Dr. Samantha Boardman

There's a wonderful book called The Book of Delights that I love a lot, written by a philosopher at the University of Chicago. And it really talks about how when we're sort of priming ourselves for this and you can be doing this and you need to do it all the more when you're having a tough day. And I think you need to really override your inclination to go down that rabbit hole and feel worse.

And there's a lot of evidence. One way to do that would be to use what psychologists call self distancing when you. think to yourself, well, what would I advise a friend in this moment to do? Or sometimes I ask my patients to be on you. What would be the opposite of the thing you feel like doing right now? And even think of somebody you admire, what would they do in this moment?

Because it can help lift us out of ourselves. And I think so much of psychology and psychiatry, we assume it's happening in people's heads, but actually how we feel really depends on sort of how we're interacting with the world and activities, actions that we take can really shape how we feel.

We know from, you know, there's so much evidence that points to maybe on that walk, distancing yourself from some of those hassles might help you find some clarity to help you actually solve them.

And I think that game of walk-a-mole that we're playing all the time, you know, that actually when you sort of pause the game and you walk away from it, you might be a little bit more effective when you return. I mean, I think there's loads of evidence showing that most people have even bigger breakthrough moments, physicists, artists, looking at, you know, across different disciplines.

It's, you know, we often hear about those in the shower moments, like that's when somebody like thinks, you know, oh, wait a minute, I've just solved that problem. But there's really evidence showing that that is the case.

So it's often when we're not thinking about the thing we need to be thinking about that we, I think, clear our minds and we're able to, I think, be more effective in the way we solve those problems and deal with those hassles.

Yeah, no, that clarity and that perspective.

And I think when you're often like even using your body in some way, or you're doing something where your mind is occupied by something other than that thing you need to solve, it's even when you have some kind of hobby or something that you, you know, are engaged in, even if you're reading a work of fiction, or you, you know, we're just going, you know, to work on some, I have one patient who does puzzles, like she does puzzling, you know, when she's stressed out, and,

It is this. And she was reluctant like you. She was like, oh, I just want to get that stuff done and then I can get to that stuff. And she's found it's been really helpful to even take those breaks, distract herself and then come back to what's bugging her.

And rumination is, you know, truly an on-ramp to depression and anxiety. And rumination is, you know, that experience when you're just going over and over and over again, the same issue in your head. It's like that ticker tape running on the bottom of the screen, except it's on your, you you know, worried about something that you should have done or that is going to happen in the future.

And, you know, there's research out there that shows how much behavior activation therapy works. And when you're, you know, because it's one thing to have an insight in your mind even or have a greater understanding about why you do what you do. But if you're not acting on it, like you're still kind of in the same place.

Yeah, no, that's really interesting. And it goes, it sort of dovetails with what we were speaking about earlier, too, with self distancing. Another technique that I found is helpful is when you ask your, you know, you remove yourself from the situation in your mind by thinking, like, what would a fly on the wall observing this situation? Like, what would they be? How would they be describing this?

And that can also interrupt some of that really negative self talk that can be so paralyzing. Another strategy could be, if my future self were looking back at this moment, what would my future self advise me to do? And what would they say about this? Again, to sort of interrupt that rumination when you're just stewing in it.

Other research shows that with with rumination, one of the best ways to disrupt it is to go for a walk in nature. And even a short walk seems to, I think, just shift perspective and actually get us out of our own heads.

And sometimes I think when we're out of our own heads, we you know, that's where we have this this perspective and sense of clarity and that we're able to make better choices and even maybe solve some problems as well.

One thing that I think we know how important it is to eat well and to sleep well and to exercise and those sort of lifestyle interventions. But one thing we don't, I think, maybe speak enough about is how having close friends in relationships is really the secret sauce of mental health. But how do we work at those relationships?

Because we often see people who are high achievers and we think, oh, aren't they great? They're heroes. They've done this all on their own. And we don't recognize that huge network of people behind them who have helped them achieve and get to this place.

One of the best strategies that we have for not only managing hassles and stress in daily life, but also for just feeling good and strong is doing something for somebody else. I think that it's really an undervalued wellspring of vitality in our lives.

And the next thing is really when we do feel challenged, when we're engaging in something that is really stretching us in some way, which might be the opposite of the thing that we want to do. But looking at studies, it shows that people are less burned out at work when they have hobbies outside of work that they do. And the thing about having a hobby is it's something that you do that you don't.