On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Confidence Expert Dr. Shadé Zahrai: Feel Like You’re Not Enough? THIS Proven 4 Part Framework Will Transform Your Self-Image & Build REAL Confidence
17 Dec 2025
Today, Jay sits down with Dr. Shadé Zahrai to explore how self-doubt quietly influences our decisions, and what it takes to rebuild trust in ourselves. Shadé unpacks the psychology behind impostor syndrome, fear of failure, and the inner stories that convince people they’re not ready or not enough. Together, they examine how the brain’s need for certainty drives worst-case thinking, and why that protective instinct often keeps us stuck, even when opportunity is right in front of us. Shadé offers grounded frameworks, from shifting “should” into “could” to create more possibility, to designing simple action plans that help regain a sense of control when things feel overwhelming. Shadé reflects on purpose, care, and leaving people better than we found them, while Jay highlights that trusting yourself doesn’t mean never experiencing doubt. Together, they explore how self-image is shaped by the feedback we internalize, why criticism tends to linger longer than praise, and how healing emotional “scars” allows us to move forward without self-sabotage. In this interview, you'll learn: How to Trust Yourself Again How to Stop Letting Self-Doubt Inform Your Decisions How to Reframe Impostor Syndrome as Growth How to Turn Fear Into Forward Action How to Shift From “Should” to “Could” How to Take Action When You Feel Stuck How to Heal the Self-Image Behind the Self-Doubt Confidence isn’t the absence of fear; it’s the willingness to move forward even when fear is present. Every step you take, no matter how small, strengthens your trust in yourself and reminds you that you are capable of learning, adapting, and becoming more than you were yesterday. Pre-order Shadé’s new book, Big Trust, to dive deeper into the framework for rebuilding self-trust and breaking free from self-doubt: https://www.shadezahrai.com/bigtrust With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here. Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 01:47 What Drives Self-Doubt? 02:58 The Power of Your Self-Image 06:54 The Four Pillars of Self-Image 08:44 Struggling With Self-Acceptance 15:35 How Lack of Acceptance Fuels Perfectionism 20:50 Shifting From Comparison to Emulation 27:55 Becoming Before You Believe 32:14 Why the Brain Craves Certainty 38:00 Do You Ever Feel Like You’re Not Enough? 44:24 Learning to Detach From Labels 56:04 The Self-Talk That Keeps You Grounded 01:01:11 Believing You’re Capable 01:06:22 Everyone Experiences Self-Doubt! 01:08:56 What Actually Replaces Self-Doubt? 01:15:20 Getting the Job Even When You Feel Underqualified 01:24:13 Understanding Key Differences Between Men and Women 01:26:53 Why Constant Complaining Signals Low Self-Trust 01:37:12 Growth After Trauma 01:43:52 Why We Focus on What We Can’t Control 01:50:42 Learning to Adapt to Your Emotions 01:56:26 Creating Your “I Could, I Will” List 02:00:07 Shadé on Final Five Episode Resources: Dr. Shadé Zahrai | Website Dr. Shadé Zahrai | Instagram Dr. Shadé Zahrai | YouTube Dr. Shadé Zahrai | TikTok Dr. Shadé Zahrai | LinkedinSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Chapter 1: What is the impact of self-doubt on our lives?
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In the United States, I mean, 50% of Americans are pre-diabetic.
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Chapter 2: How does self-image influence our decisions?
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Hi, friends. Sophia Bush here, host of Work in Progress. This week, we had such a special guest, a mentor, a friend, a wife, a mother, an author, attorney, advocate, television producer, and now she adds podcast host to the list. Michelle Obama is here.
Sophia, I'm beyond thrilled to be able to sit down and chat with you.
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No one is harmed, no death, no trauma, just a few cells grown in a dish. This is David Eagleman from the Inner Cosmos podcast. And this week, we're tackling a tough question where brain science meets the future. Lab-grown meat is going to force us to confront the boundaries of our ethics.
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Chapter 3: How can we shift from comparison to emulation?
And what does this have to do with brain plasticity, social belonging, messed up boundaries between mental categories? What does this uncover about brain science and our calculations of morality?
Chapter 4: What are the four main drivers of self-doubt?
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90% of people are waiting for that feeling of confidence before they take that step. That feeling of confidence, it does not come before we take the action. It comes after we take the action.
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host, Jay Shetty, and today I'm joined by Sade Zarai, award-winning leadership expert and author of her first book, Big Trust. If you haven't got your copy yet, make sure you go and grab it. We're going to put the link in the caption.
If you've ever felt held back by self-doubt or fear of failure, this conversation will show you how to trust yourself again and start moving forward with real confidence. I've followed Sade on Instagram and TikTok for years now. I'm a huge fan. And today I finally have her on the seat on On Purpose. Please welcome to the show, Sade Zara. Sade, it's so great to have you here.
It's so wonderful to be here, Jay. Congratulations on Big Class. Thank you. I love the topic. I'm so glad that you zeroed in on it. I actually believe that self-doubt is without a doubt, one of the biggest issues in the world today at an individual personal level.
And the reason why so many people don't go after their dreams, don't go after the career they want, don't go after the person they want to be with, don't go after a promotion, don't go after a connection, a friendship, because we are scared of how we'll be perceived. And the reason why I'm so happy we're talking about this subject and that you've dedicated your book to it
is because I often think about what my life would look like if I had listened to my self-doubt. And I think people think that people who've had some success in their career don't feel self-doubt. And I would say I felt self-doubt before I started. I felt self-doubt during it. And because I still think about the beginning, I still feel self-doubt today. And but I know what to do with it.
