Dr. Robin Stern

It's the undermining of reality. It's the undermining of the ground you stand on. So what happens in couples is that it happens a little bit. Think about your own experience. When did he say to you, you shouldn't be cursing? I'll help you with that. It happens like that where somebody says something and you think either that's crazy or maybe, okay, maybe that's a good idea. It's going to help me.

It's the undermining of reality. It's the undermining of the ground you stand on. So what happens in couples is that it happens a little bit. Think about your own experience. When did he say to you, you shouldn't be cursing? I'll help you with that. It happens like that where somebody says something and you think either that's crazy or maybe, okay, maybe that's a good idea. It's going to help me.

Or I need this from you. If you loved me, you would. So does that resonate with you?

Or I need this from you. If you loved me, you would. So does that resonate with you?

Or I need this from you. If you loved me, you would. So does that resonate with you?

Yeah. Well, that's it. We are trained as women to be agreeable. We are trained to stand in someone else's shoes. We are trained to see whether or not we can accommodate And we have an urge to be like joined with that person so that we're seeing the world in the same way. And the other thing that I think is so powerful is when someone is that certain and keeps insisting, of course you're flirting.

Yeah. Well, that's it. We are trained as women to be agreeable. We are trained to stand in someone else's shoes. We are trained to see whether or not we can accommodate And we have an urge to be like joined with that person so that we're seeing the world in the same way. And the other thing that I think is so powerful is when someone is that certain and keeps insisting, of course you're flirting.

Yeah. Well, that's it. We are trained as women to be agreeable. We are trained to stand in someone else's shoes. We are trained to see whether or not we can accommodate And we have an urge to be like joined with that person so that we're seeing the world in the same way. And the other thing that I think is so powerful is when someone is that certain and keeps insisting, of course you're flirting.

Don't you see how people are responding to you? Look at your facial expressions. Like, are you completely unaware of them? Come on. Even if you begin to have that opening of maybe he's right. Yeah.

Don't you see how people are responding to you? Look at your facial expressions. Like, are you completely unaware of them? Come on. Even if you begin to have that opening of maybe he's right. Yeah.

Don't you see how people are responding to you? Look at your facial expressions. Like, are you completely unaware of them? Come on. Even if you begin to have that opening of maybe he's right. Yeah.

So I thought a lot about that in the run up to coming on the show today also. And I thought, well, was I ever gaslighted as a child? And I think not so much one-on-one. I don't think either of my parents were gaslighters. They were critical, but they were loving. And yet we had this kind of drama going on in the house where my father, who was either very, very happy or very, very angry.

So I thought a lot about that in the run up to coming on the show today also. And I thought, well, was I ever gaslighted as a child? And I think not so much one-on-one. I don't think either of my parents were gaslighters. They were critical, but they were loving. And yet we had this kind of drama going on in the house where my father, who was either very, very happy or very, very angry.

So I thought a lot about that in the run up to coming on the show today also. And I thought, well, was I ever gaslighted as a child? And I think not so much one-on-one. I don't think either of my parents were gaslighters. They were critical, but they were loving. And yet we had this kind of drama going on in the house where my father, who was either very, very happy or very, very angry.

And so it was like, okay and normal for him to be very, very angry. And everybody would feel okay and normal about like hiding in their bedrooms.

And so it was like, okay and normal for him to be very, very angry. And everybody would feel okay and normal about like hiding in their bedrooms.

And so it was like, okay and normal for him to be very, very angry. And everybody would feel okay and normal about like hiding in their bedrooms.

And so it's a little bit like the gaslighting that goes on in society, which is then makes for fertile ground for individual relationship gaslighting, where you just accept because it is the air you breathe, this thing that seems completely normal, that makes you feel scared and terrified some of the time. It's not normal. It's not okay. So that's a little background.

And so it's a little bit like the gaslighting that goes on in society, which is then makes for fertile ground for individual relationship gaslighting, where you just accept because it is the air you breathe, this thing that seems completely normal, that makes you feel scared and terrified some of the time. It's not normal. It's not okay. So that's a little background.

And so it's a little bit like the gaslighting that goes on in society, which is then makes for fertile ground for individual relationship gaslighting, where you just accept because it is the air you breathe, this thing that seems completely normal, that makes you feel scared and terrified some of the time. It's not normal. It's not okay. So that's a little background.