Gabby Bryan
Appearances
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, can I match with this person? Yeah, where you're like, oh, my God, Eric Andre. Eric Andre. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The amount of times I'll like Eric Andre and he is not liking me back. Eric, if you're out there.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Bring Algo. He hasn't seen you yet. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. Yeah, but then I'll, like, go on dates with people on Raya. Really? I'm not going to waste my time.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah. I'm 5'10". I'm 5'10", too. Yeah. This is not about, like, manners with us. We are just tall women.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
And I want to wear a fun shoe. Yeah.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
She likes a fun shoe. So I say in my bio, I say I'm 5'10". Yeah. Know that before investing in my company. That's my bio. And then I ask them straight up. I say, how tall are you?
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
And then there's something about getting an implant where they're like, I mean, my nipples could cut diamonds.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Now, now it's like, they're like slicing my shirts. Yeah.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Dating dating is six foot, 5'11". Really? Yeah, but he was English, so it sort of like made up for it.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I'm such a picky bitch. Yeah. Where I'll also like... Like I'm so used to being around broke idiots that it's like my comfort zone almost. Where I'm like, I'll pay for dinner. Be tall.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah, and I'm from the Jersey Shore. Like, you know, I love a skateboarder. I love a gold tooth. I, yes, I love, one time I dated a man who had no front teeth.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
But gold teeth right next to it. Okay, hot. Yeah, I like a really fucked up looking individual. You do great in LA. No, they're losers.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah, and it's so annoying. It's like, you're gonna be a part of it. Yeah. Don't... Be funny. Don't fight. Don't fight it. Yeah, don't... Don't be annoying then. Yeah. But no, I don't even really talk about dating that much in my act now. I used to all the time and it was ruining relationships. So I've actually decided to tone that back a little bit for my own health and wellness. Yeah. Yeah.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Now I just talk about Botox and, you know, shitting my pants and stuff like that. Yeah. So, yeah, but it takes a very strong man. But also, I'm crazy on stage and, like, really high energy and wild. And then in real life, I'm actually much quieter and shyer than I am. Shyer, is that a word? It doesn't matter. It's okay. Yeah.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
So I think it takes a lot for men to – there's a whiplash element where they go, who the fuck is that?
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Three days. Yeah, yeah. Here's the thing. I want a guy to tell me to shut the fuck up.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
And I'm such a little fucking sub in relationships because I'm such a dom in real life.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I'm begging you to tell me what to do. I'm so busy answering emails that I don't have time to plan regular life. Yeah. You do that while mommy's working.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Wait, I've never even met a VP.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
He was a VP. The richest guy I've ever dated, he was a Wall Street trader. And I, like, didn't understand what that meant. And I was like, is that treason? Like, what do you mean? Trader? The king is not going to love that.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I don't know how to use my oven, but I'll figure it out. Yeah. If you invest in me, I'll invest in you.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I, no. Well, here's the thing. My fan base is girlies. Maybe. lesbians, gay guys, and a random... There would be someone's boyfriend here and there. And I don't know how this happened. Men are allowed at my shows. Maybe they're just a little nervous around me. But I get stormed by lesbians. Lesbians are knocking at my door, okay?
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
So if I really... And I am bisexual, but only when I'm feeling French. So like... If I wanted to, I could be like eating pussy all over this country.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Box city. Just box them out. I know, but I'm really into boys right now. I don't want to make my lesbians mad, but I'm having a boy moment. I'll be back to you guys later.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
He is so hot. I'm into like a real rugged, toxic masculinity right now.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Like when... When Beth like killed the guy, I don't want to give anything away, killed the guy and then Rip had to get rid of the body. She was like, you know what to do with that, right? Yeah. That's my dream. That's my dream. Yeah. So I don't often like hook up on tour, but also I'm like kind of boring on tour where I do a show and then I go home. Yeah. Is it exhausting? Yeah.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
It's nonstop. And then I do the meet and greets afterwards, which is another hour of talking to people, which is awesome. But then I'm, like, talked out.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
No, I have a Kindle. Oh, smart. But I'll read it on an airplane. I was sitting middle seat this past trip, wherever I was coming back from, reading one of the most graphic scenes. I was like... Like trying to block. But I'm in between two older people who are also reading books, but they're reading about like Einstein or some shit. And I'm like, he shoves his cock in my gut.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
And I was like, I was reading. It was like this close to my face.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
And then I'm squinting a little bit. I love being in an airport because you feel like a sexy, mysterious stranger. And that's my favorite emotion.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah. I'm trying to shift my behavior because usually when I go on a flight, I look the worst I've ever looked at my life.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I know. I'm shifting this because now I talk to so many people in the audience and they go, I met my husband in the airport. I met my father on a plane. And now I'm like, oh my God, I need to be wearing a pencil skirt at Delta.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, like, when you go to the bathrooms at the box, and there's, um, candles. You know what I'm talking about? Is this a deep cut?
