Eli Finkel

I think this is a valid question, and this is a complexity that comes up when you think about how an institution like marriage changes over time.

I suspect that if somebody transported from 1750 to today, they might look around and say, whoa, that doesn't look like marriage.

I don't even really get what you guys are doing.

Or better yet, if we transported back to 1750 and looked at what people were expecting and how little they were looking for personal fulfillment from the marriage, we would be bewildered.

So one of the more controversial ideas that I play with in the book is when I'm talking about ways that we can ask less of the marriage.

By the way, when I am doing that, I'm talking about how can we strengthen the marriage by asking less of it.

One of the places that I consider is in the romantic or sexual domain.

So is it reasonable for some people to consider some type of consensual non-monogamy?

Now, this is not cheating.

That's the whole idea of consensual non-monogamy.

This is an understanding that we don't need to have complete monogamy all the time.

And you can negotiate an alternative.

In fact, among millennials, this is becoming an increasingly common way of thinking about the ideal relationship.

So this is an ideal option, especially for people who generally are connecting pretty well and they love each other and they're good co-CEOs of the household together, but they're really struggling to sustain a mutually satisfying sex life together.

Those are particularly good opportunities to consider

Could we reduce some of the disappointment and pressure by opening up the relationship in some ways that we can both agree to?

It's certainly a high-risk option, but it's an option that probably will benefit some relationships.

It's like a little 23-second bonus track.

And it's interesting.

I haven't heard it in a while, and even as I listened to it as you just played it, I sort of teared up a little bit because it's been a very significant song for my wife and me in our marriage.