Dr. Samantha Boardman

need to excel in. It's something you do just for the love of the game and something that's just fun. And even making peace with being sort of mediocre at something and just doing it because it's joyful and it's really fun. And, you know, when we do something, there's so much research out there, too, showing that when we do something, instead of trying to... If we have a goal...

if we're instead of trying to make it something that we're taking away something like people who want to lose weight or stop smoking, the goals that seem to be the most productive are the ones that we do with somebody else and it's fun and that engage our strengths. And that to me is really important for vitality because in psychiatry, I spend a lot of time kind of trying to focus on what,

makes people less miserable. And then I ended up studying positive psychology and I got a master's in positive psychology, looking at actually what makes people thrive and what is, you know, what gives them a sense of purpose and even what helps them find wellness within illness or strength within their everyday stress.

And consistently, like reliably across the board, it's where they experience uplifts, where they feel connected with others, where they feel challenged and where they feel like they're contributing to something beyond themselves.

No, it's really interesting in how our brains are, you know, that we do the opposite all the time and how our expectations are so different. Like, here's an interesting example, like with gratitude, that people just oftentimes, they just don't express it or they just think it's going to be really awkward if they say something to somebody or like, oh, that person already knows that.

Or, gee, I can't even find the words to say it. Correctly, maybe like if I write a note, it'll be awkward and strange and they'll think that I don't you know, I'm not articulate enough in some way, but how we so underestimate the benefit, like how good that person is going to feel when they receive that. And also how good it's going to make us feel having written it.

Another example of where we sort of get it grossly wrong is we assume that we're going to be that we're happier when we're just sort of by ourselves and that we don't really want to have a conversation with anybody. And that, you know, being like that, we choose solitude. so often over connection and that we think that connection is going to drain us or that we don't really feel like it.

And studies show that people in general feel so much better having had a brief conversation with somebody that that, again, sort of lifts us out of ourselves. Our distorted sort of expectations of how something will make us feel and then the reality of that, I think, creates this opportunity squandered.

Yes. And it's just this missed opportunity there to make that the recipient is going to feel so good. And they don't care that it's like a 10-page letter, just a nice note saying why it was meaningful. And also sometimes I think we talk a lot about gratitude and people make gratitude lists, but they're usually very self-oriented. When we're expressing gratitude, it's about other people.

saying, thank you so much for that thing. Like, you know, the way you do that, really, I admire. Don't make gratitude about you. And, you know, one way that I think that can really help people maybe feel a little bit, you know, more comfortable writing gratitude letters or just thank you letters as well is make it easy on yourself. Buy some stamps.

have some stationery sitting there so you don't have to think of all these different little moving parts that you need to do to get that gratitude letter in the mail. And I have to say, whenever I receive one, I have a gratitude wall that I put it up on because it's so valuable. It's really gold when someone does that and it's really generous.

Thank you so much.