Dr. Nicole LePera

I didn't have

curfews that were early.

I was always out late to the same time she was out aloud.

When I would come home, even my parents were already in bed.

So I would literally stumble through the living room on.

I mean, it blows my mind to think about what I was putting into my body at that time from drinking and smoking to pills that I would buy off the street.

And I lived in a city.

So all of this

was accessible and available, and it helped me feel more comfortable.

And I had the freedom to do that, and I did it hidden.

And yet I would still wake up at 6 a.m.

the next day, go pitch a softball tournament, win it, and seemingly be fine.

And so I speak a lot, and I have a whole chapter in the book dedicated to what I believe addictions are.

Whether or not I would call myself addicted at that time, I know that I used it to cope.

to cope with emptiness, disconnection, loneliness, nervous system dysregulation, again, because it made me feel more comfortable, more relatable, and more connected to my peers.

When I was born, my mom was 42, my dad was 45, my sister was 15 years older than me, and I do have a brother who I'm much less close to, but he was 18 years older than me and nearly out of the home living his own life as an 18-year-old would be.

So I was largely unplanned.

By that time, my mom was already struggling throughout my entire life.

She had a lot of chronic illness, chronic pain, so she spent a lot of time laying, resting in bed, which is why she would be in bed early when I got home late.

I really leaned into it.