Dr. Shadé Zahrai

If you fear a spider, Jay, you're not going to go near spiders.

But if you want to get over that phobia, what we do is a process of systematic desensitization, where first I'd show you a picture on my phone of a spider.

Then next, I'd show you a video.

Then next, I'd have a spider in a cage on the other side of the room.

Then it would come closer.

Then it would be right in front of you.

Then it wouldn't be in the cage.

Then it would be on your hand.

And you're systematically, I mean, this wouldn't all happen in a day.

This would be over a number of sessions.

But you're essentially telling your brain, hey, I can feel that fear, but I'm safe.

And what happens is you desensitize yourself to that fear.

And so by the time you've got the spider on your hand, you're not having that massive emotional reaction anymore.

Same principle applies when it comes to things like rejection.

If you can put yourself in low stakes rejections, where you might apply for a bunch of roles knowing that you'll get rejected,

Great.

Do it.

And then when you get rejected, you ask yourself, okay, am I making this mean something about myself?

No.

Fantastic.