Elena

The fact that this demon motherfucker came walking and, like, busting through your house like the Kool-Aid man, and you're standing there in red underwear holding an 8-inch knife, and you just said, like, don't even fucking try me.

The fact that this demon motherfucker came walking and, like, busting through your house like the Kool-Aid man, and you're standing there in red underwear holding an 8-inch knife, and you just said, like, don't even fucking try me.

queen he said queen he said i will not get her a goddamn crown you are a warrior princess you are in asterix after covering my goodies with a throw blanket the officer takes a small statement from me helps get the door back in place offers to bring me to a friend's all that stuff but i told him i was fine i'd be okay yeah we're good so he left i paced my living room for a few more minutes trying to get my heart rate to slow the fuck down and finally go into my room and get into bed

queen he said queen he said i will not get her a goddamn crown you are a warrior princess you are in asterix after covering my goodies with a throw blanket the officer takes a small statement from me helps get the door back in place offers to bring me to a friend's all that stuff but i told him i was fine i'd be okay yeah we're good so he left i paced my living room for a few more minutes trying to get my heart rate to slow the fuck down and finally go into my room and get into bed

Here's the best part of this entire fucking crazy story. We haven't reached the best part? No. My mans rolls over and puts his arm around me and says, what language was that? I am laughing so hard typing this part. Yes, ladies, this motherfucking country boy that grew up in the middle of nowhere kept his grown ass man self in bed. In bed.

Here's the best part of this entire fucking crazy story. We haven't reached the best part? No. My mans rolls over and puts his arm around me and says, what language was that? I am laughing so hard typing this part. Yes, ladies, this motherfucking country boy that grew up in the middle of nowhere kept his grown ass man self in bed. In bed.

While I'm fucking knife wielding samurai and keeping us safe. My response to him? No idea, but I think it was satanic. While he blissfully went back to snoring. The fact that he just rolled over and was like, what language was that? What are you even saying? And where were you? And where were you?

While I'm fucking knife wielding samurai and keeping us safe. My response to him? No idea, but I think it was satanic. While he blissfully went back to snoring. The fact that he just rolled over and was like, what language was that? What are you even saying? And where were you? And where were you?

fucking wall like what hello he just broke our front door down damn damn me lie i knew from that day on if we ever had a family and shit went down i'd have to be the one to protect us yeah eli for life but that's all for my story of my thick ass naked hispanic lady face off first parkour demon parkour demonic banshee man i didn't die so that's a bonus

fucking wall like what hello he just broke our front door down damn damn me lie i knew from that day on if we ever had a family and shit went down i'd have to be the one to protect us yeah eli for life but that's all for my story of my thick ass naked hispanic lady face off first parkour demon parkour demonic banshee man i didn't die so that's a bonus

Thank you so much for reading. I grew up in the Bridgewater Triangle and currently live back here raising my little family. I got lots of spooky and scary stories I could share, including my dad almost being murdered in front of me. The amount of blood will forever be a memory I can't forget. Oh, Brockton. Or that wasn't me. That was Eli.

Thank you so much for reading. I grew up in the Bridgewater Triangle and currently live back here raising my little family. I got lots of spooky and scary stories I could share, including my dad almost being murdered in front of me. The amount of blood will forever be a memory I can't forget. Oh, Brockton. Or that wasn't me. That was Eli.

Or when my mom's cousin came over and asked what dress she should wear if she died, when in fact, she actually had died the day before and was wearing said dress my mom picked out at the funeral days later. Or the time my friends and I got attacked in the woods by a group of men and had to ask for help from a nudist colony. Yeah, I have some tales. Send us all of them.

Or when my mom's cousin came over and asked what dress she should wear if she died, when in fact, she actually had died the day before and was wearing said dress my mom picked out at the funeral days later. Or the time my friends and I got attacked in the woods by a group of men and had to ask for help from a nudist colony. Yeah, I have some tales. Send us all of them.

One puttafa. I'm not kidding you. Tail one, tail two, tail three, tail four.

One puttafa. I'm not kidding you. Tail one, tail two, tail three, tail four.

All the tails. Every tail. It's the holiday season. Yeah, give us so we can take it. I want a full puttafa. I want a whole, I want a bag full like this of those tails. An Eli episode. An Eli episode. We'll do a whole episode on Eli. Yeah. Send us all those tales. Threaten me with a good time.

All the tails. Every tail. It's the holiday season. Yeah, give us so we can take it. I want a full puttafa. I want a whole, I want a bag full like this of those tails. An Eli episode. An Eli episode. We'll do a whole episode on Eli. Yeah. Send us all those tales. Threaten me with a good time.

Well, keep it weird, ladies. I hope to attend a live show in the future. Peace out and love always, Eli. Eli? Eli. For fucking life. For life. Eli for life. Damn, Eli. That was amazing. So those were our home invasion. That's my computer. That's my whole computer.

Well, keep it weird, ladies. I hope to attend a live show in the future. Peace out and love always, Eli. Eli? Eli. For fucking life. For life. Eli for life. Damn, Eli. That was amazing. So those were our home invasion. That's my computer. That's my whole computer.