Frankie

Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the Basement Yard, our 500th episode. That's 10.

Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the Basement Yard, our 500th episode. That's 10.

And then he tells me, he's like, by the way, I just want, you know, I didn't want to, cause I was in the lobby and I didn't want to tell you I'm a huge fan. He's like, I'm a huge fan of yours. And you know, whatever. I love the podcast. I was like, Oh, thank you, man. I appreciate it.

And then he tells me, he's like, by the way, I just want, you know, I didn't want to, cause I was in the lobby and I didn't want to tell you I'm a huge fan. He's like, I'm a huge fan of yours. And you know, whatever. I love the podcast. I was like, Oh, thank you, man. I appreciate it.

No. So I went to a different one and he actually made a comment. He was like, Oh, you know, we were jealous that you went to the other one. And I was like, oh, I don't even know how the fuck they knew that. I think because they were checking the system. Yeah, the records. So he says that, and I'm like, okay, cool. And he leaves the room for a second to go get the doctor. I look down.

No. So I went to a different one and he actually made a comment. He was like, Oh, you know, we were jealous that you went to the other one. And I was like, oh, I don't even know how the fuck they knew that. I think because they were checking the system. Yeah, the records. So he says that, and I'm like, okay, cool. And he leaves the room for a second to go get the doctor. I look down.

My fly could not be more gaped. It's so open.

My fly could not be more gaped. It's so open.

Because, yeah, because I'm like always – before we go on stage, I'm like checking to see that it's open. But it was so –

Because, yeah, because I'm like always – before we go on stage, I'm like checking to see that it's open. But it was so –

dude i'm not kidding so cavernous it was so open just like what kind of pants were you wearing jeans i was wearing a pants like kind of like these like a whatever but like i think the way that i was sitting it just didn't help and it was so opened and i'm like this guy's getting a look at my penis and the dog and the dog's penis so he's seeing one of them is a real hot spot and the other one is just just a spot playfully infected spot just a dot

dude i'm not kidding so cavernous it was so open just like what kind of pants were you wearing jeans i was wearing a pants like kind of like these like a whatever but like i think the way that i was sitting it just didn't help and it was so opened and i'm like this guy's getting a look at my penis and the dog and the dog's penis so he's seeing one of them is a real hot spot and the other one is just just a spot playfully infected spot just a dot

Had to drink. Right.

Had to drink. Right.

Yeah, and I was like, oh, okay, thanks. But that was like no discount, but, you know, they did a good job.

Yeah, and I was like, oh, okay, thanks. But that was like no discount, but, you know, they did a good job.

I was totally okay with that. I mean, it wasn't a huge bill. The other one was a pretty big bill.

I was totally okay with that. I mean, it wasn't a huge bill. The other one was a pretty big bill.

You don't even listen when I talk. Because nobody is going to milk my dog, Frank.

You don't even listen when I talk. Because nobody is going to milk my dog, Frank.

They express them. Oh.

They express them. Oh.

I would not want my anal gland expressed.

I would not want my anal gland expressed.

I don't think we have that either.

I don't think we have that either.

Was it a, was it a, did it take long?

Was it a, was it a, did it take long?

You really are 21, aren't you?

You really are 21, aren't you?

When I got my permit.

When I got my permit.

500 episodes.

500 episodes.

You've got so much karma. You're coming your way. It's insane.

You've got so much karma. You're coming your way. It's insane.

Like from the Lord above?

Like from the Lord above?

Please tell me this was like, oh, my big fat tits or something. It was it? What'd it say? Bro, the guy...

Please tell me this was like, oh, my big fat tits or something. It was it? What'd it say? Bro, the guy...

What is it?

What is it?

So that was your sign? That was my sign. Damn, dude. You should have been like, this will be good for the podcast and walked over and be like, hey, Rusty, what are you watching? Yeah. The fuck is this? You wanted me to, like, inquire and just be like, let's sit down and analyze this together. I mean, I don't have that in me.

So that was your sign? That was my sign. Damn, dude. You should have been like, this will be good for the podcast and walked over and be like, hey, Rusty, what are you watching? Yeah. The fuck is this? You wanted me to, like, inquire and just be like, let's sit down and analyze this together. I mean, I don't have that in me.

I could never do that to a stranger and walk up and be like, are you blasting audio porn right now? What's going on, sir?

I could never do that to a stranger and walk up and be like, are you blasting audio porn right now? What's going on, sir?

Bro, you know what's crazy? Like, obviously that's ridiculous. There's... Those videos that exist... You said that one was like AI or something? It sounded like... Like, the cadence was very AI-like. You know what I mean? It probably was. And he was like, oh... I can only imagine what he was watching, honestly. Oh, God. I've been getting these, like...

Bro, you know what's crazy? Like, obviously that's ridiculous. There's... Those videos that exist... You said that one was like AI or something? It sounded like... Like, the cadence was very AI-like. You know what I mean? It probably was. And he was like, oh... I can only imagine what he was watching, honestly. Oh, God. I've been getting these, like...

tiktok shop fucking ads or something bro but they're so weird it's like a girl in the middle of telling a story about oh my boyfriend has never clapped my cheeks as hard as he has this past weekend and then she's selling some product like ashwagandha pills or something it's like my boyfriend like was clapping the thunder clapping the shit out of my cheeks and i'm like

tiktok shop fucking ads or something bro but they're so weird it's like a girl in the middle of telling a story about oh my boyfriend has never clapped my cheeks as hard as he has this past weekend and then she's selling some product like ashwagandha pills or something it's like my boyfriend like was clapping the thunder clapping the shit out of my cheeks and i'm like

This is what advertising is now?

This is what advertising is now?

And so a dude is watching that being like, oh, if he thunderclapped her shit, then I'm going to thunderclap some cat.

And so a dude is watching that being like, oh, if he thunderclapped her shit, then I'm going to thunderclap some cat.

You know what I'm talking about? Did I ever tell you what I went to? I, when I lived in Astoria, I went to the deli and I got a sandwich and I'm, uh, I'm paying for it. And the dude goes, he starts pointing to like, cause there's like, it's right next to the, it's literally as you're paying, it's right here. Yeah, and literally it's like giraffe tits or something. You know what I'm saying? Yes.

You know what I'm talking about? Did I ever tell you what I went to? I, when I lived in Astoria, I went to the deli and I got a sandwich and I'm, uh, I'm paying for it. And the dude goes, he starts pointing to like, cause there's like, it's right next to the, it's literally as you're paying, it's right here. Yeah, and literally it's like giraffe tits or something. You know what I'm saying? Yes.

Hard giraffe dick or whatever it's called. And it's like something like that. And he's like, yo, you want – you need this? And I was like, no, I'm good. He's like, no, bro. He's like, you need it. And I'm like, what's going on, bro? I'm trying to buy a sandwich from you. I'm trying to like help out.

Hard giraffe dick or whatever it's called. And it's like something like that. And he's like, yo, you want – you need this? And I was like, no, I'm good. He's like, no, bro. He's like, you need it. And I'm like, what's going on, bro? I'm trying to buy a sandwich from you. I'm trying to like help out.

Yeah, I was like, yo, why do you think that I need some, you know, turbo hyena dick or whatever the fuck? Like what vibes am I giving off that you think I need that?

Yeah, I was like, yo, why do you think that I need some, you know, turbo hyena dick or whatever the fuck? Like what vibes am I giving off that you think I need that?

That was nuts.

That was nuts.

Nothing has ever, I've eaten anything. I've been like, it's go time. It's never happened to me.

Nothing has ever, I've eaten anything. I've been like, it's go time. It's never happened to me.

Never.

Never.

It felt wrong when you said it, but it was right.

It felt wrong when you said it, but it was right.

Horny hot sauce. I'm giving you that for free, by the way. We're not going to market a horny hot sauce. Everyone else is doing it. I know.

Horny hot sauce. I'm giving you that for free, by the way. We're not going to market a horny hot sauce. Everyone else is doing it. I know.

I know. You might as well. I know. It is kind of crazy that those are like a thing. And again, we're not saying there's an issue with people who have ED. I get it. Correct. People have erectile dysfunction. That's totally fine. But if you're going to buy your pills... right next to where you would buy a lighter.

I know. You might as well. I know. It is kind of crazy that those are like a thing. And again, we're not saying there's an issue with people who have ED. I get it. Correct. People have erectile dysfunction. That's totally fine. But if you're going to buy your pills... right next to where you would buy a lighter.

I'm just saying maybe you've made mistakes.

I'm just saying maybe you've made mistakes.

Yeah, fuck that motherfucker that was pawning off the pills. Yeah, that's crazy. And saying that I needed them.

Yeah, fuck that motherfucker that was pawning off the pills. Yeah, that's crazy. And saying that I needed them.

It's also about going fast and then an animal. Yeah, so it would be like nitrous oxide hyena dick fucker. I don't know. We'll workshop the name. We're coming up with stuff, but we do have some ads. That's not a good place to start. We do have some ads for this episode. The first one being, how you doing? Stitch Fix. Shopping is hard, but a better way to do that? With Stitch Fix.

It's also about going fast and then an animal. Yeah, so it would be like nitrous oxide hyena dick fucker. I don't know. We'll workshop the name. We're coming up with stuff, but we do have some ads. That's not a good place to start. We do have some ads for this episode. The first one being, how you doing? Stitch Fix. Shopping is hard, but a better way to do that? With Stitch Fix.

Since I had... Oh, my head of hair. I'm so glad that I can sing because I've been like losing my voice kind of because I was like sick.

Since I had... Oh, my head of hair. I'm so glad that I can sing because I've been like losing my voice kind of because I was like sick.

Stitch Fix is like an online stylist. Okay, you go onto their website, you take a style quiz, you tell them, I like wearing clothes like this, I like stripes, I like this kind of fit, I'm this tall, this is my waist size, stuff like that.

Stitch Fix is like an online stylist. Okay, you go onto their website, you take a style quiz, you tell them, I like wearing clothes like this, I like stripes, I like this kind of fit, I'm this tall, this is my waist size, stuff like that.

You let them know the kind of clothes that you like to wear, and then they get to work, and they pull a bunch of stuff from a bunch of brands that you know and love, they send it to your house, and you only pay for the stuff that you keep. Okay, the rest you send back, and... Returns are always free. So whatever you send back or whatever, you don't have to pay for. It's great.

You let them know the kind of clothes that you like to wear, and then they get to work, and they pull a bunch of stuff from a bunch of brands that you know and love, they send it to your house, and you only pay for the stuff that you keep. Okay, the rest you send back, and... Returns are always free. So whatever you send back or whatever, you don't have to pay for. It's great.

