Duncan Hyde

Ryan from Oregon.

When I was about six years old, I was at the ranch with my sister, and she had caught her pony with a halter.

But she had forgotten the lead.

My sister asked me to go into the barn and grab the lead, even though there was an evil fucking chicken at that barn that everyone in their right mind was scared of.

Me, known full well my sister was much more evil than said chicken, did as I was told, and went to go get it.

got into the barn and was pleasantly surprised to not see said chicken, who we all call Dottie Butt, because that's his mother pecking name.

I grabbed the lead and started making my way up the driveway to my sister when all of a sudden I started getting slapped in the face by something I could not see.

My tiny arms start flailing and whatever was attacking me I couldn't see to detach from my head.

Turns out Dotty Butt was in fact at the barn and was waiting for me with malice that I can only compare to God's wrath at Sodom and Gomorrah.

Yeah!

Fucking... It's funny you say that.

The big bastard flew up onto my head and it sunk his velociraptor claws into my...

underdeveloped skull and ripped it to fucking shreds.

Long story short, I finally got him to let go.

I walked all the way up to the house, which was quite the trek as I was fairly small, maybe six years of age.

Made it to the house with my head torn to shreds, but my dignity intact and the lead still in my hands.

Mum drove me to the hospital where I cried and begged for them not to give me stitches, so they glued my head back together again.

Found out later that they ate Dottie, but for dinner that weekend, chicken won, me also won.

Well played.

Oh fuck, I was just absolutely howling this morning.