Dr. Shadé Zahrai

I'm actually boring because people don't want to be too much for others.

And so that looks like them believing that they have nothing of value to share, nothing of meaning to share.

And so they tell themselves, no, I'm boring.

So a simple way is not, oh, I'm the life of the party.

Everyone loves me.

That's a positive affirmation that will backfire.

You would say, okay, I bring a calming and grounded presence to my conversations.

You see how you're not trying to one-up with something positive.

You're actually just sidestepping it and flipping it.

And that suddenly makes you feel very, very different.

If you feel like you're unlovable, instead of, no, I am lovable, which may backfire, you would say, I have certain qualities that the right people value.

So again, it's so simple.

It's not flipping it with something that's almost toxically positive.

It's just shifting into something that is growth oriented and anchored in truth.

And it doesn't require you to become someone else, which is the beautiful thing.

So in the context of self-doubt, agency is that attribute that allows you to trust that you can do the thing.

And if you don't know how to do it, you will learn how to do it.

And so if you trust that you can do that, you're going to take the step.

You're going to say yes.

You're going to persist when things don't go well, because deep down you believe that you can.