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yes. Oh, I see that for you. When I was in college, I dated the lighting designer of the box, so I would just go alone all the time while he was working. And it's very – talk about being alone in an airport. Yeah. Being alone at the box, witnessing what you witness. Oh, my God. Like, sitting – I would just sit in one of the upper booths and watch like this. Yes.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
What's the craziest thing you've done with a guy? I'm actually not crazy, and I hate to, like, pop the... It's so boring. I know. I'm pretty, like, calm in a relationship because I'm so crazy on stage. Yeah. So I really am just like Nara Smith. Yeah. I'm just like a cutie pie.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I was A. I was like a double A. A double A?
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I don't think I have enough trauma with men.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
But I date a lot of like really depressed, like sad. Oh, sad boys? You like sad boys? You know, like goth. Did you just want to say Diplo? Diplo. I date a Diplo. Ah!
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah, he did. And the beat dropped. Yeah, I date a lot of like sad boys who are just like addicted to me. Like, you know, they're like giving up heroin and now they're like addicted to me. That's what I like. So they actually stalk me, follow me, you know, stuff like that. Nice. And then I'm like, stop. Stop.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Stop, don't stop, stop. Stop, stop. You're embarrassing me.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Okay. But have you ever cheated? No. But one time I like got really close. Really? Emotionally or physically? Physically. Okay. One time I was like really rubbing up against a guy on a bachelorette party while I was like just about to break up with my boyfriend.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah. So it was actually kind of cute.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
And when I see a bicep, because I'm from the Jersey Shore and I really like a meathead, when I see a loose bicep, it's like when a man sees big tits. I'm hypnotized. And I have to grab at them.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I don't understand why double only exists in whatever. A's and D's. So I Ubered to the hospital.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah, let's undo history by continuing history. Yeah, 100%. I was raised by this crazy hippie mom who wore cowboy boots and never had makeup on and had big tits, and she was just so hot. And when we were growing up, we would pull up next to construction sites, and she would roll down the windows, and we would all catcall the construction workers. Yes.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
So that's actually what I thought catcalling was.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Where I'm like, yeah, I've done it.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Take it off. So to me, I am like, I am such a little frat boy.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah, don't we all? Yeah. If you don't have childhood trauma, I mean, move to Indiana. Like, why are you in New York City? Right?
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
That's what I've just realized recently. Where I just like chaos because my childhood was such chaos. It was chaos? Yeah.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I just grew up on tour with my dad and then my mom lived on this farm next to a puppy mill and it was like real white trash. So I grew up really like half white trash and smoking cigarettes inside. No teeth.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Did they smoke cigs in the car? Of course.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
course windows up your windows up smoking cigs big dunkin donuts so trash you know what i'm talking about yeah smoking cigs chewing bubble gum at the same time wow that okay so that was like my white trash side and then my dad was like it's like this rock star and we'd go on tour all the time but he was raised by these north jersey jews that were very like traditional yeah
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
So it was a combination. It was a real smoothie of different cultures.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
That just ended up in chaos. And then that's why I'm like. So fun. Well, your dad was the, I don't know how to say it.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Okay, yeah, yeah. I literally Ubered to the hospital. I got there and the nurse was like, oh, okay, so come on the back. You paid, right? And I was like, I think so. Are you going to let me in here? I didn't even pay. I would have clarned this if I knew. And then it was so easy. I'm going to get everything done. I'm going to get everything nipped, tucked, tied. I don't care.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
And then they divorced when I was like 11. Okay. Yeah.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
And you didn't go, you weren't like, take me down to the funeral home.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Best date, fresh on my mind because it was with the lighting designer of the box. So I'm like really obsessed with like, The macabre circuses, you know, carnies like I really like a freak show. Yeah. So he took me to Coney Island for the first time. I had never been. We got like fucked up on like, you know, like blue slushy drinks. And we went to a freak show at that classic Coney Island.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
And then we made out on the beach.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Because you know what? It wasn't classic. It wasn't dinner. I don't want to have fucking dinner with you. I don't have the time.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
And I don't want to cut everything into tiny little.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
And then we could sit there and talk about all the freaks we saw.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I don't want to hear about your childhood in Connecticut. No, no, no. I want to talk about the freak we just saw.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Did you like The Freak? Who was your favorite freak? Yeah, yeah. Should we take The Freak home? If you were a freak, what would you freak out doing?
