Dr. Mary-Frances O'Connor

I never wrote about it that way. But I've come up with a better maybe way to communicate, I think, what's going on. So I live in the desert southwest in Tucson, Arizona. And I can tell you, if you forget your water bottle and you are out on a hike and you're halfway through, you cannot think of anything else other than water, right?

I never wrote about it that way. But I've come up with a better maybe way to communicate, I think, what's going on. So I live in the desert southwest in Tucson, Arizona. And I can tell you, if you forget your water bottle and you are out on a hike and you're halfway through, you cannot think of anything else other than water, right?

I never wrote about it that way. But I've come up with a better maybe way to communicate, I think, what's going on. So I live in the desert southwest in Tucson, Arizona. And I can tell you, if you forget your water bottle and you are out on a hike and you're halfway through, you cannot think of anything else other than water, right?

You are obsessed with thinking about it, getting it, imagining it, and so forth. But no one would say you were addicted to water, right? Water is something we need. And we have a homeostatic function that says you need more of it. And then once we have it, we feel satiated, right? yearning for a loved one is that kind of thirst. We need our attachment figures like we need food and water.

You are obsessed with thinking about it, getting it, imagining it, and so forth. But no one would say you were addicted to water, right? Water is something we need. And we have a homeostatic function that says you need more of it. And then once we have it, we feel satiated, right? yearning for a loved one is that kind of thirst. We need our attachment figures like we need food and water.

You are obsessed with thinking about it, getting it, imagining it, and so forth. But no one would say you were addicted to water, right? Water is something we need. And we have a homeostatic function that says you need more of it. And then once we have it, we feel satiated, right? yearning for a loved one is that kind of thirst. We need our attachment figures like we need food and water.

They are basic to our survival. And I think we forget that in modern society where we can sort of We need our spouse. We need our children, our parents, our siblings. And we fail to thrive when we don't have them. And so I think the activation in that area is just the cue of change. You really need to reach out for this person.

They are basic to our survival. And I think we forget that in modern society where we can sort of We need our spouse. We need our children, our parents, our siblings. And we fail to thrive when we don't have them. And so I think the activation in that area is just the cue of change. You really need to reach out for this person.

They are basic to our survival. And I think we forget that in modern society where we can sort of We need our spouse. We need our children, our parents, our siblings. And we fail to thrive when we don't have them. And so I think the activation in that area is just the cue of change. You really need to reach out for this person.

And the process of grieving is, if I'm going to reach out, it's going to look different than it did before. Maybe I'm going to have a conversation. Maybe I'm going to talk to my sister. But also, you have to find another way to get your attachment needs met. There has to be someone else in your life whom you would say, I will always be there for you. You will always be there for me.

And the process of grieving is, if I'm going to reach out, it's going to look different than it did before. Maybe I'm going to have a conversation. Maybe I'm going to talk to my sister. But also, you have to find another way to get your attachment needs met. There has to be someone else in your life whom you would say, I will always be there for you. You will always be there for me.

And the process of grieving is, if I'm going to reach out, it's going to look different than it did before. Maybe I'm going to have a conversation. Maybe I'm going to talk to my sister. But also, you have to find another way to get your attachment needs met. There has to be someone else in your life whom you would say, I will always be there for you. You will always be there for me.

Because this person who's left this earthly plane cannot be that anymore.

Because this person who's left this earthly plane cannot be that anymore.

Because this person who's left this earthly plane cannot be that anymore.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

I think recently a lot about what is a good outcome. I've spent a lot of time in my career thinking, what is a bad outcome when we're grieving? And how might we most help people who are not integrating this in a way that's allowing them to restore a meaningful life? But And I've shied away a lot from the question of what is a good outcome because I think it has a normative quality to it.

I think recently a lot about what is a good outcome. I've spent a lot of time in my career thinking, what is a bad outcome when we're grieving? And how might we most help people who are not integrating this in a way that's allowing them to restore a meaningful life? But And I've shied away a lot from the question of what is a good outcome because I think it has a normative quality to it.