But it's a great way to kind of keep your closet clean. current. Okay. You always get it. And it's nice to get a little package every once in a while and be like, Ooh, some new clothes, you know, and someone's working for you. They know your style, what you like to wear, which brands you like, and they'll send stuff to your house. It's amazing. So make style easy.

But it's a great way to kind of keep your closet clean. current. Okay. You always get it. And it's nice to get a little package every once in a while and be like, Ooh, some new clothes, you know, and someone's working for you. They know your style, what you like to wear, which brands you like, and they'll send stuff to your house. It's amazing. So make style easy.

Get started today at stitch fix.com slash basement. That is stitch fix.com slash basement, but they will send you all that stuff. Okay. And they'll make sure that you're looking good. Um, speaking of looking good, we also have skims. Okay. Skims. You know, I know a lot of people think this is just women's underwear, but no.

Get started today at stitch fix.com slash basement. That is stitch fix.com slash basement, but they will send you all that stuff. Okay. And they'll make sure that you're looking good. Um, speaking of looking good, we also have skims. Okay. Skims. You know, I know a lot of people think this is just women's underwear, but no.

They have Skims men's, and this is some of the most comfortable underwear I've ever put on my body, okay? They have... When it first came out, I was like, damn, it's just for women. It looks very comfortable on their skin. I wish that I could have some of that, but that's the way the cookie crumbles. But now they have Skims men's. They have awesome underwear, and they're amazing, okay?

They have Skims men's, and this is some of the most comfortable underwear I've ever put on my body, okay? They have... When it first came out, I was like, damn, it's just for women. It looks very comfortable on their skin. I wish that I could have some of that, but that's the way the cookie crumbles. But now they have Skims men's. They have awesome underwear, and they're amazing, okay?

Five days ago.

Five days ago.

My first impression, I put them on, very soft...

My first impression, I put them on, very soft...

perfect amount of tight okay if you want it too tight sometimes you get underwear that's too tight and you're like okay this is too crazy now I feel like I can't breathe in this thing but it's a perfect amount of tight it keeps everything where it needs to be and it's like breathable so it's not like a sweat factory down there if you know what I'm talking about and fellas I know you do

perfect amount of tight okay if you want it too tight sometimes you get underwear that's too tight and you're like okay this is too crazy now I feel like I can't breathe in this thing but it's a perfect amount of tight it keeps everything where it needs to be and it's like breathable so it's not like a sweat factory down there if you know what I'm talking about and fellas I know you do

So Skims, they have awesome boxer briefs. They have a stretch brief. They have a bunch of different things. Go check them out. Shop Skims men's and more at Skims.com. They also have a flagship store on 5th Ave. So you can go check that out if you're in the New York area. but they are the official underwear partner of the NBA, WNBA, and USA basketball.

So Skims, they have awesome boxer briefs. They have a stretch brief. They have a bunch of different things. Go check them out. Shop Skims men's and more at Skims.com. They also have a flagship store on 5th Ave. So you can go check that out if you're in the New York area. but they are the official underwear partner of the NBA, WNBA, and USA basketball.

Right.

Right.

So when you go to Skims and you buy some stuff, let them know that we sent you. After you place your order, select podcast in the survey, and then select our show in the drop-down menu that follows. So go get that. Men, women, whoever, Skims.com. Get yourself some underwear. Let them know we sent you.

So when you go to Skims and you buy some stuff, let them know that we sent you. After you place your order, select podcast in the survey, and then select our show in the drop-down menu that follows. So go get that. Men, women, whoever, Skims.com. Get yourself some underwear. Let them know we sent you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Bro, I've done a number on this. I'm at just below two. Holy shit, this is 1.5 liters? Yeah, I'm not finishing this.

Bro, I've done a number on this. I'm at just below two. Holy shit, this is 1.5 liters? Yeah, I'm not finishing this.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever.

Why are they yelling? There's so much yelling going on.

Why are they yelling? There's so much yelling going on.

Not my dogs.

Not my dogs.

No, I fixed it. You fixed it? That's crazy. He just said my dog's pants was hot. Hot spot, baby. No, I know what you meant. Hot spot. I know what you said.

No, I fixed it. You fixed it? That's crazy. He just said my dog's pants was hot. Hot spot, baby. No, I know what you meant. Hot spot. I know what you said.

No, I haven't, but they have elephant sanctuaries out there, and I would love to pet an elephant.

No, I haven't, but they have elephant sanctuaries out there, and I would love to pet an elephant.

I would ride it. I would, but I feel like not if they're mean to the elephants.

I would ride it. I would, but I feel like not if they're mean to the elephants.

Horsepower. Oh, I felt horsepower. You ever get in a Mustang? Yeah, I felt it.

Horsepower. Oh, I felt horsepower. You ever get in a Mustang? Yeah, I felt it.

No.

No.

Yeah. I mean, goldfish are a gateway fish to gayness. Let's be honest. Are they?

Yeah. I mean, goldfish are a gateway fish to gayness. Let's be honest. Are they?

Wait, is it?

Wait, is it?

Was it? Did it eat? Dude, that looks like it ate a fat man.

Was it? Did it eat? Dude, that looks like it ate a fat man.

There's no way that's real.

There's no way that's real.

I can't, I'm not, I'm not ready to speak words yet because of how, what the fuck that's a big bitch. If, if there are things in the world that exists like that, dude, we don't have a big enough military then. Oh, we, we definitely imagine. I mean, we do, we do spend a lot of, you know, it's crazy. We have a big military. Yeah, we haven't. Yeah, but I don't trust them. I trust the military.

I can't, I'm not, I'm not ready to speak words yet because of how, what the fuck that's a big bitch. If, if there are things in the world that exists like that, dude, we don't have a big enough military then. Oh, we, we definitely imagine. I mean, we do, we do spend a lot of, you know, it's crazy. We have a big military. Yeah, we haven't. Yeah, but I don't trust them. I trust the military.

I don't trust the people who control the military is what I wanted to say. Um,

I don't trust the people who control the military is what I wanted to say. Um,

we're on an episode this has become keep drinking um dude what would you do if you came in and that was just like hanging from here a giant there's nothing you could do you would be spider you'd be dead fuck how much did i drink already um yeah no i'm not excited about that at all i mean if i saw a snake i'm not like afraid of snakes but anything that big i'm afraid of anything that big you're afraid of elephants

we're on an episode this has become keep drinking um dude what would you do if you came in and that was just like hanging from here a giant there's nothing you could do you would be spider you'd be dead fuck how much did i drink already um yeah no i'm not excited about that at all i mean if i saw a snake i'm not like afraid of snakes but anything that big i'm afraid of anything that big you're afraid of elephants

See, I'm when it comes to animals like that, I'm in the same way. I'm like. We're dumb in different ways. Who's we? Me and you. Oh, we're dumb in different ways. No, no. So like you think you could like beat animals up. I think. Well, actually, no, this is similar because with you and gorillas where you're like, oh, I'll kind of like whatever. I think that.

See, I'm when it comes to animals like that, I'm in the same way. I'm like. We're dumb in different ways. Who's we? Me and you. Oh, we're dumb in different ways. No, no. So like you think you could like beat animals up. I think. Well, actually, no, this is similar because with you and gorillas where you're like, oh, I'll kind of like whatever. I think that.

I have something in me that when animals see me, they know that like, I'm their bowl. You're not a threat. And not that I'm not even a threat that I'm just like, that I get them. Like they see me and they're like, Oh, like a doctor do. I'm dead ass. I think this.

I have something in me that when animals see me, they know that like, I'm their bowl. You're not a threat. And not that I'm not even a threat that I'm just like, that I get them. Like they see me and they're like, Oh, like a doctor do. I'm dead ass. I think this.

When I am walking on the street and I see a dog and we make eye contact, I really think that they see me and they in their mind, they're like, oh, yeah, no, that's a good that's good. Like, I think that they understand. Like a dog barking or whatever, I feel like I would walk up to it and it would stop barking. You're like Cesar Millan, basically, is what you're saying.

When I am walking on the street and I see a dog and we make eye contact, I really think that they see me and they in their mind, they're like, oh, yeah, no, that's a good that's good. Like, I think that they understand. Like a dog barking or whatever, I feel like I would walk up to it and it would stop barking. You're like Cesar Millan, basically, is what you're saying.

What I am is fucking stupid. Yeah, we know that. That's the thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I feel like that. But I would say giant snakes I don't feel that way with. I don't think. Elephants. An angry elephant who's doing the thing. What? If I walked up to them and I just felt like I could calm it. You've got to get on the side of them. You'd put your hand under here. You'd do that.

What I am is fucking stupid. Yeah, we know that. That's the thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I feel like that. But I would say giant snakes I don't feel that way with. I don't think. Elephants. An angry elephant who's doing the thing. What? If I walked up to them and I just felt like I could calm it. You've got to get on the side of them. You'd put your hand under here. You'd do that.

I'd look into his eye and I'd be like, it's okay, big fella. And it would chill. Gotcha. And I don't know if that's real, but I feel that in my heart. Big fella. I don't know if I would use that language.

I'd look into his eye and I'd be like, it's okay, big fella. And it would chill. Gotcha. And I don't know if that's real, but I feel that in my heart. Big fella. I don't know if I would use that language.

I don't know that I've seen an elephant vagina in my day, but.

I don't know that I've seen an elephant vagina in my day, but.

Yeah, exactly. I watched a video of a rhino taking a dump the other day.

Yeah, exactly. I watched a video of a rhino taking a dump the other day.

I'll see you guys later. I'll tell you this. They produce a lot of dump. A lot. A good a lot.

I'll see you guys later. I'll tell you this. They produce a lot of dump. A lot. A good a lot.

Also, like, you know, hippos don't even need tails.

Also, like, you know, hippos don't even need tails.

What's the point of this?

What's the point of this?

Get rid of it.

Get rid of it.

Yeah. Just to have it? Or, like, if it was big enough that I could, like, pick stuff up? Go to that first picture, babe.

Yeah. Just to have it? Or, like, if it was big enough that I could, like, pick stuff up? Go to that first picture, babe.

Like, I wish I had it. What?

Like, I wish I had it. What?

Don't. Don't click on that.

Don't. Don't click on that.

Bro, I'm talking about animals. You're talking about snacks? Well, I started with goldfish. I thought you were talking about the rainbow fish in the book with the scale that's holographic.

Bro, I'm talking about animals. You're talking about snacks? Well, I started with goldfish. I thought you were talking about the rainbow fish in the book with the scale that's holographic.

