Eric Smith

And it was this long list of antipsychotics that I had been tried over the years that all just failed. There was one thing on that list that did not have a line through it that that doctor had not crossed out. And she passes this paper to me across the table. And I'm still full on psychotic. Like I'm in the middle of a hospital.

And so I'm sitting there and this doctor's like, Eric, we've tried everything, almost everything. There is one med we haven't tried and we should try it. And I'm like, what is it? Like, I'm like, I don't even have hope any of this is going to work because I'm not ill. As Dr. Javier Almodor says, I'm not sick. I don't need help. It's the title of his book, title of his talk.

And so I'm sitting there and this doctor's like, Eric, we've tried everything, almost everything. There is one med we haven't tried and we should try it. And I'm like, what is it? Like, I'm like, I don't even have hope any of this is going to work because I'm not ill. As Dr. Javier Almodor says, I'm not sick. I don't need help. It's the title of his book, title of his talk.

And so I'm sitting there and this doctor's like, Eric, we've tried everything, almost everything. There is one med we haven't tried and we should try it. And I'm like, what is it? Like, I'm like, I don't even have hope any of this is going to work because I'm not ill. As Dr. Javier Almodor says, I'm not sick. I don't need help. It's the title of his book, title of his talk.

That's the life I was living at that point. Full on lack of insight. I didn't understand I was ill due to the nature of my illness. The doctor says, it's called Clozapine. I said, oh no, I've been given that a bunch of times. And she goes, no, not Clonazepam, Clozapine. I'm like, oh, I hear you, there's a difference. I said, what's the deal?

That's the life I was living at that point. Full on lack of insight. I didn't understand I was ill due to the nature of my illness. The doctor says, it's called Clozapine. I said, oh no, I've been given that a bunch of times. And she goes, no, not Clonazepam, Clozapine. I'm like, oh, I hear you, there's a difference. I said, what's the deal?

That's the life I was living at that point. Full on lack of insight. I didn't understand I was ill due to the nature of my illness. The doctor says, it's called Clozapine. I said, oh no, I've been given that a bunch of times. And she goes, no, not Clonazepam, Clozapine. I'm like, oh, I hear you, there's a difference. I said, what's the deal?

She says, okay, if you go on this, you will have to do blood draws every morning If you stay on it, there's a chance like if things are going well, we can start lowering the frequency of those blood draws. But for now, if you do this, you will have to do those blood draws.

She says, okay, if you go on this, you will have to do blood draws every morning If you stay on it, there's a chance like if things are going well, we can start lowering the frequency of those blood draws. But for now, if you do this, you will have to do those blood draws.

She says, okay, if you go on this, you will have to do blood draws every morning If you stay on it, there's a chance like if things are going well, we can start lowering the frequency of those blood draws. But for now, if you do this, you will have to do those blood draws.

That was a huge sticking point because I thought that by that point, I was so full on psychotic that like I thought that I was, you know, some sort of being that was created truly by like divine beings and that my blood had secrets in them that mankind shouldn't have access to all kinds of stuff like divine secrets. It was, it was bad.

That was a huge sticking point because I thought that by that point, I was so full on psychotic that like I thought that I was, you know, some sort of being that was created truly by like divine beings and that my blood had secrets in them that mankind shouldn't have access to all kinds of stuff like divine secrets. It was, it was bad.

That was a huge sticking point because I thought that by that point, I was so full on psychotic that like I thought that I was, you know, some sort of being that was created truly by like divine beings and that my blood had secrets in them that mankind shouldn't have access to all kinds of stuff like divine secrets. It was, it was bad.

And if you ever saw a photo of me at that point, my hair was longer. I had a beard. I was a little thinner and younger. There were people who frequently would meet me in public and be like, Oh, you look like Jesus. I started to think that maybe that was the case. It was rough. So I didn't want to give people access to my blood.

And if you ever saw a photo of me at that point, my hair was longer. I had a beard. I was a little thinner and younger. There were people who frequently would meet me in public and be like, Oh, you look like Jesus. I started to think that maybe that was the case. It was rough. So I didn't want to give people access to my blood.

And if you ever saw a photo of me at that point, my hair was longer. I had a beard. I was a little thinner and younger. There were people who frequently would meet me in public and be like, Oh, you look like Jesus. I started to think that maybe that was the case. It was rough. So I didn't want to give people access to my blood.

I also thought by that point, since the secret service had gotten involved in and everyone else was involved, I felt safe enough that if I did give my blood, that either the divine secrets would be protected or it would go to like some top shelf, top security lab where people who could have access to it would do it.

I also thought by that point, since the secret service had gotten involved in and everyone else was involved, I felt safe enough that if I did give my blood, that either the divine secrets would be protected or it would go to like some top shelf, top security lab where people who could have access to it would do it.

I also thought by that point, since the secret service had gotten involved in and everyone else was involved, I felt safe enough that if I did give my blood, that either the divine secrets would be protected or it would go to like some top shelf, top security lab where people who could have access to it would do it.

By the luck of the draw and by the roll of the dice, I happened to be in a weird enough psychotic state to agree to close the peen at that particular point. So I was put on Clozapine. Started at very low dose. I want to give a quick shout out to Team Daniel Running for Recovery, Dr. Rob Leitman and his wife, Dr. Anne Mandel, and all of the people in this group.