Esther Perel

And that one of the main ways you do it is that instead of waiting for me to ask you another question, did you, did you come to this restaurant?

Did you take her here?

Did you go there?

You are the one who say, when we pass in front of the restaurant and we drive there and you say, we didn't come here and you preempt me.

Because what you think is that all my questions is because I want to make your life difficult.

That's not the case.

I question you a hundred times the same question because what you did has just shattered my reality.

And I don't trust myself anymore because I thought I knew my reality.

And now I think like everything I thought was real was actually possibly not.

So I come back to ask you the same thing because I need to kind of reconstitute my reality.

That's what I'm doing with you.

If you think of it

At that moment, and you tell me, then I learn to trust you again.

That's actually where the trust gets rebuilt.

Because now I'm not thinking that I'm the only one who cares about what happened.

I'm the only one who's hurt.

I'm the only one who thinks that we've just taken a big hit in our relationship.

I know you're in it with me.

And that allows me to then think about something else.

but sometimes before you ask a question and this I'm going to say to all our viewers here ask yourself do you want to know the answer to your question or do you want your partner to know that you have the question give me an example did you fall in love with her did you think about leaving me did you hope I would never find out