Dr. Nicole McNichols

And you start to think, oh, this, I want this.

This feels good.

And then one thing leads to another and you are having incredible sex.

We need to give ourselves permission to explore the possibility of intimacy on certain evenings where we're not quite positive if it's what we're really aiming for that night, right?

Give our bodies time to turn on.

I mean, one of the most common refrains is, I need more foreplay.

And so, yes, and that revolves around this idea that we tend to treat sex according to this very heteronormative script where you start kissing, you start touching, maybe there's a little bit of oral, you go to penetration, he has an orgasm and it's over.

Very sad script.

Everyone's thinking, were you in my bedroom last night like Dr. McNichols?

Exactly.

We need to throw that out, right?

This is one of the reasons that we find a huge orgasm gap is that we rely so heavily on that idea of penetrative sex being put on a pedestal.

It's also why when we look at queer couples, they tend to have more equal and higher levels of orgasm rate because they're not just starting from the position of, oh, you know, sex equals penetration and then he comes and it's over.

But if we're regularly setting a part time with our partner to allow us to transition mentally and calm our nervous systems, right?

Allow our nervous systems to sync up, connect with each other, not just about our days, but about larger things happening in our lives that we're excited or anxious or worried about and really feeling seen and heard.

in that moment, if we're setting, again, this time for intimacy, that's going to lead to much better and more frequent sex.

The reality that most people are not taught is that only 18% of women can have an orgasm from penetrative sex alone.

Only 18%?

Let that sink in.

18%!