Dr Paul Eastwick

But you got to have a coherent tale for how things went wrong.

Otherwise, it's very hard for people to get over.

Yeah.

I mean, that, that, that's really key.

And like, in part, that's why people keep wanting to rehash the story, right?

That's why they want friends around to, to tell the story to over and over and over again.

I mean, this can be really hard in cases where there's deception involved and it's like, you feel like you got to like sift through the pieces, right?

Because you really need the story of, of what actually happened.

Well, it's really, you need a story.

And I think it's, I think in part, the reason why is that, I mean, in general, narratives are very helpful for people.

I mean, whether it's a narrative about like the course of my life or what I'm doing with myself this year, people love narratives, but it's especially true in breakups too.

I think because people need to feel like, okay, I've gone through the

challenge part of this story and now I'm coming out the other side and there's reason for hope because I have learned something I won't make that mistake again or I have grown I have you know new skills and abilities that are going to help me next time

So when you feel those things, you have some sense of optimism for the future and things just don't totally feel chaotic.

like a relationship based zygonic effect type yeah that's interesting yeah I think that probably is part of it that like you need to feel like the prior thing has closed down before you can move on to the next thing and that can be too why like getting in a new relationship helps because if you're spending all your time thinking about this new person then you're not thinking about the old one I suppose the problem that you encounter there is if you move on

Yeah, right.

Exactly.

There is.

OK, so so I think I've told you this before, but I've got this movie podcast with Eli Finkel where we talk.

It's called Love Factually and we talk about movies and we just covered my best friend's wedding.