Fred Luskin

Exactly. The not getting the promotion. Dana heard that, that it's about Dana. She took it personally. It's my company, my job. I did all this work. I made all this effort. She took the no, the rejection, as a personal affront.

Absolutely. So there's no denying that Dana's body and mind were affected by not getting the job. What there is room to negotiate is how much of that effect had to do with Dana's expectations, not just the not getting the job.

Absolutely. So there's no denying that Dana's body and mind were affected by not getting the job. What there is room to negotiate is how much of that effect had to do with Dana's expectations, not just the not getting the job.

Absolutely. So there's no denying that Dana's body and mind were affected by not getting the job. What there is room to negotiate is how much of that effect had to do with Dana's expectations, not just the not getting the job.

So Alan had a wife who cheated on him. Like, And she didn't like try to hide it. You know, it was like, we're married, but you don't satisfy me. So, you know, I have an affair. And she shut him down if he started to complain or articulate his needs. So Alan just had one of those like doozies of a story. It's all her fault. The blame is the second piece of a three-part sequence.

So Alan had a wife who cheated on him. Like, And she didn't like try to hide it. You know, it was like, we're married, but you don't satisfy me. So, you know, I have an affair. And she shut him down if he started to complain or articulate his needs. So Alan just had one of those like doozies of a story. It's all her fault. The blame is the second piece of a three-part sequence.

So Alan had a wife who cheated on him. Like, And she didn't like try to hide it. You know, it was like, we're married, but you don't satisfy me. So, you know, I have an affair. And she shut him down if he started to complain or articulate his needs. So Alan just had one of those like doozies of a story. It's all her fault. The blame is the second piece of a three-part sequence.

It starts with taking it too personally, which you covered. When we take things too personally, our mind and body react in a very harsh, physically disruptive and emotionally suffering way. And then we have to talk to ourselves about what happened. So all three of those end up as this quality of blame. You did it to me. I'm not responsible for how bad I feel.

It starts with taking it too personally, which you covered. When we take things too personally, our mind and body react in a very harsh, physically disruptive and emotionally suffering way. And then we have to talk to ourselves about what happened. So all three of those end up as this quality of blame. You did it to me. I'm not responsible for how bad I feel.

It starts with taking it too personally, which you covered. When we take things too personally, our mind and body react in a very harsh, physically disruptive and emotionally suffering way. And then we have to talk to ourselves about what happened. So all three of those end up as this quality of blame. You did it to me. I'm not responsible for how bad I feel.

And I'm going to talk to myself that solidifies this as a blaming story.

And I'm going to talk to myself that solidifies this as a blaming story.

And I'm going to talk to myself that solidifies this as a blaming story.

You're spot on with that because when people are devastated... It's appropriate to be disrupted, dysregulated, confused, angry, lost, scared, and short-term. It's really helpful to have somebody to blame besides you.

You're spot on with that because when people are devastated... It's appropriate to be disrupted, dysregulated, confused, angry, lost, scared, and short-term. It's really helpful to have somebody to blame besides you.

You're spot on with that because when people are devastated... It's appropriate to be disrupted, dysregulated, confused, angry, lost, scared, and short-term. It's really helpful to have somebody to blame besides you.

When something happens, we have a choice of how we talk about it. And so we can talk about it as a normal life event, a catastrophe, something to cope with, you know, something I'm here to learn from, or a sign that the world is an unfair, unsafe place. What we lose when we get too deep into a grievance story is one, we have a choice. So that story of

When something happens, we have a choice of how we talk about it. And so we can talk about it as a normal life event, a catastrophe, something to cope with, you know, something I'm here to learn from, or a sign that the world is an unfair, unsafe place. What we lose when we get too deep into a grievance story is one, we have a choice. So that story of

When something happens, we have a choice of how we talk about it. And so we can talk about it as a normal life event, a catastrophe, something to cope with, you know, something I'm here to learn from, or a sign that the world is an unfair, unsafe place. What we lose when we get too deep into a grievance story is one, we have a choice. So that story of

hey, I got a really crappy deal with this wife and she messed up my life for six months. That's a healthy story for a month or so. You know, it's like that's how your brain rebalances and reorganizes itself from the disruption. And it can't go directly to, oh, let's think about this. I didn't make a good choice in marriage. She gave me lots of clues.