Dr. Robyn Koslowitz

And I think that's one of the things that we're traumatized as parents, many of us.

And we have these trauma adaptations that our brain does for us.

But the only thing that at least got me to change it, that made me even see that I needed to change it was my son.

So I think you first – before you take down a fence, you kind of want to figure out what that fence is protecting, right?

So the first thing we have to do is figure out why does your brain do that?

Because to me, dissociation felt like malware.

It didn't feel like I was –

consciously choosing it it took me over like it took over my brain and i did not get a choice and on the one hand that was helpful right but on the other hand it was a little scary so i think you first have to figure out why does my brain do this at certain times maybe it's perfectionism maybe it's being really critical of people maybe it's putting all your energies into work and having none left when you come home

which is like an adaptive dissociation, like workaholism.

Or maybe it's scrolling your phone.

It could be anything that you do.

Maybe it's people-pleasing and never saying no to your kids because you're so scared of other people being upset.

You can't tolerate that.

So what you do...

is first you figure out what are my if then rules if i feel a certain level of stress then i dissociate if i feel a certain level of stress i yell at people if i feel a certain level of stress i people please and i make sure everybody in the room is happy and then you ask yourself how do you know that you say and again i do this in parenting but it's really in any area of life when you mean to do x but y happens right so you say oh

Today, when my boss asks me to do that totally inappropriate thing and gives me a project to finish by close of work today, and it's three o'clock and there's no way I'll leave on time.

And every fiber of my being is saying no.

And I find myself saying yes.

So today I'm going to say no.

I'm going to say, sorry, I need to leave on time today.