Ed Helms

It's terrific, John. No problems at all. As you know, the Italians are famous for their organizational skills. They're handling this sudden influx of three million pilgrims like a Fiat handles on the autostrada. So you would mean terribly. It's not good, John. But they have done some things well.

Officials are handing out bottled water, setting up porta-potties, and perhaps even more important, porta-confessionals. As it turns out, 99% of all sins happen on pilgrimages.

Officials are handing out bottled water, setting up porta-potties, and perhaps even more important, porta-confessionals. As it turns out, 99% of all sins happen on pilgrimages.

Yeah, absolutely. John, there's nothing like death to bring people together. Oh, hey, looks like I'm up. Arigato. This stuff is awesome.

Yeah, absolutely. John, there's nothing like death to bring people together. Oh, hey, looks like I'm up. Arigato. This stuff is awesome.

Dude, you can't get this stuff in the United States. This is like triple delicious ice cream. It's better than sex. Reminds me, I gotta hit one of those confessionals. All right, well, thank you very much.

Dude, you can't get this stuff in the United States. This is like triple delicious ice cream. It's better than sex. Reminds me, I gotta hit one of those confessionals. All right, well, thank you very much.

John, the security here is tight. The Sistine Chapel is locked down. The place has been swept for bugs, surrounded by Swiss guards. Frescoes are rigged with explosives. Cyborg armies patrol the roof and, of course, the Sloman's Shield.

John, the security here is tight. The Sistine Chapel is locked down. The place has been swept for bugs, surrounded by Swiss guards. Frescoes are rigged with explosives. Cyborg armies patrol the roof and, of course, the Sloman's Shield.

Not exactly, John. I do have a conclave simulation program. The Simstein Accu-Chapel 6000. Now this gives you a pretty good idea of what's going on. As you can see, the College of Cardinals files into the chapel. Then they move past this guy here, kind of a downer, Then the world's top Catholics take their seats and prepare. The voting begins. The Cardinals write their choice on official ballots.

Not exactly, John. I do have a conclave simulation program. The Simstein Accu-Chapel 6000. Now this gives you a pretty good idea of what's going on. As you can see, the College of Cardinals files into the chapel. Then they move past this guy here, kind of a downer, Then the world's top Catholics take their seats and prepare. The voting begins. The Cardinals write their choice on official ballots.

The votes are then tallied and burned in a furnace to produce smoke. Then afterwards, everyone takes part in a violent shooting spree. Woo! Bang, bang!

The votes are then tallied and burned in a furnace to produce smoke. Then afterwards, everyone takes part in a violent shooting spree. Woo! Bang, bang!

Ed, that was Grand Theft Auto. Grand Theft Auto, Vatican City, John. Ed, thank you. It's really very nice here. Thanks for joining us. Slow down, John. With this recreation, even you can be part of the action. Check this out. Okay, now watch this. I'm totally conclaving. You got that? John, if I press the A button, I can vote for my favorite Cardinal. And if I push the B button, this is awesome.

Ed, that was Grand Theft Auto. Grand Theft Auto, Vatican City, John. Ed, thank you. It's really very nice here. Thanks for joining us. Slow down, John. With this recreation, even you can be part of the action. Check this out. Okay, now watch this. I'm totally conclaving. You got that? John, if I press the A button, I can vote for my favorite Cardinal. And if I push the B button, this is awesome.

I can punch him! Woo! Woo!

I can punch him! Woo! Woo!

I'm sorry. I'm totally working on a combo move. A-B-B-A puts Francis Cardinal Lorenze in a headline. All right.

I'm sorry. I'm totally working on a combo move. A-B-B-A puts Francis Cardinal Lorenze in a headline. All right.

This is so insane. This was all under like official government activity. They built a apartment in San Francisco that had a glass mirror where he could sit there and watch. And then they would drug these customers. And he was just sort of taking notes and God knows what else behind this double mirror. And this was all in the name of science.