Elena Brower

I really try and whenever I'm presenting anything, I always credit the teachers, credit the teachings, make sure, as you very well articulated, that this isn't about me, this person sitting here.

It's really about what is important to consider for our health, for our bodies, for our state of mind.

You know, it can't be.

And if I've learned anything through chaplaincy training at Upaya, it's that.

It's not about me.

I'm not even here.

Yeah.

Yeah, and hopefully I'm affording that person a level of presence themselves that maybe they weren't considering before.

You know, that they are important.

Their health and their sort of happiness and comfort matters, particularly comfort if in hospice.

Yeah, there's something really quiet about it that I appreciate.

Is there anything that you're hiding now?

Yeah, it was very painful.

It was so painful.

I think we talked about this, I feel like, the first time we spoke, but it was just so weird to know what I wanted to be doing and then to watch my hand go into the closet and grab the weed and the tobacco bag and the rolling papers and the ashtray and the lighter and do the thing.

Every morning.

And, you know, there wasn't a low low, but it was definitely really painful to continue to have a thought and a desire in my head and continue to have no control over my actions.

That pain was acute.

Acute enough that I called it in.

You know, that was now 2014.