Dr. Sunita Sah

Even the insinuation anxiety feeling, I've said it's an aversive state. It's uncomfortable for a reason because your defiance might be causing harm to someone else.

Yeah. It's there for a reason that somebody is expecting something of you. What does it mean? Right. So I think understanding that too, sort of naming it and knowing that we have two kind of ideal selves, especially in America, we have this ideal independent self. We want to act on our agency. We want to do what we think is right.

Yeah. It's there for a reason that somebody is expecting something of you. What does it mean? Right. So I think understanding that too, sort of naming it and knowing that we have two kind of ideal selves, especially in America, we have this ideal independent self. We want to act on our agency. We want to do what we think is right.

Yeah. It's there for a reason that somebody is expecting something of you. What does it mean? Right. So I think understanding that too, sort of naming it and knowing that we have two kind of ideal selves, especially in America, we have this ideal independent self. We want to act on our agency. We want to do what we think is right.

But we also have this interdependent self, which is that we want to remain in harmony with everybody around us. And there are two sort of ideals like Hazel Marcus and Shinobu Kitayama talk about these ideal selves. We can't ever achieve one state or the other state. And they're there for a reason.

But we also have this interdependent self, which is that we want to remain in harmony with everybody around us. And there are two sort of ideals like Hazel Marcus and Shinobu Kitayama talk about these ideal selves. We can't ever achieve one state or the other state. And they're there for a reason.

But we also have this interdependent self, which is that we want to remain in harmony with everybody around us. And there are two sort of ideals like Hazel Marcus and Shinobu Kitayama talk about these ideal selves. We can't ever achieve one state or the other state. And they're there for a reason.

Exactly. And so we do need to think about that. But we also need to hold dear to ourselves what are our values.

Exactly. And so we do need to think about that. But we also need to hold dear to ourselves what are our values.

Exactly. And so we do need to think about that. But we also need to hold dear to ourselves what are our values.

It's what I call those defiance hierarchy. Some people are allowed to defy, even rewarded for it. And others, they have more costs. There's more severe consequences. There's more backlash for being defiant.

It's what I call those defiance hierarchy. Some people are allowed to defy, even rewarded for it. And others, they have more costs. There's more severe consequences. There's more backlash for being defiant.

It's what I call those defiance hierarchy. Some people are allowed to defy, even rewarded for it. And others, they have more costs. There's more severe consequences. There's more backlash for being defiant.

And it's interesting that the people that are in that category, which is anything from the dominant norm, the tall white male, anything that deviates from that group, you actually need to be defiant more often because you're expected to be more compliant.

And it's interesting that the people that are in that category, which is anything from the dominant norm, the tall white male, anything that deviates from that group, you actually need to be defiant more often because you're expected to be more compliant.

And it's interesting that the people that are in that category, which is anything from the dominant norm, the tall white male, anything that deviates from that group, you actually need to be defiant more often because you're expected to be more compliant.

It can be exhausting. You have those extra burdens that you carry.

It can be exhausting. You have those extra burdens that you carry.

It can be exhausting. You have those extra burdens that you carry.

I mean, it'd be interesting what people might choose between those things. It's one where I often describe as being on a balance beam for some people. There's only a narrow set of behaviors that are possible for you to do without being punished. But sometimes you can get to firmer ground where you can find this is now safe and effective for me to define and find places where that is accepted.