Dr. Nicole LePera

We can't even feel safe, contrary to what was even possible.

Popular parenting wisdom up until recently, a child can't soothe themselves on their own, right?

They need a calm, grounded caregiver to show up when they're upset, crying, dysregulated, hungry, tired, or whatever to be soothed their nervous system.

So with safety and security being the first kind of foundational area, again, that is so greatly impacted by who, if anyone was around when we needed them.

Mm-hmm.

And then more so how safe they were, right, as a person to calm us down where they regulated enough to actually send those signals to our body through co-regulation of our nervous system to calm us down when we needed it.

And then we kind of progress through development, right, once safety and security happens.

And the next thing we do, those of us who have any interaction with toddlers, maybe have our own, right, the next thing is we separate from that home base that's safe and secure to go individuate.

Right.

We go, we explore, we need boundaries, we need limits, we need discipline to be told when we're crossing boundaries and limits and come back to safety.

Right.

And again, we're learning in all of these areas based on who or what is happening around us.

And then we kind of progress from there into a more emotional space where we become attuned.

right, to other people emotionally.

We kind of interact.

We develop agency.

We see that choices that we make have impact in the world around us, specifically other people and how they feel.

Then, right, the learning that we do is we become ourselves after we've

Nowhere do we find safety.

We know how to kind of go out and explore ourselves.