Father
Appearances
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
Hey, everyone. Welcome to this week's episode of Father Knows Something. That's right. We have a guest host tonight. Holly, as you know, is over here, but in the spirit of Holly, we have one of her cousins. And Pedro has joined us for this evening, and he's had a busy day today.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
What comes from insecurity sometimes? A whole lot. We're going to find out.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
But the most important thing that you have is you have self. And that has more value than any of these things that these guys, you know, Bezos buying this 500 some odd million dollar yacht. Great. I wouldn't know what to do with it. Would it be great to go say, I had a $500 million yacht for about 22 seconds, right? Right. Maybe not even 22 seconds.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
If you have a use for something, it's great to have something and be able to use it and enjoy it with whatever it does to bring your enjoyment. But you got to be able to be able to do it comfortably without any stress. And that's the thing is go through life with the comfort of the simplest things and And whatever else happens is a bonus.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
But be delighted that you get to experience and enjoy life with your friends at the most basic, simplest levels. That's right. And then you'll have no issue.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
Doesn't matter what they have. Great for them. I'm glad they're happy. It makes them happy. It's not a problem. I don't treat any of my friends that have other items and say... go enjoy that because that's sarcasm and that's negative. That's not really saying go have fun, enjoy whatever, whatever you do, whatever you get, enjoy it for whatever, for whatever reason.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
And if one day you find you don't enjoy it, you'll get rid of it and go find something else that you enjoy.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
I really do enjoy the people that are in my life. I enjoy doing this show. I enjoy walking the dog. There's certain things that are so basic. It's the small things. It really is. And they're the easy things. They don't bring on any stress or any pressure. And that's a nice way to live.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
We all use the word organically. It will organically happen.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
Thanks for writing. Let us know what happens with that one and how you find your happiness and keep developing.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
Wow, there's a lot of dynamics going on here. I think that you would be happy if you want to even marry the guy, but if you do want to marry the guy, you would be happy to have something with grandma and grandpa and make them satisfied that they can be a part of it. But does that mean it has to involve a 200 person wedding?
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
If it's too much for you, no, it can involve going to the courthouse or going to someone who's going to marry you, standing in front of them and have grandma and grandpa could be in the front row, whoever you want to have next to you. And the very intimate small gig and you know, Whatever you choose. You're just trying to get through the fact, is this your person? And that's step one.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
And in relationships, they don't always go smoothly. And the longer you've been together, the more comfortable you are. You feel that you can voice what's really important to you. But you can't be criticized when you do it. You have to really be able to say, I understand your thought process. Here's my thought process. And we need to work through this.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
Now, this is a decision you're going to have to figure out. Can you guys work out the fact that you are more important than than the rest of the people outside your nucleus. You know, when I'm in a relationship and I've figured out who's my nucleus, no one's going to bust that. That is my nucleus.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
And that is, when I'm in that place, that's a beautiful place to be because you really have your person that you guys can work together to achieve it. You may not always agree on how to achieve it because we're different. Um, and that's the point. You gotta be really able to listen to them, maybe even learn from them, hear them.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
And it's going to be okay. Even if you may not get what you, the way you wanted to do it, it might just work out just fine because you love each other and you trust one another.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
And the fact that these people try to hijack your lives and it was important that you, they don't hide. Look, some people may have said, shit, let them go make the wedding and we'll show up. And some people say, that's not going to work for me. And you're the second person, the second type. I don't want them to go just make it and have me show up.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
I want to have a small wedding or I want to be able to do it this way. And that's exactly what you should do and not change it. And if you can't afford to do a big one, you just do the small intimate one. If they want to show up, great. If they don't, oh, well. I'm sure it's important to him to have his grandparents there. And my hat's off to you to say, you know, I can see the importance.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
But these are the constraints that we're going to do it. Yeah. And whoever wants to be on board with it, great. And whoever doesn't, oh, well. Because remember, this is your nucleus. It's not their nucleus. Yes.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
He found himself on the front door mat with the door locked.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
Are you okay if he breaks, if she says, you know something, honey, seven years, I get it. We've spent together, but I recognize that this is not going to work. I cannot recover from that pain and we got to move on. Is that okay?