That does.

That does.

Oh, yeah, they did the Blue Origin.

Oh, yeah, they did the Blue Origin.

Before we get into Katy Perry, do you think that's real or is it fake?

Before we get into Katy Perry, do you think that's real or is it fake?

I mean, are you in space or are you like in the atmosphere?

I mean, are you in space or are you like in the atmosphere?

First of all, I'm with you. No. No, no, no. Not doing it. But like the idea that I could be above the earth looking at it and then also look into space for a second is so crazy. I can't even imagine – I almost feel like it can't be real because if that was me and I went into space and I saw the earth in front of me and then I saw space behind me and I landed back on earth.

First of all, I'm with you. No. No, no, no. Not doing it. But like the idea that I could be above the earth looking at it and then also look into space for a second is so crazy. I can't even imagine – I almost feel like it can't be real because if that was me and I went into space and I saw the earth in front of me and then I saw space behind me and I landed back on earth.

I would be like so different.

I would be like so different.

I know. No, how do you get down and you hold up a flower and you promote your album? I'd be like, bro, I'm not me anymore.

I know. No, how do you get down and you hold up a flower and you promote your album? I'd be like, bro, I'm not me anymore.

Dude, if I go and I see this thing and I – You'd be doing the Jim Carrey thing. You ever see his interviews where he's like, I'm not me. I'm a fictional character of – Bro, I would lose my mind because the idea of seeing –

Dude, if I go and I see this thing and I – You'd be doing the Jim Carrey thing. You ever see his interviews where he's like, I'm not me. I'm a fictional character of – Bro, I would lose my mind because the idea of seeing –

Can't we see the sun? We see it from here, babe. That's not what I mean. I mean, like, if you're in space, if you look at the sun, what does it look like? The sun. But, like, so you can't look at the sun, though, is my point.

Can't we see the sun? We see it from here, babe. That's not what I mean. I mean, like, if you're in space, if you look at the sun, what does it look like? The sun. But, like, so you can't look at the sun, though, is my point.

The sun is... It's crazy. It's big. Big, brother. Bro, also the sun. is really the father. Really, if it decides, I'm not going to work today, we're all dead.

The sun is... It's crazy. It's big. Big, brother. Bro, also the sun. is really the father. Really, if it decides, I'm not going to work today, we're all dead.

I would say 150 million Earths. Yeah, it's a lot. I would say...

I would say 150 million Earths. Yeah, it's a lot. I would say...

That's a big burning star.

That's a big burning star.

How is it burning still? It's been so long.

How is it burning still? It's been so long.

How is the sun in space burning so hot that it warms the earth? Yeah. But as we know it, fire needs oxygen. Without oxygen, there can't be fire. But in space, there's no oxygen.

How is the sun in space burning so hot that it warms the earth? Yeah. But as we know it, fire needs oxygen. Without oxygen, there can't be fire. But in space, there's no oxygen.

Like a real incel? You think that, first of all, you are not going to pass combos over to the incel community.

Like a real incel? You think that, first of all, you are not going to pass combos over to the incel community.

How is that happening that the sun is like- Well, hydrogen is important.

How is that happening that the sun is like- Well, hydrogen is important.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it's like.

And it's like.

With no sun.

With no sun.

No? Just in complete darkness?

No? Just in complete darkness?

Correct, yes. Okay. For the audio listeners, you have no idea what's going on. No, no, no. It's our 500th episode. Also, for the audio listeners, you can't see this. Yeah, there's big eyes. But Frankie's dream has come to fruition. We have two big fat beer towers.

Correct, yes. Okay. For the audio listeners, you have no idea what's going on. No, no, no. It's our 500th episode. Also, for the audio listeners, you can't see this. Yeah, there's big eyes. But Frankie's dream has come to fruition. We have two big fat beer towers.

Yeah, but we have a bunch of cans.

Yeah, but we have a bunch of cans.

Maybe we shouldn't talk about the end of the earth apocalypse because I don't want to go there. I'm having a good day.

Maybe we shouldn't talk about the end of the earth apocalypse because I don't want to go there. I'm having a good day.

Because Kesha went to Wendy's and was like, ha, ha, ha, and she posted a picture. Wait, what?

Because Kesha went to Wendy's and was like, ha, ha, ha, and she posted a picture. Wait, what?

I'm not familiar. I know that Kesha... Something happened to Kesha. Something not cool. I don't know if that has something to do with this. I have no idea. I honestly don't know. All I know is that people are like, ooh, Kesha's shading fucking Katy Perry.

I'm not familiar. I know that Kesha... Something happened to Kesha. Something not cool. I don't know if that has something to do with this. I have no idea. I honestly don't know. All I know is that people are like, ooh, Kesha's shading fucking Katy Perry.

Does it?

Does it?

It's like tone deaf. I heard that Katy Perry was like, I recommend this to everyone. And it's like, bro, we can't afford to do that. What the fuck are you talking about? That we can go do that. It was like her, Gayle King, and other people. Oh, I saw the video of them walking on, and Gayle did not look happy.

It's like tone deaf. I heard that Katy Perry was like, I recommend this to everyone. And it's like, bro, we can't afford to do that. What the fuck are you talking about? That we can go do that. It was like her, Gayle King, and other people. Oh, I saw the video of them walking on, and Gayle did not look happy.

Me neither. I'd be shaking.

Me neither. I'd be shaking.

Yeah, dude. She's a giant follower.

Yeah, dude. She's a giant follower.

I don't know. I'm not the demo, so I don't really know.

I don't know. I'm not the demo, so I don't really know.

Here's what I'll say. I don't know. If there's a reason to hate Katy Perry, that'd be fun. I love hating people. What? Right? But... I think if there isn't a legitimate reason to hate Katy Perry, right? And she got back from space and Wendy's was just like, send that bitch back. That's fucking hilarious. It is. And if I'm Katy Perry, bro. Bro, if I'm Katy Perry, I'm beefing.

Here's what I'll say. I don't know. If there's a reason to hate Katy Perry, that'd be fun. I love hating people. What? Right? But... I think if there isn't a legitimate reason to hate Katy Perry, right? And she got back from space and Wendy's was just like, send that bitch back. That's fucking hilarious. It is. And if I'm Katy Perry, bro. Bro, if I'm Katy Perry, I'm beefing.

I'm going on Twitter and be like, suck my dick. Bro, I'm beefing with Wendy's so bad. If there's nothing. If there's nothing is what I'm saying. If Wendy's just like...

I'm going on Twitter and be like, suck my dick. Bro, I'm beefing with Wendy's so bad. If there's nothing. If there's nothing is what I'm saying. If Wendy's just like...

We don't know? But why from Wendy's? I'm trying to put myself in Katy Perry's shoes. If I went to space and came back and it was such a crazy moment for me, and then Wendy's was like, yo, send his ass back. I'd be like, suck my dick, Wendy's? Like, what the fuck did I do to you?

We don't know? But why from Wendy's? I'm trying to put myself in Katy Perry's shoes. If I went to space and came back and it was such a crazy moment for me, and then Wendy's was like, yo, send his ass back. I'd be like, suck my dick, Wendy's? Like, what the fuck did I do to you?

It's like picking a favorite child here.

It's like picking a favorite child here.

That's how I got my start. Oh, with Taco Bell? Yeah, I've seen people reenact our interaction. It would be nuts.

That's how I got my start. Oh, with Taco Bell? Yeah, I've seen people reenact our interaction. It would be nuts.

That was like 2010.

That was like 2010.

Which is crazy. I was hyped that a verified account even replied to me.

Which is crazy. I was hyped that a verified account even replied to me.

Speaking of brands. We do have more sponsors that I would have forgot about. But listen, Mother's Day is coming up. You know what that means? I have the greatest gift in the world for your mother, okay? And that's Aura Frames. Aura Frames was named the best digital photo frame by Wirecutter. It's easy to see why, okay?

Speaking of brands. We do have more sponsors that I would have forgot about. But listen, Mother's Day is coming up. You know what that means? I have the greatest gift in the world for your mother, okay? And that's Aura Frames. Aura Frames was named the best digital photo frame by Wirecutter. It's easy to see why, okay?

This is a great thing to get for your mother, especially if you're out of the house. Maybe you don't see your mom as much as she would like you to. There's unlimited storage. You can add as many photos, videos, and memes or whatever you want to this frame, and your mother can just watch your life. I gave my mom an Aura frame, and me and all my siblings, we upload pictures of... our lives.

This is a great thing to get for your mother, especially if you're out of the house. Maybe you don't see your mom as much as she would like you to. There's unlimited storage. You can add as many photos, videos, and memes or whatever you want to this frame, and your mother can just watch your life. I gave my mom an Aura frame, and me and all my siblings, we upload pictures of... our lives.

If I go on a trip or like pictures of my dog and stuff or pictures of me and my siblings do the same with their children and whatever they're doing, we upload it to this thing. And my mom just has this rotating picture frame that has pictures of us, the kids or whatever, and videos and stuff like that. So it's a really cool thing.

If I go on a trip or like pictures of my dog and stuff or pictures of me and my siblings do the same with their children and whatever they're doing, we upload it to this thing. And my mom just has this rotating picture frame that has pictures of us, the kids or whatever, and videos and stuff like that. So it's a really cool thing.

Um, especially for mothers and because mother's day is coming up, I think this is like what you should get honestly. But it's awesome. And they have a great deal for Mother's Day for a limited time. Listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35 off plus free shipping on their best-selling Carver Matte Frame. That's AuraFrames, spelled A-U-R-A, frames.com.

Um, especially for mothers and because mother's day is coming up, I think this is like what you should get honestly. But it's awesome. And they have a great deal for Mother's Day for a limited time. Listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35 off plus free shipping on their best-selling Carver Matte Frame. That's AuraFrames, spelled A-U-R-A, frames.com.

The promo code is BASEMENT. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. But, yeah, go get that Aura Frame, man. I think that's a great gift for anybody, even if it's not for your mother but for anyone. I think this is an awesome gift. You can upload all these things to it. It's really cool. So check it out. Horrorframes.com. Use that code basement.

The promo code is BASEMENT. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. But, yeah, go get that Aura Frame, man. I think that's a great gift for anybody, even if it's not for your mother but for anyone. I think this is an awesome gift. You can upload all these things to it. It's really cool. So check it out. Horrorframes.com. Use that code basement.

And lastly here, we have Stamps.com. It handles all your mailing and shipping needs whenever, whenever. I just said whenever twice. Whenever, wherever. You can seamlessly connect with every major market and shopping cart if you sell products online. You have access to all the USPS and UPS services that you need. and also rates that you won't get anywhere else.

