Eric Lopez

All right guys, so I ended up in Iraq in 2009, fighting for the Taliban. Obviously I didn't get the 72 virgins. A photo leaked out of me eating some bacon. But I did the next best thing. I walked into a carpet shop and I told dude, yo, you got a magic carpet? He's like, no, Aladdin took the last one. But I got this fuck rug, since I like you my friend, 85 bucks.

All right guys, so I ended up in Iraq in 2009, fighting for the Taliban. Obviously I didn't get the 72 virgins. A photo leaked out of me eating some bacon. But I did the next best thing. I walked into a carpet shop and I told dude, yo, you got a magic carpet? He's like, no, Aladdin took the last one. But I got this fuck rug, since I like you my friend, 85 bucks.

All right guys, so I ended up in Iraq in 2009, fighting for the Taliban. Obviously I didn't get the 72 virgins. A photo leaked out of me eating some bacon. But I did the next best thing. I walked into a carpet shop and I told dude, yo, you got a magic carpet? He's like, no, Aladdin took the last one. But I got this fuck rug, since I like you my friend, 85 bucks.

He's like, you know what, think about it. You got a dinner and a date, you spend over 100 bucks and you still don't get laid. Fuck rug, guaranteed sex. I'm like, man, you got anything cheaper? Yes, our most popular model, the goat fuck rug. 20 bucks, no goat can resist. And I was like, any goat? So I needed to say I fucked Tom Brady.

He's like, you know what, think about it. You got a dinner and a date, you spend over 100 bucks and you still don't get laid. Fuck rug, guaranteed sex. I'm like, man, you got anything cheaper? Yes, our most popular model, the goat fuck rug. 20 bucks, no goat can resist. And I was like, any goat? So I needed to say I fucked Tom Brady.

He's like, you know what, think about it. You got a dinner and a date, you spend over 100 bucks and you still don't get laid. Fuck rug, guaranteed sex. I'm like, man, you got anything cheaper? Yes, our most popular model, the goat fuck rug. 20 bucks, no goat can resist. And I was like, any goat? So I needed to say I fucked Tom Brady.

Funny thing happened, ref stepped in, threw a yellow flag, penalized me for roughing the passer. I nutsacked him like three times, and at the end of it, like, yeah, that's how my balls deflated. All right, guys, thank you.

Funny thing happened, ref stepped in, threw a yellow flag, penalized me for roughing the passer. I nutsacked him like three times, and at the end of it, like, yeah, that's how my balls deflated. All right, guys, thank you.

Funny thing happened, ref stepped in, threw a yellow flag, penalized me for roughing the passer. I nutsacked him like three times, and at the end of it, like, yeah, that's how my balls deflated. All right, guys, thank you.

I actually showed up to that old place that burned up, episode three in Austin.

I actually showed up to that old place that burned up, episode three in Austin.

I actually showed up to that old place that burned up, episode three in Austin.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Since that day. You started then and there. Well, it was like my fifth time doing comedy.

Since that day. You started then and there. Well, it was like my fifth time doing comedy.

Since that day. You started then and there. Well, it was like my fifth time doing comedy.

But let's say around coming up in four years.

But let's say around coming up in four years.