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
And what happens if they break up? There could be two different things. A couple of things can happen. One, she can end up missing him and saying, there's no way I'm going to continue not being with him. I know what he means to me. I want to be in that life. And at the same time, maybe he'll have some hallelujah moments and they can work it out.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
Or number two, they can break up and they can say, you know something, I don't even miss them.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
So, you know, give it some thought and live what you think. Engage it and see what happens. I mean, it's been seven months. It's not healing, it doesn't sound like it's healing. It sounds like there's a gap and in order to heal the gap, she may have to just process this to say, am I prepared to move forward and let this all sink in?
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
Because it's got to really sink in that what their life is without one another. and say, do I really want this person in my life? And or will I let this person out of my life? And, you know, I've had this conversation before. I had that moment. I made that change. I said, I got to find out one way or the other what is going to happen. And at the end of the day, I made the right decision.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
And you move forward. And it allows your ability to get the right person. And it's honest. And it's clean. So you have to make that choice. You may walk away. And next thing you know, two or three months later, say, you know something, I really recognize that I could have worked this out. And I need to go see where that person is and see if we want to do it.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
Well, it was a simple thing for him. He sided with his family and it locked him out of your heart at that moment. But if you can't get that lock opened... You know, you're doomed. You've got to come at it from a way that you want it to be there because you do discover that this person is the love of your life.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
In my case, I found that I made the right choice and opened the door for me maybe to find the love of my life. Without that, it would never have happened.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
She changed. She had the switch go off. She has changed and she has not changed back.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
So there's only one direction you can go. You gotta, you gotta, you gotta push them. You gotta work the muscle. You gotta push the muscle. See what happens. See if it gets stronger. See if it just goes away. Yeah. We move on to a new one. So we wish you, uh, great discoveries and happiness. Either way, it's going to work out because right now you're sitting in limbo and you're keeping score.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
And I always say, when you start to keep score, game over. So let us know what you do, please. And I'm sure there'll be a lot of write-ins on this one as well. Yes. So we look for your comments.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
A lot of things are timing. Everything in life is timing. How do you mention to people? I think people are still going to be happy. The fact that you're going to go through an experience. I think it's just timing when you deliver it and how you deliver it. And do I have that answer? I don't.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
And you also have to look at the fact that they might be upset eventually if you don't tell them. Why didn't you tell us that you were pregnant? So you can say in your conversation, I know you guys have been through some hardship. And I don't want to do anything to hurt your feelings, but I also don't want to make you angry with me if I don't share something with you.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
And they'll say, well, what is that? And you'll say, I just found out that I'm with child. And I don't want to tell you this to hurt you. I just don't want you to be angry if I don't share it with you because it is a big moment. And, you know, I think you make them part of your solution rather than fear that they're part of your problem.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
Because I think, you know, naturally they might just turn around and say, you know, with the goodness, this is life moving on. And sometimes they have to do that. You have to say life moves on, goes forward. And for whatever reason, what happened to me, people always say, why me? And the answer really is, how do I move forward? How do I make this better? What do I do next?
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
And that's what they have to do. They have to get through it. They may have to go through grief counseling. They may have to go through some other issues. time time heals it's you just don't understand you know why some of this stuff happens but we've all said why me yeah and the answer is we don't know but what are we going to do about it right and how are we going to move forward
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
No, it's life. Life is going to have it. They're going to experience people's coming up being pregnant. Can they hate everybody because they got pregnant and something happened with their child?
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
we don't know but you have to when you do it you can't spit in their face doing it but you can say just i really do believe in the way of his approach and someone i'm sure that people have other other approaches as well i just want you not to be angry if i don't share this with you because it is a moment And I know it's something that you guys might say later. Why don't you tell us?