And lastly here, we have Stamps.com. It handles all your mailing and shipping needs whenever, whenever. I just said whenever twice. Whenever, wherever. You can seamlessly connect with every major market and shopping cart if you sell products online. You have access to all the USPS and UPS services that you need. and also rates that you won't get anywhere else.

So you get up to 88% off USPS and UPS rates. That's amazing. No more tedious postage math. They have a rate advisor that helps you calculate the best shipping rates fast. So everything that you need that you could get at the post office, it saves you the trip there. You don't have to wait in any lines or go find parking or any of that. You can do it from the comfort of your own home.

So you get up to 88% off USPS and UPS rates. That's amazing. No more tedious postage math. They have a rate advisor that helps you calculate the best shipping rates fast. So everything that you need that you could get at the post office, it saves you the trip there. You don't have to wait in any lines or go find parking or any of that. You can do it from the comfort of your own home.

You can do it at 3 a.m. in your underwear if you want. Whatever you're into, you can do it then. So go to stamps.com. You can get a four-week trial, free postage, and a digital scale at stamps.com slash basement. So, yeah, thank you for them to sponsoring the show. But you get a four-week trial, free postage, digital scale, also no long-term contracts or commitments or anything like that.

You can do it at 3 a.m. in your underwear if you want. Whatever you're into, you can do it then. So go to stamps.com. You can get a four-week trial, free postage, and a digital scale at stamps.com slash basement. So, yeah, thank you for them to sponsoring the show. But you get a four-week trial, free postage, digital scale, also no long-term contracts or commitments or anything like that.

Just go to stamps.com and use the code basement for that special offer. Okay? Boom. Boom. Boom.

Just go to stamps.com and use the code basement for that special offer. Okay? Boom. Boom. Boom.

I feel like that, too. I feel like if I didn't want to have sex with women, then I would probably love it.

I feel like that, too. I feel like if I didn't want to have sex with women, then I would probably love it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Every day. Get them. Um, there was a, there was a tweet that I saw and it was a dude and like, I mean, obviously it's the internet. So who knows if this is like real, but it was a dude's, uh, Like, Tinder profile. Starts it off with trigger warning.

Yeah. Every day. Get them. Um, there was a, there was a tweet that I saw and it was a dude and like, I mean, obviously it's the internet. So who knows if this is like real, but it was a dude's, uh, Like, Tinder profile. Starts it off with trigger warning.

If you write your own trigger warning to, like, your bio or, like, oh, I might say something offensive. Or if it's, like, me and my boy, if we started a podcast, we get canceled immediately. Canceled immediately. Yeah. Yo, you guys are sick, dude. Just say you're racist. It says, let me guess, you're 25 with three kids. This is how he's starting off. Wait, who's he saying this to?

If you write your own trigger warning to, like, your bio or, like, oh, I might say something offensive. Or if it's, like, me and my boy, if we started a podcast, we get canceled immediately. Canceled immediately. Yeah. Yo, you guys are sick, dude. Just say you're racist. It says, let me guess, you're 25 with three kids. This is how he's starting off. Wait, who's he saying this to?

This is a random person. Oh, this is his bio?

This is a random person. Oh, this is his bio?

And you've done had your fun. Now you don't want that. You want a real man to settle down with and take care of you and your kids because you let a loser nut inside you. Jesus Christ. Then the ultimate, I'm six foot even. We're starting off with the height. That's what you guys do. I mean, when you start off with your height or if your height is in your bio, then your dick is tiny. Tiny.

And you've done had your fun. Now you don't want that. You want a real man to settle down with and take care of you and your kids because you let a loser nut inside you. Jesus Christ. Then the ultimate, I'm six foot even. We're starting off with the height. That's what you guys do. I mean, when you start off with your height or if your height is in your bio, then your dick is tiny. Tiny.

I'm six foot even, have my own house, two vehicles. Vehicles.

I'm six foot even, have my own house, two vehicles. Vehicles.

And I make over 75K a year. Whoa.

And I make over 75K a year. Whoa.

To put it on here, like it's like, yeah.

To put it on here, like it's like, yeah.

What do you bring to the table? If the answer is someone else's kids, then go kick rocks. No man will ever want you. Stop saying you're thick. You're obese. Also, you're not a dog mom. You're a pet owner. Jesus Christ.

What do you bring to the table? If the answer is someone else's kids, then go kick rocks. No man will ever want you. Stop saying you're thick. You're obese. Also, you're not a dog mom. You're a pet owner. Jesus Christ.

No.

No.

We got down to the bottom here. This is kind of insane. No, I wouldn't say that. But what do you know? I'm definitely beating you. My thing is, like, I don't understand why there's men on the Internet thinking like if your objective is to attract women. Why is the thought process like, I'm going to insult them first?

We got down to the bottom here. This is kind of insane. No, I wouldn't say that. But what do you know? I'm definitely beating you. My thing is, like, I don't understand why there's men on the Internet thinking like if your objective is to attract women. Why is the thought process like, I'm going to insult them first?

Are you kidding me? It's my dream to get fucking stunnered.

Are you kidding me? It's my dream to get fucking stunnered.

I would love to make that happen.

I would love to make that happen.

But like, I understand that my, my, what I'm saying is like, it's interesting for me to see guys thinking that in order to make myself look desirable and I have to be mean or have to say negative things about women. And like, this is what I bring to the table. So and you don't write. It's not necessarily about making yourself be like, OK, if you want to be successful, you want to be in shape.

But like, I understand that my, my, what I'm saying is like, it's interesting for me to see guys thinking that in order to make myself look desirable and I have to be mean or have to say negative things about women. And like, this is what I bring to the table. So and you don't write. It's not necessarily about making yourself be like, OK, if you want to be successful, you want to be in shape.

You want to do all those things. That's great. That's a great thing. You don't need to then put down women at the same time because that hurts your chances at being attractive. I don't get the idea that you're like... Yeah, because you're not an idiot.

You want to do all those things. That's great. That's a great thing. You don't need to then put down women at the same time because that hurts your chances at being attractive. I don't get the idea that you're like... Yeah, because you're not an idiot.

Well, no, that's not what I was going to say. I do do that sometimes, especially with Oreos. You scrape. I can scrape an Oreo clean, dude.

Well, no, that's not what I was going to say. I do do that sometimes, especially with Oreos. You scrape. I can scrape an Oreo clean, dude.

I'm just saying I think that if the objective is to be, like, a high-value man, the value – like – Oh, my God. Hold on. So listen, right?

I'm just saying I think that if the objective is to be, like, a high-value man, the value – like – Oh, my God. Hold on. So listen, right?

Those are Michelob's. Potatoes. We're on a golf course.

Those are Michelob's. Potatoes. We're on a golf course.

Yeah. Did you expense those?

Yeah. Did you expense those?

Oh, yeah. I'm saying like. If the objective is to be attractive to women, right? And even the term high-value man. I hate that shit so much. Same. But who determines the value? I think if you're talking about the dating market, the person who makes the value is the opposite person. You know what I mean? Like you're only a high-value man if women see you as a high-value man.

Oh, yeah. I'm saying like. If the objective is to be attractive to women, right? And even the term high-value man. I hate that shit so much. Same. But who determines the value? I think if you're talking about the dating market, the person who makes the value is the opposite person. You know what I mean? Like you're only a high-value man if women see you as a high-value man.

But the little crackers, the Ritz crackers with the cheese, I'll like put the whole thing in my mouth and then kind of open it, eat the one side of the cracker, bullshit. You know, I get what you're saying. You know what I like to do? I haven't even gotten to the meat and potatoes of what I'm saying here. Go ahead. I'm sorry. You're right. I get it down. Now I just have cracker and then cheese.

But the little crackers, the Ritz crackers with the cheese, I'll like put the whole thing in my mouth and then kind of open it, eat the one side of the cracker, bullshit. You know, I get what you're saying. You know what I like to do? I haven't even gotten to the meat and potatoes of what I'm saying here. Go ahead. I'm sorry. You're right. I get it down. Now I just have cracker and then cheese.

No, but that's my point. Like I'm saying, the term high-value man, like who determines the value? It makes more sense to me to be like, well, you're a high-value man because a lot of women want you, not because a lot of dudes want you. Like, if you're a straight guy— Unless you're gay, and that's cool. Well, yeah, no, that's not what I'm talking about, though.

No, but that's my point. Like I'm saying, the term high-value man, like who determines the value? It makes more sense to me to be like, well, you're a high-value man because a lot of women want you, not because a lot of dudes want you. Like, if you're a straight guy— Unless you're gay, and that's cool. Well, yeah, no, that's not what I'm talking about, though.

But, like, if you're a straight guy, if you're a high-value man, that means that women are determining the value because those are the people that are choosing. You know what I mean? Supply and demand, baby. I completely get it. So, like, you're saying you want to be a high-value man—

But, like, if you're a straight guy, if you're a high-value man, that means that women are determining the value because those are the people that are choosing. You know what I mean? Supply and demand, baby. I completely get it. So, like, you're saying you want to be a high-value man—

because other men think that you're high value or something like you're trying to prove a point to other men like that doesn't but that doesn't like you're you're isolating this is what this is I know that I'm not like confused I'm just like talking but you are confused and I'm not confused you're stupid

because other men think that you're high value or something like you're trying to prove a point to other men like that doesn't but that doesn't like you're you're isolating this is what this is I know that I'm not like confused I'm just like talking but you are confused and I'm not confused you're stupid

Now, yeah, now. I was getting to a point.

Now, yeah, now. I was getting to a point.

Can someone explain how these things always are bubbling? What is carbonation? Carbonation is gas CO2 Yeah It's carbon dioxide Is it CO2? I think so I think so Yeah They pump into it But there's always bubbles You ever have a glass of champagne And there's one It's like one bubble It's getting like bigger And it just goes one line straight up Oh, yeah. What the fuck is that? How is that a thing?

Can someone explain how these things always are bubbling? What is carbonation? Carbonation is gas CO2 Yeah It's carbon dioxide Is it CO2? I think so I think so Yeah They pump into it But there's always bubbles You ever have a glass of champagne And there's one It's like one bubble It's getting like bigger And it just goes one line straight up Oh, yeah. What the fuck is that? How is that a thing?

And then I take the cheese and I try to get it off of the cracker. And then I take the cheese and I rub it on the top of my mouth with my tongue. And then it just like gets all dusty on the top of my mouth. And then I eat it. Anybody else do that?

