Eleazar Guzman
Appearances
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
Hey everybody, my name's Elazer. He tried his best. Yeah, I probably shouldn't have smoked before this. You guys ever smoke and then feel like you're gonna have a heart attack? I gotta stop smoking meth. I'm kidding, but I grew up Jehovah's Witness. Oh, I never get that reaction. Usually even Mormons are like, yikes. So it made stuff like my birthday recently really weird.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
I just recently turned 34. Thanks. I've been freaking out about it. Felt like I hadn't had enough sex in my life. So my last month with me at 33, I was just trying to go on as many dates as possible. And this last date I went on, this girl was like, look, I want to have sex tonight, but I have a UTI. And I said, look, I don't care what school you went to.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
New York City, New Jersey, all over the country. Fantastic. You live in Austin now? I live in Austin, yeah.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
So addictive. I'm broke as fuck, so I eat a burger every day. Yeah.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
Um, not really. I just kind of make my own shows I've been producing for a while.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
So I did like some tours through like Tennessee and like New Orleans, Texas, but just like bar shows, Arizona. Very cool. Something like that.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
I write stories. What kind of stories? Short stories and novels. Nice. I've been doing that for most of my life.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
Not great. I'm a little awkward. I fucked once since I've been out here. That's all that matters.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
Maybe two or three years ago. All right. What happened there? She was psycho.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
No, but she carried a gun. In New York City? No, no. Yeah, actually, New Jersey. She's from New Jersey. Oh, that makes sense.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
No, my mother is Puerto Rican and my stepfather is Mexican. Okay. Okay.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
Oh, no. With my thing? She kind of stopped giving a shit about the political stuff a while ago.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
I've been avoiding saying anything about it, honestly. Perfect.