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
And rather than go down there, I'd rather just share it with you and just say that we're all a family. We all love each other. We're new friends. And we're going to get through all of this.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
Yeah. I think, I think that you, it's when you pitch it, it's not look, look at me. It's, I just don't want you to be angry that I'm not sharing something with you because we're, we're friends and we only talk in honesty.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
And I want you to know what's going on within me.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
He was. He was a little, you know, trying to figure out what these guys were all about. But mainly he was very cool. And then he's, you know, he didn't even bark at him. He just kind of looked.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
Quite frankly, let's just take the issue with the family first.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
I do have a question. Yeah. And I wish that she could answer this, but I know that she'll answer it to herself. Why do you think he likes you as his girlfriend? And then take that thought and put that in your head and say, if he didn't like me for that, then he wouldn't have me. So that's number one. Number two, I have friends that are women.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
Because that's the most important thing. You know, if you can manage to get an apartment where you guys can afford it and have your own environment where you're not bringing everybody else in. and the dynamics of what goes on in a family home into your relationship, as you know, you're still working on your own relationship. I would say, get an apartment.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
That's my first thing is if you can do it, that's number one. Yeah. Far as the intimacy side, there are many all over the internet, there's advice on how to get each other off. And I would go look at it. I would look at different things about how to achieve orgasm as couples.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
And I don't know if you can afford a sexual therapist or not, but I would just start going and searching how to achieve orgasms just through the internet. There's all kinds of stuff out there that's more therapeutic on how to do it rather than just saying, gee, let's go watch porn. I would certainly go take the educational side of it.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
I mean, there are stuff out there on how to achieve orgasms and how to touch one another and taking the time and building... There's all kinds of stuff that you can get educated. But at the end of the day, each one of you are individual. And you're not always the person that your buttons are the same of what you're learning. So you're going to have to be able to talk to each other.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
And finding the right spot is also multifaceted.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
I have no interest in those friends other than the woman that is in my life when they're in my life, who I want to be with. And they know when they're the one because I make sure they are aware of it. So it doesn't matter who I hang out with, what I do, because same thing with them. They have friends that are guys too. And if they wanted to be with the guy, they wouldn't be with me.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
I would say it's therapist. There sounds like there's some things that are going on and flags are rising. So I would certainly go investigate it. and see what's going on in your head and your freedoms with each other. And so therapy seems to be something that since you said, dad, what's your opinion on it? I would say, I think that you bring in some professional assistance.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
And I really do believe that it's because you guys are having some issues right now, don't add to your issues by going into your future in-laws or his parents' home where there is going to be some issues with noise or
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
I mean, I can imagine if you were on the other side of the house and there was a garage that was remote and you guys can- You're like in your own wing.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
We're going to roll on to number six. Number six. The grand finale, I think. Is it? Well, I was told you're doing six stories.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
Take the lessons learned. Go on. Stay on your path. Do what you love. We all have failure in our success. In every resume of everyone that is out there that has been successful in life have had failure. We learn from it. We grow from it. It makes us appreciate everything more. If the journey was just a flying easy thing, we're not going to learn.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
Not to where you learn what not to do and how to make things better and how to to make you a better employee to answer the questions that they have, what they want you to do and how to comply. Without the failure, you sometimes don't learn it. So don't take it as the word failure. Take it as the word growth. This is a growth opportunity. It's going to make you stronger, to make you better.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
And you're going to go on and you're going to be even a more wonderful educator. And that's where you have to look at it. But don't acquiesce to it. Don't say, it beat me. Don't get beaten. Get stronger.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
Maybe they didn't know how to educate you. Maybe they're not that great of an educator or an administrator where they can actually train you and say, you know, we see this. Can you come on in? We want to talk to you about it. We want to help you make you better. That didn't happen.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
I see this every day. I hear about it every day. There are good bosses. There are bad bosses. How do you tell who they are in the beginning? You just have to keep your eyes open and learn. And then you're going to realize the more you're with the bad ones, what made the good ones great.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
