Dr. Ramani Durvasula

Like, I can't even believe that this is the issue. Like you put me through so much. Reverse victim and offender. He was out till one in the morning and he knows it. But now he shut down the conversation. It is an insidious dynamic because done enough, you literally strip another person of their reality. And that is unacceptable to me. That's absolute abuse.

Like, I can't even believe that this is the issue. Like you put me through so much. Reverse victim and offender. He was out till one in the morning and he knows it. But now he shut down the conversation. It is an insidious dynamic because done enough, you literally strip another person of their reality. And that is unacceptable to me. That's absolute abuse.

All the time. All the time. It is the dynamic that once it had name to it. When the word is used right, most people use this word wrong. That whole process I described is gaslighting. When the word is used correctly, it's powerful. It captures a unique interpersonal dynamic that really eats people from the inside out. I hear it. I see it all the time.

All the time. All the time. It is the dynamic that once it had name to it. When the word is used right, most people use this word wrong. That whole process I described is gaslighting. When the word is used correctly, it's powerful. It captures a unique interpersonal dynamic that really eats people from the inside out. I hear it. I see it all the time.

by family members, by partners, in the workplace, you name it. And it really messes people up because they feel like they've lost their minds and they feel like they can't trust themselves. And I think that's a terrible thing to do to someone.

by family members, by partners, in the workplace, you name it. And it really messes people up because they feel like they've lost their minds and they feel like they can't trust themselves. And I think that's a terrible thing to do to someone.

When you know what it is and someone starts to gaslight you, they literally deny your reality, right? You have to take a step back and say, that's not what happened. But you don't say it to them. The importance with gaslighting is you don't engage with the gaslighter. You now know you're being gaslighted, which means... the other person in that interaction has the capacity to gaslight you.

When you know what it is and someone starts to gaslight you, they literally deny your reality, right? You have to take a step back and say, that's not what happened. But you don't say it to them. The importance with gaslighting is you don't engage with the gaslighter. You now know you're being gaslighted, which means... the other person in that interaction has the capacity to gaslight you.

So what that means is from your side, you need to shut it down. And that means no longer engaging. So you cannot keep engaging with them because they're going to pull you down.

So what that means is from your side, you need to shut it down. And that means no longer engaging. So you cannot keep engaging with them because they're going to pull you down.

Yeah, it's almost like they're going to pull you down into being drowned or pull you into the quicksand. So when they start gaslighting, I never said that. One playback could be, we're having a different experience then. And leave it at that.

Yeah, it's almost like they're going to pull you down into being drowned or pull you into the quicksand. So when they start gaslighting, I never said that. One playback could be, we're having a different experience then. And leave it at that.

Don't go down the slope. Don't say, don't show them the text message. Don't pull out the email. Don't try to prove them wrong. Don't engage with them. It's funny you're asking me this because I was recently gaslighted, relatively recently in a professional situation. And I'm thinking, not me. I don't know much, but I know this. But they did. I was. And I got very upset.

Don't go down the slope. Don't say, don't show them the text message. Don't pull out the email. Don't try to prove them wrong. Don't engage with them. It's funny you're asking me this because I was recently gaslighted, relatively recently in a professional situation. And I'm thinking, not me. I don't know much, but I know this. But they did. I was. And I got very upset.

And in this particular situation, it was actually, I understand why I got, it was like, think of it as a corporate structure that was gaslighting me. So sometimes very nice people who work in corporate systems gaslight because they're trying to prop up the narcissism of the corporation, but they're decent human beings. It was very clear to me. I've seen that happen.

And in this particular situation, it was actually, I understand why I got, it was like, think of it as a corporate structure that was gaslighting me. So sometimes very nice people who work in corporate systems gaslight because they're trying to prop up the narcissism of the corporation, but they're decent human beings. It was very clear to me. I've seen that happen.

But in this particular case, I was being gaslighted. I got upset though. Knowing all I know, knowing all the tactics, it's very dehumanizing to have your reality completely doubted. And so I did feel a sense of upset, but I confronted the person. I said, this is gaslighting and it's not okay. And I know you're better than this. And they happened to be.

But in this particular case, I was being gaslighted. I got upset though. Knowing all I know, knowing all the tactics, it's very dehumanizing to have your reality completely doubted. And so I did feel a sense of upset, but I confronted the person. I said, this is gaslighting and it's not okay. And I know you're better than this. And they happened to be.

This was a lucky case where the gaslighter was not narcissistic. So we came to a conclusion. But when I've been gaslighted by narcissistic people, I just disengage. And I file it away and say, this person is capable of this. There's really not much juice here. This can only go so deep.

This was a lucky case where the gaslighter was not narcissistic. So we came to a conclusion. But when I've been gaslighted by narcissistic people, I just disengage. And I file it away and say, this person is capable of this. There's really not much juice here. This can only go so deep.