The Practice of Holding Nothing | Elena Brower
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What shift did Elena Brower experience in her life?
So what if the most important shift in your life, it isn't about building something new, but about finally letting go of everything that you've been holding. My guest today, Elena Brower, spent more than two decades as one of the most recognized yoga and meditation teachers in the world. We're talking stages of thousands, growing platform, books translated into seven languages, the whole forward-facing life that our culture tells us means that we've, quote, made it. And then she started moving in the other direction. She got quieter. She trained as a chaplain. She began sitting with people in hospice, not teaching, not leading, just being present, holding nothing but their hand. Her new book is called Hold Nothing, and it's rooted in an ancient sutra that became a kind of a compass for her.
Welcome nothing, refuse nothing, reflect everything, hold nothing. In this conversation, we go deep into what it actually looks like to release the identity you built not because it failed, but because it's no longer who you are. We talk about the hidden cost of living a double life while teaching wholeness and what it took to close that gap. We explore what changes in your closest relationships when you stop holding your partner to who they were and just let them become who they need to become. And we sit with what Elena has learned from being present really at the end of people's lives and why she now believes that learning to die might well be the clearest path to living well. This is one quiet and powerful conversation that landed in a way that I didn't expect.
So excited to share it with you. I'm Jonathan Fields, and this is Good Life Project. just sort of thinking about where I wanted to go with our conversation, was doing a little bit of prep. And I stumbled upon a conversation that you had, a 13-minute conversation that you had in 2019 with your then 12-year-old son, where you asked him, tell mommy how your parents separating was for you. Tell me the good, tell me the bad. And you had the most beautiful, open, kind-hearted conversation. And what really touched me was that you were listening to him as if he was your teacher. And I was just curious about what that was like for you, that whole experience.
I remember that conversation really well. He's now 19. And such a good human. Oh, I'm just so proud of him and his choices and how he handled his life. A lot of what happened, I think, in these ensuing years followed from, as you observed, being heard and really respected. And even when he didn't Even when he did something that didn't really merit our respect or my respect, I gave it to him anyway. And that's a teaching from the Tao. It's something that I've elaborated on in my one course on parenting, respect in the face of disrespect. And I think he's flourished because of that. Not without his trials and tribulations, of course, but he knows who he is because he got respect.
How does Elena's experience in hospice influence her perspective on presence?
He was heard. I'm grateful that you picked up on that.
There was a moment in that conversation where you were sharing with him that for, I guess, the better part of a year on almost a nightly basis, you would tell him the story of a little girl named Elena and kind of like pace it up to the present.
Yeah.
Why did that matter?
So he was two and a half when we got divorced, Anthony and I, and we're still dearest of friends. And he, Anthony, Jonah's dad, and my current partner of the last 12 years, James, are very close now. They're like the brothers they never got in this lifetime. That's beautiful. It's so cool. But I think the act of giving him the story of this girl named Elena as though it were, it's not really my thing to do it in a distant person, you know what I mean? But... I started always right around his age. She went to nursery school at St. Mark's, and then she went to kindergarten, and then she fell in love with art and all the different things that happened to me. And he sort of was able to track what it might be like to have me be in his shoes.
Yeah.
And then all the way to the yoga class where I met his dad and all the way to the point where I totally went against the rules and went out on a date with a student who was visiting from another town.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What shift did Elena Brower experience in her life?
0:00–3:40
2
How does Elena's experience in hospice influence her perspective on presence?
3:40–6:03
3
What hidden costs come from living a double life while teaching wholeness?
6:03–6:46
4
How can letting go transform close relationships?
6:46–7:22
5
Why is silence considered essential yet often avoided?
7:22–8:39
6
What does it mean to prepare for a good death?
8:39–24:43
7
What role does presence play in our daily lives and relationships?
24:43–37:19
8
How has Elena's chaplaincy training shaped her understanding of service?
37:19–51:18
Speakers
3 identifiedMore from Good Life Project
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