Esther Perel

It's the ability to take responsibility without shame.

and do you suggest or again does it not matter should repair happen in the moment or can you wait great question so some people can do it in the moment other people need 20 minutes two hours or two days so if you are with someone who needs two days don't start talking in the moment they're totally dysregulated they can't listen they're not yet there wait

But this is what happens is that you have one person who needs to make sure that we don't go to bed.

Upset.

Upset.

And the other one who just doesn't, don't give me one more word or I'm going to.

Explode.

Yeah.

So this is where one needs to learn to engage sooner and one needs to learn to wait longer.

That's friction, by the way.

It's accountability and it's acknowledgement of the differences.

I mean, you're needing the three days is not because of me.

You need three days is because of who you are and how you've learned to calm down and whatever history you come with.

And the most important piece about it is not to personalize it.

Then I can say, look, after a day, because I'm not sure that you like the three days.

Maybe you actually would love it if it was just half a day, but you don't know how to do it.

Because, you know, you wait, you wait, you wait till all the nervous system kind of sets back in.

You've gone three times to do sports, whatever you needed to do to kind of, you know, get yourself back to ground zero.

I could help you actually.

That's the thing.