Dr. Richard Hogan

You're not my dad.

How dare you?

My dad would, you know, that's a child.

That's a child's psychology pushing you to see how you will respond to that.

And if you get heightened and rise to that and you're meeting them at that level, you're telling them I'm not a safe person here and you're right to be worried about me.

that's problematic too because they're like that's my mom what are you doing with my mom I don't want you with her or that's my dad why are you with my dad and they might have been living together on their own for a while before this new relationship because the separation might have happened you know the breakdown of the relationship might have happened a year ago maybe if they're not rushing into this thing and slowly this new partner hopefully slowly I mean that's what my advice would always be slowly you don't want to bring anybody you know any old Tom, Dick and Harry you're dating into your child's life you want to make sure that they're that they're there for the long haul as much as you can I absolutely think that's a

You want to get a good sense of what they're about.

Nobody wants to think their parent is sexual.

No one wants to think that you're the product of your parents.

Oh, dear Jesus.

But we can never predict anything until, you know, that old Seinfeld joke, you know, I met a lovely guy.

It's like, you haven't met him yet.

You don't know somebody till you live with them, really.

My grandmother used to always say that to me.

You'll never know someone until you live with them.

And she's right, because you'll see them in all their worst moments and tiredness.

Well, cranky and grumpy.

Anybody can be nice out in society.

I mean, anyone can be nice.

Yeah, and you'll see the true person there.