Elena

She can get him to marry her real fast.

We all know a lady like that.

Yep.

Now, this was a widower named Hiram Parkinson.

The two met through Lizzie's cleaning lady, and the relationship moved quickly, like they all are, with Parkinson moving into the room above the blacksmith's shop and proposing marriage within the span of like a couple of months.

Jesus Christ.

But unbeknownst to Lizzie, Hiram wasn't so much a widower as he was estranged, but very much still married to his first wife, Ada Gunn.

A philanderer.

So unaware of this fact,

Lizzie accepted the proposal and they married and shortly after that they moved to Arlington, Vermont.

According to Owen, the marriage ran into trouble in like five months, basically, when Hiram told Lizzie he was going on a short trip to visit his children back in Greenwich for Christmas.

Lizzie said, fuck no, you're not.

That's too expensive and I don't want you leaving.

And a physical altercation ensued.

She said, you're not going to go see your hoe ass kids on Christmas.

That's exactly what she said.

It was during the argument when Hiram went to collect his money for the trip that he realized Lizzie had stolen the $180 he had saved.

What a biatch.

So he immediately went to his lawyer and was like, what the fuck can I do about this?

Yeah.