Emily Atack

And I developed these sexual connections with much older men.

And it was a space where, even though I hated the sexual part of it, it was a space that I felt quite...

powerful and not lonely yes so even the irony was that I felt lonely because I because of the kind of the attention I was getting from like a really really young age that made me feel lonely and isolated because I didn't my parents whenever they did know about it it was too difficult for them to kind of

So then I just kind of internalized that, which made me quite lonely.

But then weirdly lent into that behavior and found sexual connections with men to try and cancel out that loneliness, which doesn't really make sense.

It's unusual.

It's, yeah, it's very odd.

And it has over the years kind of, I've had a quite an unusual relationship with sex.

And it's kind of, yeah, it's been...

it's been odd but then to be a person who's highly kind of sexualized yes all of that simultaneously like it's it's really it was really confusing yeah can we talk about Alistair yes please did I get that right he's a nuclear physicist because some some pieces describe him as a material scientist and I did single science GCSE so I've got no clue what either of those really means yeah he's a nuclear physicist he did his PhD on the corrosion performance of zirconium in nuclear reactors

Sorry, that was so cool.

Yeah, I hope I said that right.

He's so cool.

And he is a very key kind of ingredient in all of this.

And he kind of ties my life up in a bow at the end.

It's an interesting story with Al and I because we've known each other for decades.

30 years I remember meeting him when I was very young I think I was about five years old when I met him that might sound strange to some people but you know we were just kids then and we would just play together and and so we reconnected as adults but kind of going oh we've got such a connection and it's like it is a bit confusing and a bit odd but we really fancy each other and

And then, you know, we were kind of going, yeah, but we're not allowed to fancy each other because my auntie is married to your dad.

It's weird.

And so there was obviously there was all that kind of back and forth, but we kind of couldn't help it in the end.