And that's as simple as it is. So let that be your confidence and reality, knowing that if they're with you and they go visit a friend, that they're visiting a friend. And if you can be included, great. And if you've worked that day, great. It's great when you can all be friends. And sometimes it is, and sometimes it doesn't work, but that doesn't mean that he's into that person.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
And those are the ones you want to take with you, those lessons, because that will make you a better administrator and a better leader as you get older. Again, wisdom. That's how you get wisdom. You can't get it by the book. You got to get it by the experience.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
So everything that you're doing that might be setting you back a little bit, you are growing far more forward than you'll ever imagine because you're picking up the wisdom from it.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
That's right. Every, every bad right turns, turns into be a great left turn. It's just, gets you on the different street and you just never know where it's going to take you. But I've, I've never had a success without failure and I've never had a failure that didn't lead me to success. Yep.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
So write the train, write the wave, write whatever you want to call it, write it and you'll see it will be a, it's going to be a great journey.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
It's all the journey. It's, it's, it's not the destination. It's the journey.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
Everyone, come over to the backyard. We're going to have Patreon. We look forward to seeing you there. And Pedro, thanks for coming on the show with us.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
So Pedro, Justin, Jerry. Some people think, why does he call himself dad? Because I am. D-A-D. And we all love you and thanks for joining the show. We'll see you next week.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
Because I can guarantee you, I have women friends, ex-girlfriends that are some women friends of mine, and I'm just not into them anymore or the other people I've never been into. But we are good friends. There's no sexual tension. There's no desire. There's none of the above. Zero. It's a flat line. And the person that is with me knows that they are my special person.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
And that's as simple as this. So I would just recognize that the fact that he is with you, he's spending his love with you, but if he's spending some friendship time, it's okay. You have to let your person have their own time and their own friendships and their own relationship. They're probably talking about you anyways and positive stuff. and laughing and having a good time.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
He is. He is. So it's great to have him on the show. So he's going to help Justin come up with the answers.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
And then when that person meets you, you know, meets you, they said, Oh, we've had such a good conversation. We talked about you and how wonderful you are. Don't always take it to be negative. Let's accept the positive because if it was negative, he'd be gone. Yeah. He'd be history.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
A lot of wisdom. In fact, it's really an interesting thing because I found that sometimes I've run across people that are very, very, very bright. Sometimes they're not as bright as they think they are, but they're bright. But what they do lack sometimes is wisdom.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
I would just continue to have more confidence in yourself and that the value that you bring this fellow in the relationship and he sees you for much more than sometimes you may even think you see yourself. Give yourself a little more credit and be a little more confident about who you are.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
Yes. He's just got a real mellow energy. The whole family's got a mellow energy.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
So I think we should all recognize that sometimes we may think we know the answer and we may think that we know better than what people are out there. Sometimes never underestimate the people that you're around because you may find out that they hold a lot of wisdom that you may learn something from them. That's right. So there's the lesson of the day. And that's our guy right over here.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
Boy, it's good to be 18 and free and young and growing, experiencing new things. It's wonderful. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. Don't go into a relationship just because you think that they have it and they're having a great time.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
Everyone has a great time in the beginning, and sometimes they grow so fast that they don't grow at the same level, and you'll find these relationships come and go. So pace yourself. When it's going to happen, it's going to happen. And just go out and enjoy and experience everything you can with your friends. You and your friends. Just have fun. Don't pressure it. Somebody is going to see you.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
And all of a sudden, you're going to be seen. And then you're going to see yourself as a different person. And the interesting thing is you're still the same person. True. So, you know, just be you. Be that you and be you at your best. And just explore life. Don't put any pressure on yourself. Don't think any less of yourself than the magnificent person that God has given us to be. You're fine.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
Everything. Always someone. And that person that is better than us, trust me, there's always someone bigger and better than him.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
You haven't met the right person yet. Change the way you say it. I am the only one that doesn't have to deal with a relationship.
Father Knows Something
164: Father Knows: Insecurity
I never, when I look at people that have other things that I don't have, I never look and say, gee, I wish I were them and I had those things. I'm very thankful for who I am and what I have within myself. And I think that when you finally get comfortable with who you are in self and Everything else is a bonus, what you get to experience or share with other people and things like that.