Duncan Hyatt

I spent my teenage years in Oxford.

My mum ran a pub and a restaurant that was attached to the Lincoln College.

We had lots of students working for us, which included Gaz from the band Supergrass, who was a barman.

But this story is about a young American rapscallion whose name escapes me, but for the purpose of the story we'll call Jay because that definitely wasn't his name.

one Saturday morning I guess I would have been around 13 or 14 after Saturday morning cartoons and such I was going off to meet some friends and was about to visit the bank of mum for a withdrawal and I see Jay who was giggling away and very pleased with himself

This wasn't out of the ordinary, as he was a very happy chappy, but he called me over to share the reason for his happiness.

Now, as Dunk said, the universe is thousands of years old, and Jay, one bored evening, found himself in the library with a substantial amount of the devil's lettuce and a desire to find some random crap out.

He was doom-scrolling 1,400 styles.

One of the books young Jay came across is a book of traditions and customs for the college.

And he sat in the library and consumed it until he found out what he thought would be a great one to try out.

So one bright and early morning on a Monday, there sat Jay with his notepad and extra sharp HB pencil as the professor is about to begin the class.

Jay stands up and demands a glass of port before the lecture can begin.

Quoting the school rule, verse and chapter, making it clear that the class couldn't start until he drank his port.

This is awesome.

As you can imagine, this greatly pissed off the professor, but Oxford University is all about tradition, and port was found, and the lecture began.

As a teenage boy, this level of shithousery was brilliant.

Jay was a fucking god and I retold the story at least a thousand times that week at school and Jay was worshipped.

Then the following Saturday, I'm again on the quest to make a withdrawal from the First National Bank of Mum and run into Jay again.

I'm greatly excited to tell him.

His story is now one of legend and he will forever be told as the student who outwitted the master.