And then I take the cheese and I try to get it off of the cracker. And then I take the cheese and I rub it on the top of my mouth with my tongue. And then it just like gets all dusty on the top of my mouth. And then I eat it. Anybody else do that?

Because your parents aren't listening.

Because your parents aren't listening.

Four.

Four.

Four days a week.

Four days a week.

Let me ask you another question. So I'll ask you two. Then I'll get to you because I know your answer is double. If you're going out... Let's say we're – Set the scene.

Let me ask you another question. So I'll ask you two. Then I'll get to you because I know your answer is double. If you're going out... Let's say we're – Set the scene.

I'm not going to say – let's say that like Becca and the kids are like –

I'm not going to say – let's say that like Becca and the kids are like –

somewhere else they went on a vacation somewhere and you're not there without me okay things okay at home i'm trying to i'm trying to set a scene where it's like you don't have like responsibilities to go back to or anything like that i can come out with me and i have no responsibilities oh that's not what i'm saying my my you'll you'll see what i'm saying if you if you don't have like that whole thing and it's like okay you're gonna you're where me and you are gonna go out and get after it um

somewhere else they went on a vacation somewhere and you're not there without me okay things okay at home i'm trying to i'm trying to set a scene where it's like you don't have like responsibilities to go back to or anything like that i can come out with me and i have no responsibilities oh that's not what i'm saying my my you'll you'll see what i'm saying if you if you don't have like that whole thing and it's like okay you're gonna you're where me and you are gonna go out and get after it um

I guess how many drinks do you think that you would usually have on a night out like that?

I guess how many drinks do you think that you would usually have on a night out like that?

Um, okay. So it's like a dinner and then we'll go to a cocktail bar after maybe like three, maybe three.

Um, okay. So it's like a dinner and then we'll go to a cocktail bar after maybe like three, maybe three.

It's not 2011. It's today. Okay.

It's not 2011. It's today. Okay.

How many would you say?

How many would you say?

Yeah, like you can't... Whoever's drinking the most out of the group.

Yeah, like you can't... Whoever's drinking the most out of the group.

So if we go out... So dinner and cocktails, we're talking about... Let's say dinner's at 7.30. And then we go out for cocktails and we're done by like 11. Okay, so that's three and a half hours. Yeah. Like I drink an hour? Yeah, I would say.

So if we go out... So dinner and cocktails, we're talking about... Let's say dinner's at 7.30. And then we go out for cocktails and we're done by like 11. Okay, so that's three and a half hours. Yeah. Like I drink an hour? Yeah, I would say.

No, because I don't know. I was just curious.

No, because I don't know. I was just curious.

I think that when I go out with my friends, if we're going out, if I go out at like 7 o'clock, I'll usually have like five.

I think that when I go out with my friends, if we're going out, if I go out at like 7 o'clock, I'll usually have like five.

I could do one.

I could do one.

I feel like back then you were like, I don't want to say worse and make it like that, but you could drink a lot of beer.

I feel like back then you were like, I don't want to say worse and make it like that, but you could drink a lot of beer.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's kind of crazy.

It's kind of crazy.

Yeah, dude, I, bro, we have, if I go out and it's just dinner, it's a little date night.

Yeah, dude, I, bro, we have, if I go out and it's just dinner, it's a little date night.

Two. Yeah. Something like that. One or two. I don't see my friends that often. So like maybe like. I don't know, like every other weekend on average, maybe something like that. But there's like times where I don't I don't see my friends for like a month or something like that. But if I'm going out like it's usually like five or six drinks.

Two. Yeah. Something like that. One or two. I don't see my friends that often. So like maybe like. I don't know, like every other weekend on average, maybe something like that. But there's like times where I don't I don't see my friends for like a month or something like that. But if I'm going out like it's usually like five or six drinks.

Yep. Yeah, I do.

Yep. Yeah, I do.

Well, that's what I'm saying. If you're like, oh, we're going to this thing at noon, that's a mistake. My issue... Is burpee. No, no, no. You're a burpee boy. Well, I am. Well, you're... Sorry, you're a... Yeah. Cause I have that thing. I have a disease. People told me I have a disease. You do. It's called like something. R or PD or, or you have, you have PDD. No, I don't have PDD.

Well, that's what I'm saying. If you're like, oh, we're going to this thing at noon, that's a mistake. My issue... Is burpee. No, no, no. You're a burpee boy. Well, I am. Well, you're... Sorry, you're a... Yeah. Cause I have that thing. I have a disease. People told me I have a disease. You do. It's called like something. R or PD or, or you have, you have PDD. No, I don't have PDD.

You don't take the cheese and like.

You don't take the cheese and like.

It's R it's C3PO or R2D2. R2D2 DD. But it's, it's something where it's like, you can't burp. So it doesn't. There you go. Oh, hiccups.

It's R it's C3PO or R2D2. R2D2 DD. But it's, it's something where it's like, you can't burp. So it doesn't. There you go. Oh, hiccups.

Everyone's got fucking college degrees over here. Degrees now. College dungarees.

Everyone's got fucking college degrees over here. Degrees now. College dungarees.

I swear to God.

I swear to God.

I got the C3PO. That's it. When I was talking about it on the show, someone messaged me and was like, this is what it is. I have it too. And then I started getting fed a bunch of TikToks about it. And I was like, this is me. I don't care. So I'm just...

I got the C3PO. That's it. When I was talking about it on the show, someone messaged me and was like, this is what it is. I have it too. And then I started getting fed a bunch of TikToks about it. And I was like, this is me. I don't care. So I'm just...

Yeah, 12 years ago? Yes, absolutely.

Yeah, 12 years ago? Yes, absolutely.

Yeah. Do you think that we'll get to a point in life where it's like drinking is like cigarettes to us?

Yeah. Do you think that we'll get to a point in life where it's like drinking is like cigarettes to us?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

Right.

I think people are not drinking because of hangovers. I think they're not drinking because it's not good.

I think people are not drinking because of hangovers. I think they're not drinking because it's not good.

They absolutely have them already It's called drugs my guy So that's what that is But yeah I mean we got so close Well Some of us got closer Some of us Are you closer than me?

They absolutely have them already It's called drugs my guy So that's what that is But yeah I mean we got so close Well Some of us got closer Some of us Are you closer than me?

But yeah, 500th episode.

But yeah, 500th episode.

No. You would do something like that. It would. It would do it. That would be the Piggy Boys. Like, we're doing Vodka Towers. Like, bro, you guys are crazy. Yeah, you guys are sickos.

No. You would do something like that. It would. It would do it. That would be the Piggy Boys. Like, we're doing Vodka Towers. Like, bro, you guys are crazy. Yeah, you guys are sickos.

Just want to say 500 episodes of The Basement Yard. Very crazy. I can say as, you know, when I started the podcast, I thought of it as a thing that was very supplementary to what I was doing at the time. And just being like... This is cool. It was the first time I heard myself on a microphone. It sounds really cool to hear your voice in headphones and through a microphone or whatever.

Just want to say 500 episodes of The Basement Yard. Very crazy. I can say as, you know, when I started the podcast, I thought of it as a thing that was very supplementary to what I was doing at the time. And just being like... This is cool. It was the first time I heard myself on a microphone. It sounds really cool to hear your voice in headphones and through a microphone or whatever.

We abandoned the headphones, but I was like, oh, wow, this feels very professional or whatever, and it was cool to me, but it never felt like the thing, and now it's just brought so much to my life, so I appreciate it. 500 episodes of this show, and... It's really cool. I'm really proud of it. I'm glad that you're here doing the thing with me, too. Ant, also happy that you're here.

We abandoned the headphones, but I was like, oh, wow, this feels very professional or whatever, and it was cool to me, but it never felt like the thing, and now it's just brought so much to my life, so I appreciate it. 500 episodes of this show, and... It's really cool. I'm really proud of it. I'm glad that you're here doing the thing with me, too. Ant, also happy that you're here.

You thought I was going to say something negative? I thought you were going to say... No, no, no. I'm happy Ant's here, too.

You thought I was going to say something negative? I thought you were going to say... No, no, no. I'm happy Ant's here, too.

Some people hate the addition of you. I'll say that.

Some people hate the addition of you. I'll say that.

It's fine.

It's fine.

You're flying high in April.

You're flying high in April.

But I know I'm gonna play that tune. When I'm back on top.

But I know I'm gonna play that tune. When I'm back on top.

I can't deny it. Thank you guys so much for being around for 500 episodes. Hopefully you're around for 500 more at least. A couple more. A couple more at least.

I can't deny it. Thank you guys so much for being around for 500 episodes. Hopefully you're around for 500 more at least. A couple more. A couple more at least.

But not even going to do a regular sign-off, but we appreciate you guys. Thank you so much. Love it. What a ride. Having a great time. Love it. Love it. Fibs and fubs it. See you next time.

But not even going to do a regular sign-off, but we appreciate you guys. Thank you so much. Love it. What a ride. Having a great time. Love it. Love it. Fibs and fubs it. See you next time.

The shells on those?

The shells on those?

It's very, very, very possible.

It's very, very, very possible.

I'm sitting here with Barbara Walters. Thank you for that question. Um, Oh, I thought you were just going to slam, wham, bam. Maybe the next one. What? I like what you got going on here. I'm a big fan of cream and green. The cream and green is good. I don't know what it is lately, but I'm greened out, baby. Bro, me too. Ant was just talking shit. He's like, everything you do is green.

I'm sitting here with Barbara Walters. Thank you for that question. Um, Oh, I thought you were just going to slam, wham, bam. Maybe the next one. What? I like what you got going on here. I'm a big fan of cream and green. The cream and green is good. I don't know what it is lately, but I'm greened out, baby. Bro, me too. Ant was just talking shit. He's like, everything you do is green.

Did we run these through, like, a dishwasher or something?

Did we run these through, like, a dishwasher or something?

Green phone? Bro, I got a green phone, too! Green face? Ooh! Green pants? How's your undies? Whoa, oh, you're green. How are my undies today? How are you?

Green phone? Bro, I got a green phone, too! Green face? Ooh! Green pants? How's your undies? Whoa, oh, you're green. How are my undies today? How are you?

Are they multicolored?

Are they multicolored?

There's no cream in these boxers. Frank showed up to the shoot yesterday. The socks that this man had on. You know, enough.

There's no cream in these boxers. Frank showed up to the shoot yesterday. The socks that this man had on. You know, enough.

For those who wear underwear?

For those who wear underwear?

Yeah.

Yeah.

If you were to wear women's underwear, what kind do you think you would wear? Would you thong? Listen. Or would you wear panties?