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Take me to a freak show. Take me to a freak off. Like, let's have fun. That was the best date. And then the worst date... I haven't had a lot of really bad dates other than like just bad conversation where you leave.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
But one time I was out with this guy who I actually ended up dating. And I have this thing about me where people tell me secrets.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I have a theory. It's because I look like everyone's cousin.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Everyone goes, I feel like I know you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I just look like everyone's cool cousin home from college. Yeah. So people say, I have to tell you something. Don't tell my mom. Like that's the vibe. Yeah. Yeah. So I was out with this guy. We had, like, a will-they-won't-they for a while. And then we were, like, at a party sitting, you know, outside hanging out really late. And he told me that he once killed a guy. Shut up. Yeah.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I fully dated him. I thought it was kind of cool.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah, I really, I don't know what it is. I think I'm just nonjudgmental to the point where you could tell me you killed a guy and I'll still date you. Was he tall? He was so hot. I mean, he was so hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, he was hot. Obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that was, like, technically probably the worst date because I'm, like, now, you know, involved in some sort of murder.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I didn't Uber home. Well, I had to stay overnight and they like hired a nurse for me. Oh, fancy. Yeah. Okay. So I just had like a little Irish nurse. I think she was Irish or I was on Vicodin.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Your mind immediately didn't go to 9-11?
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're totally on Vicodin.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Here's the thing that I think about a lot is, like, do you think my U.S. spy is, like, talking to my Chinese spy? Oh, for sure. And what if they fell in love? Yep. And I'm the meet cute.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Just because like my TikTok is so girl focused. And then my Instagram is a little more boy focused. And he feels like a, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Patriot. Yeah. And then he falls in love with the little Chinese girl. Yeah. And he's just trying to do his duty. Yeah.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Oh, wait. I just came up with one the other day. Fuck, what was it? My biggest man ick... Well, short is my biggest ick and I've speak to that and men get really upset at me, but it's like, mind your business. Yeah. It's not, you have, um, there is a sea of short girls in this world that you get to choose from. I'm a tall person and I get to discriminate.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I went on tour one week later.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I think it's, like, don't be a bitch. Yay. Like... Like, I've said it a million times because I mean it and I'm manifesting it. Grab me by the back of my neck. Yeah. And throw me in an Uber Black. Yeah. Okay. And take me wherever you want. Yeah. Like, I hate when a guy's like, do you want to get drinks?
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
No, I'm busy. No, say you have to quit your job. I don't think women should work.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Be like, you're quitting your job. Yeah, yeah, that would be super hot. I don't think I have any other ex. I had a good one, but I'm forgetting what it was. Me too.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
What happened? And if a woman is carrying a backpack, that's... I mean, it's so much worse.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I just had my little fake coach bag. I had my fake Louis Vuitton. I would take the New Jersey Transit in with $100 cash, and I'd buy a fake Louis Vuitton. What are those things called? Carry-all.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
And then I put my binders in it like a fucking adult.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Also, of course, and you know he's never washed that.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
like hook up with these dudes and allow them to like we all need to like start a union it's really upsetting i once dated a guy who i did obviously end up dating for a year who had a sleeping bag on his bed and i went no so is that a sleeping bag and he said yep and i went all right just on the bed on the bed wow no fitted sheet and this was like a fashionable man hmm
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
What does that mean? I've acted and I'll act again if anyone's watching, but I act sometimes every now and then. But it's so, I like cringe saying I'm an actress. Yeah.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah, and I would say a model first and foremost. No, there's something, what happens when you become a comedian is you can't take anything serious ever again. Like, I could never be on, like, a jury, you know? Really? Because I'd be doing bits. Yeah. And I'd be like, murder, murder this pussy. I can't see live music anymore.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Why not? It's because when someone's singing and they close their eyes, it makes me sick. Oh my God. I can't do anything serious anymore. So the idea of calling myself an actress, I have to be like,
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I'm such a comedian first and everything else second that it's just really taken, you know, it's taken the chutzpah out of everything. Yeah.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
No, I, I'm going to say something and you're not going to like it. I'm going to love it. If I sat on the side of a stool, I'll come. Oh my God.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Like, sometimes I'm on the subway, and I'm, like, close. Shut up! Yes. I don't know what it is about my, like, my pussy cartography, but, like, cartography is the art of making a map, by the way.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Okay. I never said that before, but, wow.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
That's the name of your first book. My pussy cartography. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's, yeah, there's something the way things are aligned that it's just easy for me. That being said, I started using a vibrator really late in the game and it has taken, now I understand what women are talking about where like you are like, you know. It takes over your life. Like sanding down your clit. Oh, really?
