Dr Paul Eastwick

This is in large part why compatibility is also tied to history.

The history you have with another person

is just a huge part of why we end up, you know, loving this person rather than somebody else.

Like, in some ways, that's not that romantic.

It's like, what, I just could have loved anybody if they'd been nearby?

Like, yeah, kind of.

But also, isn't it beautiful that people create these things together over time and that this can really be something, the goofy and jokes, whatever, that really sustains them?

What are the pro-relationship biases at play then?

Yeah.

So luckily, we've got all of these wonderful pro-relationship biases that help us to maintain relationships over time.

I would say probably the main one is that people tend to derogate alternative partners.

This is important.

I mean, it gets back to our earlier discussion.

How can an 8 be with a 5?

Well, when there are attractive partners coming up to that 8...

those attractive alternative partners are already operating at a disadvantage because if they're eights too, she sees them as sixes.

It's like an automatic bias that's built in right off the top that downgrades anybody else who's going to come along.

At least this is what the average person does in a relationship.

This is an important defense mechanism.

It means that, you know, when the person in the cubicle next to me is kind of flirting with me, I like literally don't notice.