If you were to wear women's underwear, what kind do you think you would wear? Would you thong? Listen. Or would you wear panties?

Cheers to us. Clink me. Clink me. Dink me. Throw it in my stink pee. Wow. Oh, man. All right. Michelob Ultra. That's what you bought. I feel like I'm on a golf course right now. Frank's not drinking Michelob Ultra, but...

Cheers to us. Clink me. Clink me. Dink me. Throw it in my stink pee. Wow. Oh, man. All right. Michelob Ultra. That's what you bought. I feel like I'm on a golf course right now. Frank's not drinking Michelob Ultra, but...

So if you were a woman, you wouldn't wear thongs?

So if you were a woman, you wouldn't wear thongs?

You're going granny pants. I'm going underwears, babe. What about, what's that called? Booty shorts or something? I don't know.

You're going granny pants. I'm going underwears, babe. What about, what's that called? Booty shorts or something? I don't know.

Not Spanx.

Not Spanx.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm talking about like, they're like shorts kind of. I'd wear those.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm talking about like, they're like shorts kind of. I'd wear those.

Apparently, everyone's wearing them. It's all the rage these days. It's all the rage. Those kids are wearing the thongs. The kids love the thongs. Ew, that was disgusting. Yeah, disgusting. Here we go. Make sure you edit that. It yells at you, right? Yeah. Look at your hands. Look at your hands. Hang that up. Also, I had a very interesting... I went back to the vet for my dog. Oh, my God.

Apparently, everyone's wearing them. It's all the rage these days. It's all the rage. Those kids are wearing the thongs. The kids love the thongs. Ew, that was disgusting. Yeah, disgusting. Here we go. Make sure you edit that. It yells at you, right? Yeah. Look at your hands. Look at your hands. Hang that up. Also, I had a very interesting... I went back to the vet for my dog. Oh, my God.

Just let this dog die already.

Just let this dog die already.

He's alive and well.

He's alive and well.

You are a heartless pig. That's what you are.

You are a heartless pig. That's what you are.

I guess you can now. Actually, I guess you can nowadays. I don't even know. Nowadays? Where's the connection? Here we go. Jesus, would you fill that with vodka in there?

I guess you can now. Actually, I guess you can nowadays. I don't even know. Nowadays? Where's the connection? Here we go. Jesus, would you fill that with vodka in there?

Welcome back to the basement yard. Perfect. I went back to the vet, and it's because I saw that my dog was, like, licking his penis a lot.

Welcome back to the basement yard. Perfect. I went back to the vet, and it's because I saw that my dog was, like, licking his penis a lot.

Technically, yeah. Okay. Technically, I had to refer to my dog's penis as a hot spot. Yeah. Also, I had to get in there and check it out. You jerked off your dog? That's not how you check it out. So, he was licking his... Hey, giggles!

Technically, yeah. Okay. Technically, I had to refer to my dog's penis as a hot spot. Yeah. Also, I had to get in there and check it out. You jerked off your dog? That's not how you check it out. So, he was licking his... Hey, giggles!

so he was the fuck i when we got back from uh europe i picked up my dog and my mom was like hey he's been licking his penis a lot and i was like maybe he's just like in that kind of mood i don't know i would if i could you know what i mean before huh there's several you would you we would frank if you could i don't know frank what are you even saying anyway i pick up the dog

so he was the fuck i when we got back from uh europe i picked up my dog and my mom was like hey he's been licking his penis a lot and i was like maybe he's just like in that kind of mood i don't know i would if i could you know what i mean before huh there's several you would you we would frank if you could i don't know frank what are you even saying anyway i pick up the dog

You heard giggles again, right? He laughed like this. I pick up the dog, and she's like, he's licking his penis a lot. I'm like, okay. So then I notice him doing it, and I'm in my apartment. So I go over. I'm inspecting this dog's penis, right? And he's looking at me.

You heard giggles again, right? He laughed like this. I pick up the dog, and she's like, he's licking his penis a lot. I'm like, okay. So then I notice him doing it, and I'm in my apartment. So I go over. I'm inspecting this dog's penis, right? And he's looking at me.

Looking at it. What do you want me to do? Well, dogs have retractable dicks. It's not on his actual red rocket penis. It's like the sheath.

Looking at it. What do you want me to do? Well, dogs have retractable dicks. It's not on his actual red rocket penis. It's like the sheath.

So I just saw something there. I was like, oh, yeah, it looks a little red. I'm going to take him to the vet. So I take him to the vet. Wait, his penis looks a little red. There's like a thing that looks like a cut. So I'm like, oh, it's probably a hotspot. You know, because like if they get cut, they start licking it and then it could spread. Whatever. So I looked at a little infected.

So I just saw something there. I was like, oh, yeah, it looks a little red. I'm going to take him to the vet. So I take him to the vet. Wait, his penis looks a little red. There's like a thing that looks like a cut. So I'm like, oh, it's probably a hotspot. You know, because like if they get cut, they start licking it and then it could spread. Whatever. So I looked at a little infected.

I go to the... Ant's looking at me like I was the one licking it. Like he was licking his own fucking hotspot. I mean, nothing. I wasn't. Okay. I get to the doctor and he's like, oh, you know, what's going on? It's like, I think there's a hotspot on my dog's penis. He's like, okay, we'll kind of check it out or whatever, and he's a super nice guy. Technically, it was your dog's foreskin.

I go to the... Ant's looking at me like I was the one licking it. Like he was licking his own fucking hotspot. I mean, nothing. I wasn't. Okay. I get to the doctor and he's like, oh, you know, what's going on? It's like, I think there's a hotspot on my dog's penis. He's like, okay, we'll kind of check it out or whatever, and he's a super nice guy. Technically, it was your dog's foreskin.

I don't know what to call it, to be honest with you.

I don't know what to call it, to be honest with you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What is the point of this interjection that you just had? What are you trying to establish that you don't already know? I'm trying to hear myself talk. I know. Trying to hear myself. she's whistling. Um, so I, I go in there and I'm like, Oh, there's something wrong with my dog's penis or whatever. And then he's like, okay, cool. We'll check it out.

What is the point of this interjection that you just had? What are you trying to establish that you don't already know? I'm trying to hear myself talk. I know. Trying to hear myself. she's whistling. Um, so I, I go in there and I'm like, Oh, there's something wrong with my dog's penis or whatever. And then he's like, okay, cool. We'll check it out.

Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the Basement Yard, our 500th episode. That's 10.

And then he tells me, he's like, by the way, I just want, you know, I didn't want to, cause I was in the lobby and I didn't want to tell you I'm a huge fan. He's like, I'm a huge fan of yours. And you know, whatever. I love the podcast. I was like, Oh, thank you, man. I appreciate it.

No. So I went to a different one and he actually made a comment. He was like, Oh, you know, we were jealous that you went to the other one. And I was like, oh, I don't even know how the fuck they knew that. I think because they were checking the system. Yeah, the records. So he says that, and I'm like, okay, cool. And he leaves the room for a second to go get the doctor. I look down.

My fly could not be more gaped. It's so open.

Because, yeah, because I'm like always – before we go on stage, I'm like checking to see that it's open. But it was so –

dude i'm not kidding so cavernous it was so open just like what kind of pants were you wearing jeans i was wearing a pants like kind of like these like a whatever but like i think the way that i was sitting it just didn't help and it was so opened and i'm like this guy's getting a look at my penis and the dog and the dog's penis so he's seeing one of them is a real hot spot and the other one is just just a spot playfully infected spot just a dot

Had to drink. Right.

Yeah, and I was like, oh, okay, thanks. But that was like no discount, but, you know, they did a good job.

I was totally okay with that. I mean, it wasn't a huge bill. The other one was a pretty big bill.

You don't even listen when I talk. Because nobody is going to milk my dog, Frank.

They express them. Oh.

I would not want my anal gland expressed.

I don't think we have that either.

Was it a, was it a, did it take long?

You really are 21, aren't you?

When I got my permit.

500 episodes.

You've got so much karma. You're coming your way. It's insane.

Like from the Lord above?

Please tell me this was like, oh, my big fat tits or something. It was it? What'd it say? Bro, the guy...

What is it?

So that was your sign? That was my sign. Damn, dude. You should have been like, this will be good for the podcast and walked over and be like, hey, Rusty, what are you watching? Yeah. The fuck is this? You wanted me to, like, inquire and just be like, let's sit down and analyze this together. I mean, I don't have that in me.

I could never do that to a stranger and walk up and be like, are you blasting audio porn right now? What's going on, sir?

Bro, you know what's crazy? Like, obviously that's ridiculous. There's... Those videos that exist... You said that one was like AI or something? It sounded like... Like, the cadence was very AI-like. You know what I mean? It probably was. And he was like, oh... I can only imagine what he was watching, honestly. Oh, God. I've been getting these, like...

tiktok shop fucking ads or something bro but they're so weird it's like a girl in the middle of telling a story about oh my boyfriend has never clapped my cheeks as hard as he has this past weekend and then she's selling some product like ashwagandha pills or something it's like my boyfriend like was clapping the thunder clapping the shit out of my cheeks and i'm like

This is what advertising is now?

And so a dude is watching that being like, oh, if he thunderclapped her shit, then I'm going to thunderclap some cat.

You know what I'm talking about? Did I ever tell you what I went to? I, when I lived in Astoria, I went to the deli and I got a sandwich and I'm, uh, I'm paying for it. And the dude goes, he starts pointing to like, cause there's like, it's right next to the, it's literally as you're paying, it's right here. Yeah, and literally it's like giraffe tits or something. You know what I'm saying? Yes.

Hard giraffe dick or whatever it's called. And it's like something like that. And he's like, yo, you want – you need this? And I was like, no, I'm good. He's like, no, bro. He's like, you need it. And I'm like, what's going on, bro? I'm trying to buy a sandwich from you. I'm trying to like help out.

Yeah, I was like, yo, why do you think that I need some, you know, turbo hyena dick or whatever the fuck? Like what vibes am I giving off that you think I need that?

That was nuts.

Nothing has ever, I've eaten anything. I've been like, it's go time. It's never happened to me.

Never.

It felt wrong when you said it, but it was right.

Horny hot sauce. I'm giving you that for free, by the way. We're not going to market a horny hot sauce. Everyone else is doing it. I know.

I know. You might as well. I know. It is kind of crazy that those are like a thing. And again, we're not saying there's an issue with people who have ED. I get it. Correct. People have erectile dysfunction. That's totally fine. But if you're going to buy your pills... right next to where you would buy a lighter.

