Dr. Samantha Hiew

Because I seem to have the ability to have a stable life some of the time and then something happens and then I completely unravel.

And they look back at relationships that didn't work out, you know, and wish that they had known who they are so that they could advocate for themselves.

But then there also comes that trying to explain yourself.

to everyone around you you're constantly trying to justify your behavior now that you know and then you're using what you hear other people talk about in terms of you know ADHD trait or autistic traits you know to bring back into your home your workplace and say this is me uh can you please understand you know there is that real frustration in being misunderstood

Yeah, definitely.

Although this anger can often be directed to people who don't understand us rather than directed internally.

There is that sense of like waving your fist up into the air and thinking, why did this happen?

You know, and then you then channel that anger towards wishing and wanting people around you to understand.

It's like a layer, you know, like an onion.

Because when you take away one layer, then underneath that's another layer.

And then you really need to go back to then, who are you and how was your way of being constructed or your personality developed throughout your life?

We talked about what is innately neurodivergent.

you know, going out into the world as an autistic ADHD and knowing that you are different, we mask to, you know, fit in.

But then over time, we find that there are also people who don't not just their mask, but they have created an entirely different persona that is so far removed from who they authentically are that

Then later in life, when they find out that they are, you know, autistic, ADHD, it's like a really huge life, you know, life quake.

Because you then start to wonder, you know, if I'm going to turn inward and I'm going to really work at trying to understand who I am, you know, deconstruct all the masks and all the coping strategies.

Then you find that...

If you don't have a stable self, right, then this identity starts to unravel because of that lack of anchor from the beginning.

I don't think everyone wants to get there if that is what they're dealing with.

If you have an inkling that you're not being yourself,