Dr. Nicole LePera

You'll make me so mad. Yeah, that's so true. And I think another hand-in-hand with this is we personalize. We assume that people are doing or not doing things on purpose to annoy us, especially in those long-term relationships.

You'll make me so mad. Yeah, that's so true. And I think another hand-in-hand with this is we personalize. We assume that people are doing or not doing things on purpose to annoy us, especially in those long-term relationships.

You didn't do the dishes specifically to upset me today when the reason the dishes weren't done might have had nothing to do or we might not even have been on our partner's radar in that moment that we might have liked to be.

You didn't do the dishes specifically to upset me today when the reason the dishes weren't done might have had nothing to do or we might not even have been on our partner's radar in that moment that we might have liked to be.

But it might not have been as an intentional thing. of an act or inaction. I think that's another thing we commonly do.

But it might not have been as an intentional thing. of an act or inaction. I think that's another thing we commonly do.

We assume a very directed, intentional meaning for others' behaviors that has something to do with us when the partner might have been running out of the house quickly or not had the emotional bandwidth to tend to something in the physical world in that moment and had nothing to do with us at all.

We assume a very directed, intentional meaning for others' behaviors that has something to do with us when the partner might have been running out of the house quickly or not had the emotional bandwidth to tend to something in the physical world in that moment and had nothing to do with us at all.

And we don't want to go back and feel that pain again. It's very understandable, this idea that that's back there. It's not here now. What's important, I think, is to understand the distinction between the word I keep using, becoming conscious or aware of something that I like to describe like overhead lights on in a room.

And we don't want to go back and feel that pain again. It's very understandable, this idea that that's back there. It's not here now. What's important, I think, is to understand the distinction between the word I keep using, becoming conscious or aware of something that I like to describe like overhead lights on in a room.

We're able to note the presence of the thoughts, the repetitive thoughts quite often, the sensations or emotions in the body, the then behaviors oftentimes driven by habitual autopilot that we're enacting in any given moment. That is different than a hyper-focused thinking.

We're able to note the presence of the thoughts, the repetitive thoughts quite often, the sensations or emotions in the body, the then behaviors oftentimes driven by habitual autopilot that we're enacting in any given moment. That is different than a hyper-focused thinking.

or a kind of thinking about that like a spotlight and a lot of us and this would come up too in traditional therapy when we continue to ruminate whether in our own minds about what happened whether in you know relational or therapeutic experience where we're hyper focusing talking about what happened even some of us misconstrue what self-awareness is and we think we're self-analyzing

or a kind of thinking about that like a spotlight and a lot of us and this would come up too in traditional therapy when we continue to ruminate whether in our own minds about what happened whether in you know relational or therapeutic experience where we're hyper focusing talking about what happened even some of us misconstrue what self-awareness is and we think we're self-analyzing

by always thinking about what happened or its impact in the current moment. Anytime we're in that zoomed in kind of thinking activity, not just illumination, lights are on, I can note it, I can easily, just as equally easily choose to put my attention somewhere else. Then I think the byproduct of that can be that idea of right where my attention goes, my energy flows, it's becoming bigger.

by always thinking about what happened or its impact in the current moment. Anytime we're in that zoomed in kind of thinking activity, not just illumination, lights are on, I can note it, I can easily, just as equally easily choose to put my attention somewhere else. Then I think the byproduct of that can be that idea of right where my attention goes, my energy flows, it's becoming bigger.

I'm becoming consumed by what happened, only focused on what happened. Or keeping myself impossible of thinking about anything else sometimes because I think I'm self-analyzing or self-discovering. So becoming conscious is the most empowering step of change as I've been sharing throughout.

I'm becoming consumed by what happened, only focused on what happened. Or keeping myself impossible of thinking about anything else sometimes because I think I'm self-analyzing or self-discovering. So becoming conscious is the most empowering step of change as I've been sharing throughout.

Becoming aware because even if we do think the past is decades in our rear view mirror, chances are there are some habits that

Becoming aware because even if we do think the past is decades in our rear view mirror, chances are there are some habits that