And your book gives us a brilliant method. So I want to start off by asking you, if someone was to listen to our podcast today, what would they overcome and what skills would they build?
So this is essentially going to be a masterclass on self-doubt, but not only what it is, actually determining for yourself, what are the drivers of your self-doubt? Because we think self-doubt is just one big blob of worry and anxiety and insecurity. But when we look at decades worth of literature, my own research over the past five years, we've distilled it down to four main drivers.
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Chapter 5: What skills can help you succeed in a new job?
We forget when we're at work, and this used to happen to me all the time, and it happens to so many of the people in our programs, they start a new job and they, yes, they may not be able to do the things that they need to do in the job.
And then they get so down on themselves, forgetting that they have all these other skills and attributes that they can be applying to help them learn what they need to learn. They can bring their growth mindset, their curiosity, their desire to learn new things, their ability to grasp things really quickly. They can bring all of that with them.
And as soon as you remind them of that, they suddenly feel so much more at ease and it opens up their mind to learning quicker. So if anyone listening is in a position where you don't feel like you have everything that you need, everything on the job description, and you're magnifying your gaps, which is what the brain does,
pause and firstly write down everything that you are needing to do, everything on the job description for the role, whatever it might be.
Chapter 6: How can you identify your transferable skills for job applications?
In the middle column, what are all of the qualities that you have developed over the course of your life? And then in your third column, you're mapping your middle column to your first column, right? So I'm going to bring my growth mindset for this one, this one, and this one. I'm going to bring my diligence for here and here.
I'm going to bring my ability to be really tenacious to this, that, and that. And then suddenly you've mapped out what you need to apply and how, and it's incredibly empowering and it boosts your self-efficacy and your sense of agency.
On this week's episode of The Next Chapter, I, GD Jakes, get to sit down with Oprah Winfrey, a media mogul, philanthropist, and global trailblazer. My life, although it may look like an anomaly, it has only been possible because I was obedient to the calls. This episode dives deep into how Oprah turned pain into purpose and what it really means to evolve with everybody watching.
Every decision I have ever made has come from sitting with the Spirit and asking God, what would you have me do first?
Whether you're rebuilding, reimagining, or just trying to hold it together, this one will speak directly to to you. Listen to the next chapter on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Episodes drop weekly.
This week on Dear Chelsea with me, Chelsea Handler, Nicholas Sparks is here. I would imagine that you've gotten a lot of feedback about setting a standard of love and romance that a lot of men probably can't measure up to.
I have heard such stories at my book signings, right? Where's my Noah or where's my John from Dear John? And at the same time, in the course of my career, I've had seven marriage proposals in lines to sign my book, you know, up to the table, the doodle dropped to his knees and I feel so bad for him. I'm like, dude, you're, you're in a Walmart in Birmingham, Alabama, you know, but it's happened.
And you know, you get a lot more, Of those kinds of stories, then, people coming up and saying, I've ruined men for the rest, which I'm glad. I would feel bad if that was more common, actually.
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Chapter 7: What steps can you take to regain confidence after a setback?
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They had land reform. They had labor rights. They had education rights.
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You've reminded me, because you just gave us the Latin of confidence, right? I remember looking at the English dictionary definition of confidence and one of them was the acknowledgement and appreciation of one's own abilities and skills.
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Chapter 8: How do you reframe your self-image after criticism?
Like that's actually the definition. So confidence isn't a feeling. It's not a feeling. It's not a feeling. It's not an attitude. It's not a mindset. It's the acknowledgement and appreciation of what you've just said, of one's own skills and abilities and qualities, as you're saying. It's a bit more than that. when I looked, I think it might even say qualities, actually, I could be wrong.
I actually think it might actually say that. And now when I think about it, I'm like, of course, it's almost like when you're halfway up a mountain, you have to look back down and say, I've walked up halfway. Yes. As opposed to just looking at how much is left to go. Totally. If you just look at the top and you go, oh God, that flag is so high.
Oh my gosh, there's so many, you know, there's such a steep climb. But if you look back and go, How did I get halfway up here? That didn't take that long. Oh, okay, I've done half. Okay, I've got another. And it's just so fascinating to me that we haven't been trained to do that, to actually acknowledge.
And I say that to everyone when I'm speaking on stage sometimes and I'm working with someone in the audience who's having a really tough time with this. Something I like to remind everyone is each and every one of you have been through something really difficult. Each and every person has been through a...
Extreme pain, whether it was the loss of a loved one, the divorce of family members, a breakup, the loss of a dream. Everyone, there is no human on the planet who hasn't been through something that for them was exceptionally difficult. and you're still here and you survived. And maybe you've even fallen in love again and have an amazing job and have found kindness and grace within yourself.
And if you don't look at that as a monument and as a marker, of how far you've come, nothing will ever fill that. There's nothing that will ever, ever, ever, ever fill that void because if you can't notice all the hard things you've done, you will continue to ignore all the hard things you're about to do and not even feel you're capable of them.
And I love that you're giving people a practical methodology in the book and today in how to actually do that. And I agree with you. Before you apply for that job, do this. This is more important than putting your resume together and all of that because... Before that job interview, do this.
I love how you've just touched on this idea of the challenges we've been through, which leads us into the third pillar. But before we get there, I want to come back to agency for a moment.
So when people are applying for jobs, what's really valuable to know is that you don't have to have 100% of what's on the job description, but you have to be able to demonstrate if you make it to an interview that even though you don't have everything that's there, you have other transferable skills and attributes and qualities that you will apply to learn what you need to learn.
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