I'm just saying maybe you've made mistakes.

Yeah, fuck that motherfucker that was pawning off the pills. Yeah, that's crazy. And saying that I needed them.

It's also about going fast and then an animal. Yeah, so it would be like nitrous oxide hyena dick fucker. I don't know. We'll workshop the name. We're coming up with stuff, but we do have some ads. That's not a good place to start. We do have some ads for this episode. The first one being, how you doing? Stitch Fix. Shopping is hard, but a better way to do that? With Stitch Fix.

Since I had... Oh, my head of hair. I'm so glad that I can sing because I've been like losing my voice kind of because I was like sick.

Stitch Fix is like an online stylist. Okay, you go onto their website, you take a style quiz, you tell them, I like wearing clothes like this, I like stripes, I like this kind of fit, I'm this tall, this is my waist size, stuff like that.

You let them know the kind of clothes that you like to wear, and then they get to work, and they pull a bunch of stuff from a bunch of brands that you know and love, they send it to your house, and you only pay for the stuff that you keep. Okay, the rest you send back, and... Returns are always free. So whatever you send back or whatever, you don't have to pay for. It's great.

But it's a great way to kind of keep your closet clean. current. Okay. You always get it. And it's nice to get a little package every once in a while and be like, Ooh, some new clothes, you know, and someone's working for you. They know your style, what you like to wear, which brands you like, and they'll send stuff to your house. It's amazing. So make style easy.

Get started today at stitch fix.com slash basement. That is stitch fix.com slash basement, but they will send you all that stuff. Okay. And they'll make sure that you're looking good. Um, speaking of looking good, we also have skims. Okay. Skims. You know, I know a lot of people think this is just women's underwear, but no.

They have Skims men's, and this is some of the most comfortable underwear I've ever put on my body, okay? They have... When it first came out, I was like, damn, it's just for women. It looks very comfortable on their skin. I wish that I could have some of that, but that's the way the cookie crumbles. But now they have Skims men's. They have awesome underwear, and they're amazing, okay?

Five days ago.

My first impression, I put them on, very soft...

perfect amount of tight okay if you want it too tight sometimes you get underwear that's too tight and you're like okay this is too crazy now I feel like I can't breathe in this thing but it's a perfect amount of tight it keeps everything where it needs to be and it's like breathable so it's not like a sweat factory down there if you know what I'm talking about and fellas I know you do

So Skims, they have awesome boxer briefs. They have a stretch brief. They have a bunch of different things. Go check them out. Shop Skims men's and more at Skims.com. They also have a flagship store on 5th Ave. So you can go check that out if you're in the New York area. but they are the official underwear partner of the NBA, WNBA, and USA basketball.

Right.

So when you go to Skims and you buy some stuff, let them know that we sent you. After you place your order, select podcast in the survey, and then select our show in the drop-down menu that follows. So go get that. Men, women, whoever, Skims.com. Get yourself some underwear. Let them know we sent you.

Yeah.

Bro, I've done a number on this. I'm at just below two. Holy shit, this is 1.5 liters? Yeah, I'm not finishing this.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever.

Why are they yelling? There's so much yelling going on.

Not my dogs.

No, I fixed it. You fixed it? That's crazy. He just said my dog's pants was hot. Hot spot, baby. No, I know what you meant. Hot spot. I know what you said.

No, I haven't, but they have elephant sanctuaries out there, and I would love to pet an elephant.

I would ride it. I would, but I feel like not if they're mean to the elephants.

Horsepower. Oh, I felt horsepower. You ever get in a Mustang? Yeah, I felt it.

No.

Yeah. I mean, goldfish are a gateway fish to gayness. Let's be honest. Are they?

Wait, is it?

Was it? Did it eat? Dude, that looks like it ate a fat man.

There's no way that's real.

I can't, I'm not, I'm not ready to speak words yet because of how, what the fuck that's a big bitch. If, if there are things in the world that exists like that, dude, we don't have a big enough military then. Oh, we, we definitely imagine. I mean, we do, we do spend a lot of, you know, it's crazy. We have a big military. Yeah, we haven't. Yeah, but I don't trust them. I trust the military.

I don't trust the people who control the military is what I wanted to say. Um,

we're on an episode this has become keep drinking um dude what would you do if you came in and that was just like hanging from here a giant there's nothing you could do you would be spider you'd be dead fuck how much did i drink already um yeah no i'm not excited about that at all i mean if i saw a snake i'm not like afraid of snakes but anything that big i'm afraid of anything that big you're afraid of elephants

See, I'm when it comes to animals like that, I'm in the same way. I'm like. We're dumb in different ways. Who's we? Me and you. Oh, we're dumb in different ways. No, no. So like you think you could like beat animals up. I think. Well, actually, no, this is similar because with you and gorillas where you're like, oh, I'll kind of like whatever. I think that.

I have something in me that when animals see me, they know that like, I'm their bowl. You're not a threat. And not that I'm not even a threat that I'm just like, that I get them. Like they see me and they're like, Oh, like a doctor do. I'm dead ass. I think this.

When I am walking on the street and I see a dog and we make eye contact, I really think that they see me and they in their mind, they're like, oh, yeah, no, that's a good that's good. Like, I think that they understand. Like a dog barking or whatever, I feel like I would walk up to it and it would stop barking. You're like Cesar Millan, basically, is what you're saying.

What I am is fucking stupid. Yeah, we know that. That's the thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I feel like that. But I would say giant snakes I don't feel that way with. I don't think. Elephants. An angry elephant who's doing the thing. What? If I walked up to them and I just felt like I could calm it. You've got to get on the side of them. You'd put your hand under here. You'd do that.

I'd look into his eye and I'd be like, it's okay, big fella. And it would chill. Gotcha. And I don't know if that's real, but I feel that in my heart. Big fella. I don't know if I would use that language.

I don't know that I've seen an elephant vagina in my day, but.

Yeah, exactly. I watched a video of a rhino taking a dump the other day.

I'll see you guys later. I'll tell you this. They produce a lot of dump. A lot. A good a lot.

Also, like, you know, hippos don't even need tails.

What's the point of this?

Get rid of it.

Yeah. Just to have it? Or, like, if it was big enough that I could, like, pick stuff up? Go to that first picture, babe.

Like, I wish I had it. What?

Don't. Don't click on that.

Bro, I'm talking about animals. You're talking about snacks? Well, I started with goldfish. I thought you were talking about the rainbow fish in the book with the scale that's holographic.

That does.

Oh, yeah, they did the Blue Origin.

Before we get into Katy Perry, do you think that's real or is it fake?

I mean, are you in space or are you like in the atmosphere?

First of all, I'm with you. No. No, no, no. Not doing it. But like the idea that I could be above the earth looking at it and then also look into space for a second is so crazy. I can't even imagine – I almost feel like it can't be real because if that was me and I went into space and I saw the earth in front of me and then I saw space behind me and I landed back on earth.

I would be like so different.

I know. No, how do you get down and you hold up a flower and you promote your album? I'd be like, bro, I'm not me anymore.

Dude, if I go and I see this thing and I – You'd be doing the Jim Carrey thing. You ever see his interviews where he's like, I'm not me. I'm a fictional character of – Bro, I would lose my mind because the idea of seeing –

Can't we see the sun? We see it from here, babe. That's not what I mean. I mean, like, if you're in space, if you look at the sun, what does it look like? The sun. But, like, so you can't look at the sun, though, is my point.

The sun is... It's crazy. It's big. Big, brother. Bro, also the sun. is really the father. Really, if it decides, I'm not going to work today, we're all dead.

I would say 150 million Earths. Yeah, it's a lot. I would say...

That's a big burning star.

How is it burning still? It's been so long.

How is the sun in space burning so hot that it warms the earth? Yeah. But as we know it, fire needs oxygen. Without oxygen, there can't be fire. But in space, there's no oxygen.

Like a real incel? You think that, first of all, you are not going to pass combos over to the incel community.

How is that happening that the sun is like- Well, hydrogen is important.

Okay.

Yeah.

And it's like.

With no sun.

No? Just in complete darkness?

Correct, yes. Okay. For the audio listeners, you have no idea what's going on. No, no, no. It's our 500th episode. Also, for the audio listeners, you can't see this. Yeah, there's big eyes. But Frankie's dream has come to fruition. We have two big fat beer towers.

Yeah, but we have a bunch of cans.

Maybe we shouldn't talk about the end of the earth apocalypse because I don't want to go there. I'm having a good day.

Because Kesha went to Wendy's and was like, ha, ha, ha, and she posted a picture. Wait, what?

I'm not familiar. I know that Kesha... Something happened to Kesha. Something not cool. I don't know if that has something to do with this. I have no idea. I honestly don't know. All I know is that people are like, ooh, Kesha's shading fucking Katy Perry.

Does it?

It's like tone deaf. I heard that Katy Perry was like, I recommend this to everyone. And it's like, bro, we can't afford to do that. What the fuck are you talking about? That we can go do that. It was like her, Gayle King, and other people. Oh, I saw the video of them walking on, and Gayle did not look happy.

Me neither. I'd be shaking.

Yeah, dude. She's a giant follower.

I don't know. I'm not the demo, so I don't really know.

Here's what I'll say. I don't know. If there's a reason to hate Katy Perry, that'd be fun. I love hating people. What? Right? But... I think if there isn't a legitimate reason to hate Katy Perry, right? And she got back from space and Wendy's was just like, send that bitch back. That's fucking hilarious. It is. And if I'm Katy Perry, bro. Bro, if I'm Katy Perry, I'm beefing.

I'm going on Twitter and be like, suck my dick. Bro, I'm beefing with Wendy's so bad. If there's nothing. If there's nothing is what I'm saying. If Wendy's just like...

We don't know? But why from Wendy's? I'm trying to put myself in Katy Perry's shoes. If I went to space and came back and it was such a crazy moment for me, and then Wendy's was like, yo, send his ass back. I'd be like, suck my dick, Wendy's? Like, what the fuck did I do to you?

It's like picking a favorite child here.

That's how I got my start. Oh, with Taco Bell? Yeah, I've seen people reenact our interaction. It would be nuts.

That was like 2010.

Which is crazy. I was hyped that a verified account even replied to me.

Speaking of brands. We do have more sponsors that I would have forgot about. But listen, Mother's Day is coming up. You know what that means? I have the greatest gift in the world for your mother, okay? And that's Aura Frames. Aura Frames was named the best digital photo frame by Wirecutter. It's easy to see why, okay?

