Esther Falick

Meanwhile, I was like, don't worry, mom and dad.

I'll be the lead in all the musicals.

like I'll take care of myself like just get the carpool there on time you know like and my dad he was a psychiatrist for a while like a child psychologist there were a lot of people like at my high school I didn't know were his patients oh my god that would sometimes come up to me and be like hey tell your dad I said hi like oh your dad's the best like he saved my life I'd be like cool what's your name again

It was like, oh wow, my dad is having such an effect in people's lives.

It made me feel really proud.

And because I want to have an effect in my own way, and I felt like he was having an effect in his way, and I really looked up to that.

So we had a really solid relationship.

he was always in the front row for all my shows, you know?

Yeah.

After he passed, I guess that's a spoiler.

Yeah.

After he passed at one point I was like watching old high school show tapes and I like would recognize the back of his head, like in the front row of all the shows.

He was so proud.

So special.

Like I knew that he was supporting me there.

Like never any questions, you know?

Now, in some ways, I think it has contributed to certain pathologies now.

I felt like the only time when I could count on my family's attention was when I had a show.

Mm-hmm.

So now sometimes I'm like, if I don't have some big project, I have to remind myself I'm worthy of love, et cetera, et cetera.