Dr. Robyn Koslowitz

But that's also traumatic.

If you grew up and you said, my kid will never have a parent who does that.

Or if my kid is being bullied, I'm going to intervene the minute it happens.

That experience was traumatic for you.

It's like as simple as that.

Our brains are really, in some ways, extremely efficient.

We might even call them lazy.

So what our brains do is whenever they can, they're gonna copy paste.

And attachment, like the attachment system, the whole system of parenting in our brain,

The fancy term is internal working model, right?

You create, your brain creates this internal working model of attachment and you get it from your own parents.

So your brain is set up to have this circuitry to say, I know what to do.

What would mom do?

What would dad do?

Do that.

Your brain has to work really hard to say, I don't want to do what dad did.

Like you probably thought before you became a dad, you were probably like, oh yeah, I'm just going to not do that and it'll be fine.

And then you find yourself doing that.

And it's like, what just happened?

I didn't want to do that.