This is a great thing to get for your mother, especially if you're out of the house. Maybe you don't see your mom as much as she would like you to. There's unlimited storage. You can add as many photos, videos, and memes or whatever you want to this frame, and your mother can just watch your life. I gave my mom an Aura frame, and me and all my siblings, we upload pictures of... our lives.

If I go on a trip or like pictures of my dog and stuff or pictures of me and my siblings do the same with their children and whatever they're doing, we upload it to this thing. And my mom just has this rotating picture frame that has pictures of us, the kids or whatever, and videos and stuff like that. So it's a really cool thing.

Um, especially for mothers and because mother's day is coming up, I think this is like what you should get honestly. But it's awesome. And they have a great deal for Mother's Day for a limited time. Listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35 off plus free shipping on their best-selling Carver Matte Frame. That's AuraFrames, spelled A-U-R-A, frames.com.

The promo code is BASEMENT. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. But, yeah, go get that Aura Frame, man. I think that's a great gift for anybody, even if it's not for your mother but for anyone. I think this is an awesome gift. You can upload all these things to it. It's really cool. So check it out. Horrorframes.com. Use that code basement.

And lastly here, we have Stamps.com. It handles all your mailing and shipping needs whenever, whenever. I just said whenever twice. Whenever, wherever. You can seamlessly connect with every major market and shopping cart if you sell products online. You have access to all the USPS and UPS services that you need. and also rates that you won't get anywhere else.

So you get up to 88% off USPS and UPS rates. That's amazing. No more tedious postage math. They have a rate advisor that helps you calculate the best shipping rates fast. So everything that you need that you could get at the post office, it saves you the trip there. You don't have to wait in any lines or go find parking or any of that. You can do it from the comfort of your own home.

You can do it at 3 a.m. in your underwear if you want. Whatever you're into, you can do it then. So go to stamps.com. You can get a four-week trial, free postage, and a digital scale at stamps.com slash basement. So, yeah, thank you for them to sponsoring the show. But you get a four-week trial, free postage, digital scale, also no long-term contracts or commitments or anything like that.

Just go to stamps.com and use the code basement for that special offer. Okay? Boom. Boom. Boom.

I feel like that, too. I feel like if I didn't want to have sex with women, then I would probably love it.

Yeah.

Yeah. Every day. Get them. Um, there was a, there was a tweet that I saw and it was a dude and like, I mean, obviously it's the internet. So who knows if this is like real, but it was a dude's, uh, Like, Tinder profile. Starts it off with trigger warning.

If you write your own trigger warning to, like, your bio or, like, oh, I might say something offensive. Or if it's, like, me and my boy, if we started a podcast, we get canceled immediately. Canceled immediately. Yeah. Yo, you guys are sick, dude. Just say you're racist. It says, let me guess, you're 25 with three kids. This is how he's starting off. Wait, who's he saying this to?

This is a random person. Oh, this is his bio?

And you've done had your fun. Now you don't want that. You want a real man to settle down with and take care of you and your kids because you let a loser nut inside you. Jesus Christ. Then the ultimate, I'm six foot even. We're starting off with the height. That's what you guys do. I mean, when you start off with your height or if your height is in your bio, then your dick is tiny. Tiny.

I'm six foot even, have my own house, two vehicles. Vehicles.

And I make over 75K a year. Whoa.

To put it on here, like it's like, yeah.

What do you bring to the table? If the answer is someone else's kids, then go kick rocks. No man will ever want you. Stop saying you're thick. You're obese. Also, you're not a dog mom. You're a pet owner. Jesus Christ.

No.

We got down to the bottom here. This is kind of insane. No, I wouldn't say that. But what do you know? I'm definitely beating you. My thing is, like, I don't understand why there's men on the Internet thinking like if your objective is to attract women. Why is the thought process like, I'm going to insult them first?

Are you kidding me? It's my dream to get fucking stunnered.

I would love to make that happen.

But like, I understand that my, my, what I'm saying is like, it's interesting for me to see guys thinking that in order to make myself look desirable and I have to be mean or have to say negative things about women. And like, this is what I bring to the table. So and you don't write. It's not necessarily about making yourself be like, OK, if you want to be successful, you want to be in shape.

You want to do all those things. That's great. That's a great thing. You don't need to then put down women at the same time because that hurts your chances at being attractive. I don't get the idea that you're like... Yeah, because you're not an idiot.

Well, no, that's not what I was going to say. I do do that sometimes, especially with Oreos. You scrape. I can scrape an Oreo clean, dude.

I'm just saying I think that if the objective is to be, like, a high-value man, the value – like – Oh, my God. Hold on. So listen, right?

Those are Michelob's. Potatoes. We're on a golf course.

Yeah. Did you expense those?

Oh, yeah. I'm saying like. If the objective is to be attractive to women, right? And even the term high-value man. I hate that shit so much. Same. But who determines the value? I think if you're talking about the dating market, the person who makes the value is the opposite person. You know what I mean? Like you're only a high-value man if women see you as a high-value man.

But the little crackers, the Ritz crackers with the cheese, I'll like put the whole thing in my mouth and then kind of open it, eat the one side of the cracker, bullshit. You know, I get what you're saying. You know what I like to do? I haven't even gotten to the meat and potatoes of what I'm saying here. Go ahead. I'm sorry. You're right. I get it down. Now I just have cracker and then cheese.

No, but that's my point. Like I'm saying, the term high-value man, like who determines the value? It makes more sense to me to be like, well, you're a high-value man because a lot of women want you, not because a lot of dudes want you. Like, if you're a straight guy— Unless you're gay, and that's cool. Well, yeah, no, that's not what I'm talking about, though.

But, like, if you're a straight guy, if you're a high-value man, that means that women are determining the value because those are the people that are choosing. You know what I mean? Supply and demand, baby. I completely get it. So, like, you're saying you want to be a high-value man—

because other men think that you're high value or something like you're trying to prove a point to other men like that doesn't but that doesn't like you're you're isolating this is what this is I know that I'm not like confused I'm just like talking but you are confused and I'm not confused you're stupid

Now, yeah, now. I was getting to a point.

Can someone explain how these things always are bubbling? What is carbonation? Carbonation is gas CO2 Yeah It's carbon dioxide Is it CO2? I think so I think so Yeah They pump into it But there's always bubbles You ever have a glass of champagne And there's one It's like one bubble It's getting like bigger And it just goes one line straight up Oh, yeah. What the fuck is that? How is that a thing?

And then I take the cheese and I try to get it off of the cracker. And then I take the cheese and I rub it on the top of my mouth with my tongue. And then it just like gets all dusty on the top of my mouth. And then I eat it. Anybody else do that?

Because your parents aren't listening.

Four.

Four days a week.

Let me ask you another question. So I'll ask you two. Then I'll get to you because I know your answer is double. If you're going out... Let's say we're – Set the scene.

I'm not going to say – let's say that like Becca and the kids are like –

somewhere else they went on a vacation somewhere and you're not there without me okay things okay at home i'm trying to i'm trying to set a scene where it's like you don't have like responsibilities to go back to or anything like that i can come out with me and i have no responsibilities oh that's not what i'm saying my my you'll you'll see what i'm saying if you if you don't have like that whole thing and it's like okay you're gonna you're where me and you are gonna go out and get after it um

I guess how many drinks do you think that you would usually have on a night out like that?

Um, okay. So it's like a dinner and then we'll go to a cocktail bar after maybe like three, maybe three.

It's not 2011. It's today. Okay.

How many would you say?

Yeah, like you can't... Whoever's drinking the most out of the group.

So if we go out... So dinner and cocktails, we're talking about... Let's say dinner's at 7.30. And then we go out for cocktails and we're done by like 11. Okay, so that's three and a half hours. Yeah. Like I drink an hour? Yeah, I would say.

No, because I don't know. I was just curious.

I think that when I go out with my friends, if we're going out, if I go out at like 7 o'clock, I'll usually have like five.

I could do one.

I feel like back then you were like, I don't want to say worse and make it like that, but you could drink a lot of beer.

Yeah.

It's kind of crazy.

Yeah, dude, I, bro, we have, if I go out and it's just dinner, it's a little date night.

Two. Yeah. Something like that. One or two. I don't see my friends that often. So like maybe like. I don't know, like every other weekend on average, maybe something like that. But there's like times where I don't I don't see my friends for like a month or something like that. But if I'm going out like it's usually like five or six drinks.

Yep. Yeah, I do.

Well, that's what I'm saying. If you're like, oh, we're going to this thing at noon, that's a mistake. My issue... Is burpee. No, no, no. You're a burpee boy. Well, I am. Well, you're... Sorry, you're a... Yeah. Cause I have that thing. I have a disease. People told me I have a disease. You do. It's called like something. R or PD or, or you have, you have PDD. No, I don't have PDD.

You don't take the cheese and like.

It's R it's C3PO or R2D2. R2D2 DD. But it's, it's something where it's like, you can't burp. So it doesn't. There you go. Oh, hiccups.

Everyone's got fucking college degrees over here. Degrees now. College dungarees.

I swear to God.

I got the C3PO. That's it. When I was talking about it on the show, someone messaged me and was like, this is what it is. I have it too. And then I started getting fed a bunch of TikToks about it. And I was like, this is me. I don't care. So I'm just...

Yeah, 12 years ago? Yes, absolutely.

Yeah. Do you think that we'll get to a point in life where it's like drinking is like cigarettes to us?

Yeah.

Right.

I think people are not drinking because of hangovers. I think they're not drinking because it's not good.

They absolutely have them already It's called drugs my guy So that's what that is But yeah I mean we got so close Well Some of us got closer Some of us Are you closer than me?

But yeah, 500th episode.

No. You would do something like that. It would. It would do it. That would be the Piggy Boys. Like, we're doing Vodka Towers. Like, bro, you guys are crazy. Yeah, you guys are sickos.

Just want to say 500 episodes of The Basement Yard. Very crazy. I can say as, you know, when I started the podcast, I thought of it as a thing that was very supplementary to what I was doing at the time. And just being like... This is cool. It was the first time I heard myself on a microphone. It sounds really cool to hear your voice in headphones and through a microphone or whatever.

We abandoned the headphones, but I was like, oh, wow, this feels very professional or whatever, and it was cool to me, but it never felt like the thing, and now it's just brought so much to my life, so I appreciate it. 500 episodes of this show, and... It's really cool. I'm really proud of it. I'm glad that you're here doing the thing with me, too. Ant, also happy that you're here.

You thought I was going to say something negative? I thought you were going to say... No, no, no. I'm happy Ant's here, too.

Some people hate the addition of you. I'll say that.

It's fine.

You're flying high in April.