, yeah, I think that what we're experiencing is a real projection of consciousness, but I think consciousness is something much vaster and more infinite and enduring than matter.

So, yeah, I think that what we're experiencing is a real projection of consciousness, but I think consciousness is something much vaster and more infinite and enduring than matter.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't remember exactly which anesthesia they used, but I asked. So I'm in surgery. They're operating on me. I look around. I sit up. And then I think, why am I sitting up? I'm having surgery. I look down. There's my body. They're operating on it. I was like, this is weird. So I lay back down. And there were bright surgical lights. And the light that appeared between them was just small at first.

I don't remember exactly which anesthesia they used, but I asked. So I'm in surgery. They're operating on me. I look around. I sit up. And then I think, why am I sitting up? I'm having surgery. I look down. There's my body. They're operating on it. I was like, this is weird. So I lay back down. And there were bright surgical lights. And the light that appeared between them was just small at first.

like a golf ball. And it was, they tell us we only see a trillionth of the available light spectrum. We only see a trillionth of the colors that we could, that exist. And I think I could see trillions more colors than I'd ever seen before. And it was

like a golf ball. And it was, they tell us we only see a trillionth of the available light spectrum. We only see a trillionth of the colors that we could, that exist. And I think I could see trillions more colors than I'd ever seen before. And it was

absolutely mesmerizing you could not you would never want to look away from it and then it got bigger in my case and it touched my body and the this feeling of absolute exquisite joy just coursed through me and um And it was the realest thing I'd ever seen, so much realer than the body that was being operated on. And it was laughing with joy. And I was laughing with joy.

absolutely mesmerizing you could not you would never want to look away from it and then it got bigger in my case and it touched my body and the this feeling of absolute exquisite joy just coursed through me and um And it was the realest thing I'd ever seen, so much realer than the body that was being operated on. And it was laughing with joy. And I was laughing with joy.

And I started to cry because it was pure relief, pure happiness. And the surgeons noticed tears coming out of my eyes. And they thought I could feel the surgery and that the anesthesia wasn't strong enough. So they were like, oh, my God, oh, my God, she's feeling this. And the anesthesiologist was freaked out. And then I really didn't notice the rest because I was busy with other things.

And I started to cry because it was pure relief, pure happiness. And the surgeons noticed tears coming out of my eyes. And they thought I could feel the surgery and that the anesthesia wasn't strong enough. So they were like, oh, my God, oh, my God, she's feeling this. And the anesthesiologist was freaked out. And then I really didn't notice the rest because I was busy with other things.

But the moment I woke up, I was like, bring me the anesthesiologist, please. Actually, I couldn't stop crying for hours because I loved everyone so much. And I was just like, everybody that was there, there was a janitor. I was like, I love you so much. So they brought me the anesthesiologist, and he seemed terrified, which I didn't understand. Now I do.