Dr. Peter Attia

And again, I use the word wounded as kind of a broad emotional term. The problem is they tend to become maladaptive later in life. He gives a great example of a father who is physically abusing the mother of his child. And whenever this happened, the child would run into his bedroom out of fear because dad is getting violent. He's hurting mom.

And again, I use the word wounded as kind of a broad emotional term. The problem is they tend to become maladaptive later in life. He gives a great example of a father who is physically abusing the mother of his child. And whenever this happened, the child would run into his bedroom out of fear because dad is getting violent. He's hurting mom.

But one day, the child's fear that his mother was going to be hurt was so great that he ran into the bathroom and pretended that he was sick as a way to distract the father. So the father screams at the mother and says, look what you're doing. Your hysterical whining has made your son sick. And this temporary distraction actually prevented his father from injuring the mother.

But one day, the child's fear that his mother was going to be hurt was so great that he ran into the bathroom and pretended that he was sick as a way to distract the father. So the father screams at the mother and says, look what you're doing. Your hysterical whining has made your son sick. And this temporary distraction actually prevented his father from injuring the mother.

So that was an amazing adaption. That child basically learned that he could be deceptive and manipulative, and it actually worked. It was a really good adaptation, and it probably will serve that child well for some time. The problem is it will not serve that child well as an adult.

So that was an amazing adaption. That child basically learned that he could be deceptive and manipulative, and it actually worked. It was a really good adaptation, and it probably will serve that child well for some time. The problem is it will not serve that child well as an adult.

He describes these adaptations as old friends that serve you well, but lose their utility and become destructive as you age. And so, again, what are these four branches? These four branches are codependency, which he calls an outer reach for inner security, addictive patterns. Again, these are the most obvious in some ways, so substances, but also work, process, obsession, things of that nature.

He describes these adaptations as old friends that serve you well, but lose their utility and become destructive as you age. And so, again, what are these four branches? These four branches are codependency, which he calls an outer reach for inner security, addictive patterns. Again, these are the most obvious in some ways, so substances, but also work, process, obsession, things of that nature.

attachment issues where the common thread is sort of insecurity. So there's kind of an anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, disorganized attachments. He goes into these in details. And then just kind of a bucket for all other maladaptive strategies here. And I'm sure people can think of many examples.

attachment issues where the common thread is sort of insecurity. So there's kind of an anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, disorganized attachments. He goes into these in details. And then just kind of a bucket for all other maladaptive strategies here. And I'm sure people can think of many examples.

So I think I've learned a lot over the past seven or eight years on this, but I think Jeff sums it up so well. And I've seen this over and over in myself, in my patients. When you're working through trauma, or if you're on the fence about whether or not you should work through trauma, it's worth remembering. you're either going to deal with it or it's going to deal with you.

So I think I've learned a lot over the past seven or eight years on this, but I think Jeff sums it up so well. And I've seen this over and over in myself, in my patients. When you're working through trauma, or if you're on the fence about whether or not you should work through trauma, it's worth remembering. you're either going to deal with it or it's going to deal with you.

These things cannot be buried. They're going to always, like a whack-a-mole thing, always show up at some point and you can't play whack-a-mole indefinitely. The first step, I think, is just accepting that that's the case and that there's a better way to be and that these coping strategies, while incredibly valuable, are probably not helping you.

These things cannot be buried. They're going to always, like a whack-a-mole thing, always show up at some point and you can't play whack-a-mole indefinitely. The first step, I think, is just accepting that that's the case and that there's a better way to be and that these coping strategies, while incredibly valuable, are probably not helping you.

that you may indeed be passing on maladaptive behaviors to your kids if you're a parent, and dealing with something that he describes as putting the adaptive child out of the driver's seat and into the back of the car. So those are probably some of the important things I would take from that episode. I don't think that this summary even remotely serves as a substitute for listening to that.

that you may indeed be passing on maladaptive behaviors to your kids if you're a parent, and dealing with something that he describes as putting the adaptive child out of the driver's seat and into the back of the car. So those are probably some of the important things I would take from that episode. I don't think that this summary even remotely serves as a substitute for listening to that.

So if you missed that episode and anything I said even remotely piques your curiosity, I think you've got to go back to it.

So if you missed that episode and anything I said even remotely piques your curiosity, I think you've got to go back to it.

to practice, we've talked about this on other podcasts, but practicing or understanding what your practice looks like to expand your distress tolerance window. I write about this quite a bit in the final chapter of Outlive, but it's sort of knowing the things that you do that give you a greater operating window.

to practice, we've talked about this on other podcasts, but practicing or understanding what your practice looks like to expand your distress tolerance window. I write about this quite a bit in the final chapter of Outlive, but it's sort of knowing the things that you do that give you a greater operating window.