Emily Falk

And so...

Those kinds of decisions are conflated with one another to the degree that we tend to have these biases where we think of things that are me typically on average as being good and things that are not me as being on average bad.

We also have optimism biases where we think of ourselves as being above average, like more than 50% of people think that they're an above average driver.

And so when you say, well, you know, you might not be an above average driver.

You're actually like pretty risky driver, pretty dangerous driver.

People don't say, oh, thank you.

Like, I'm so glad that you pointed that out.

Now I'll go and like get some lessons so that I can be less of a danger to myself and other people on the road.

There's the old comedy bit about how people who are driving faster than you are maniacs and people who are driving slower than you are are, you know, super stodgy.

And of course, you're driving at exactly the right speed.

Exactly.

So I think that one of the things that can happen is that when, like, for example, when my grandma told me that she wished that we could spend more time together and I barely got it together to let her finish her sentence before explaining why she was wrong, that it's not just that, you know, I'm thinking about that specific situation of like, are we actually spending quality time together right now or not?

But also, like I said to you earlier, like, am I being a good granddaughter, which is an identity that's important to me?

Like, am I being somebody who shows up for her family in a way that feels good for them?

And so this idea that, like, we...

cling to the idea that we're doing things right is extremely common.

Like there's a New Yorker cartoon, I think, where there's a bunch of guys sitting around a boardroom table and the caption is, my last comment appeared to be inviting feedback.

Do not be fooled.

Right.

And that's funny because like the guy is, you know, maybe he said something like he's interested in feedback, but everybody sitting around the table knows that what he actually wants to hear is that he's doing a great job.