Ellen Hendrikson

It's way smaller than the proportionate amount of energy and worry that we're putting into focusing on that catastrophic outcome.

Okay, so first of all, if this is not getting in your way, go for it.

I think all of these are only problems if they cost us more than they buy us.

If it buys us more than it costs us, knock yourself out.

So I think it's important to ask what side of that equation are we on first?

I think there can be a place for people-pleasing.

There can be a place for all sorts of behaviors that we might think of as being pathological.

Again, unless it's costing us more than it's buying us, it might not be.

Okay, so people-pleasing.

Yes, there can often be conflation of people being happy with us for job security because I think that can give us a little bit too much of an illusion of control.

Okay, if I can just...

this is a little bit of a strong word, but manipulate everybody into like being happy with me, then yeah, exactly.

Like you said, I am safe when there are absolutely other factors at play that we can't control.

Yeah.

People pleasing is a behavioral strategy where we are trying to control the reactions of others.

And it can be a little bit of a slippery slope from being simply thoughtful or considerate or doing something kind or nice or well because we want to as opposed to because we're trying to get other people to react to us in a certain way.

Oh, for sure.

Yeah, absolutely.

I think if something is working for us, then under stress, we will often up the ante and do that thing more.

You know, if that's our tool, we're going to use that tool for all it's worth.