Dr. Shadé Zahrai

I'm talking about those who victimize themselves.

If anyone listening ever feels that, and the reality is it can happen, especially when unfair things happen in your life.

You need to tell yourself, okay, instead of why me?

What now?

What now?

It's happened.

I can't do anything about it.

I'm not going to dwell on it.

What am I going to do about it?

And we have this great little exercise we love to share with people.

It's called the I could and the I will list.

So when people get to this state, if we encourage them to think about what you will do next...

Often what happens is that they start to think about all the things that they should have done or that they should do.

And the language of should is very disempowering.

It does one of two things.

It either makes us feel like we're falling short or that we're being compelled against our will.

And we don't like being told what to do.

It's called reactance.

And when we hear a should, often it's like a part of us is telling us what to do and we don't like it.

We resist it.