Drew Burney

But the way I was behaving was still consistent with being avoidant and it was causing a lot of problems in my life.

Okay.

And it really wasn't until just a few years ago, probably five-ish years ago that I really got serious about like, okay, I really need to do something about this.

And so what I did is I started with kind of the habit, the behavioral part of it, which was when I had like a partner would come to me and they have a bid for attention or a bid for affection of some sort.

Usually what I would do is kind of shut down and be like, well, you're getting too close.

That's not like that's scary.

Don't do that.

Right.

What I learned to do is kind of flip that on us as like, OK, wait, catch myself.

Like we talked about, I caught that adaptation in the moment.

and I could then respond to them, okay?

I could not behave in an avoidant way.

I was prepared to come into this podcast and tell you about how, oh, that was my transformation and I'm no longer avoidant.

And then it really hit me when we were preparing for this.

I'm like, oh, I'm actually no more secure in my attachment than I was before.

I have just addressed the habit, the behavior.

associated with the avoidance.

I haven't addressed the rest of it.

It's kind of bled into the emotional stuff.

One thing I noticed, like with a partner that I had who was anxious, she was also, she had a psychology background, so we could talk about this in a nerdy, disconnected way, right?