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah. I used to be able to come on the subway, and the more I use my vibrator, the less I can. Really?
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
So just something to be aware of.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I mean, I would if I had to. Yeah. To be clear.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I think I don't sleep over in the first place. Smart. So what do you think? I'm going to sleep at your fucking apartment when my la mer is in Brooklyn.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah, I do not sleep over. That's smart. No, no, ma'am.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
You know when you first get them and they're just, like, up to your chin and you look like a sex dog? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they drop, and now they look, like, beautiful and natural. They look so beautiful and natural.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I don't like people in my space. Oh, I'd rather them come to mine because then all my stuff is there.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah, I hate when a man sleeps over because it's like I thought your whole thing is that you don't want to do that.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Now I'm like, no, I need a Rolex.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
You have a girlfriend.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
He literally gave you like hospital shoes.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Right now or of all time? Of all time. And right now. I have three of all times. And I have one king, and then I have three. Okay, so there's a whole thing. You know there's knights, princes, and kings. That's a whole other thing. Obviously, we're talking about a kingdom. Yeah. So, like, my childhood one that I would kill for, like, sweat, blood, tears, Joe Jonas. Okay. Yes.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
But that's because I was a huge Jonas Brothers fan. Like I've been at parties with him and I can't speak to him. You know, like it's to the point it's like childhood fandom. Like I'm sweating. Like we were at a table once and I was like, I just have to go. Like I could never realistically date him because I like freak out. Yeah.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Still me and my best friend, Steph Dagg, hilarious comedian, went to a Jonas Brothers concert recently crying.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah, he's literally Christopher Columbus. He's Magellan. He's Trevor. Yeah, yeah, okay. Oh my God, I love Magellan. I love that you just brought up Magellan.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I always say dinner party, famous dinner party, one of the people would be Magellan.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
He was the original. Yes, he did. He tried to get to India and he accidentally discovered Africa.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
That's what he did. Magellan is so hot. Magellan's a hottie. Okay, love that you just said that. Let's add him to the celebrity crushes.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
And then funny sidebar, Eric Andre. Okay. Who I brought up. Yeah. And I really like Barry Keoghan too. Oh. He's cute.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Is Joe Jonas not enough?
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
My most embarrassing celebrity crush. Who's like an uggo that I love? Oh, Jonah Hill. Yeah, I have a Jonah Hill kink. Wow.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
There's just something about like a chubby Jew that I love. Yeah, chubby Jews are hot.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Zeus and Hercules. Oh, you got a little mythology. All right.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
It's the best Disney series. I don't know. Animated. What's yours? And then maybe you'll inspire me.
Please See Below with Brynn Whitfield
Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I just wish like I looked insane. My doctor was the same way where I was like, you know, he's an artist and he wanted them to fit my body. That's bullshit. But could you imagine if I just came in here and you were like.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
And height. He's obviously super tall. I think, what's the Mr. Krabs from SpongeBob? Oh my God. God. He's rich. He's so rich. You love that? I love that. You love that? And Larry the Lobster, if we're in the tone of Spongebob. Yeah, yeah. Parental crustaceans. Ed, Ed, and Eddie. I don't know who that is. Just three dumb guys on Cartoon Network. Okay. Really dumb. Yeah.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Like, almost medically dumb. Yeah. I'd give SpongeBob a handjob for sure.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Patrick is kind of a slay, too. Oh, Patrick is cute.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
And his house, when you finally go under the rock, it's big.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Oh, my God. My ex-boyfriend used to beg me to peg him. Are you serious? Yes. And I never did. And I actually really regret it.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
It was towards the end. He was trying to, you know.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Okay, single woman wants to peg. Here's the thing. You can't just, like, date one, peg a guy.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Unless you go find him at the basement in Brooklyn and that's a gay man, you know? So I think you have to, first of all, make sure you have all the materials, you know? He's not going to come in prepared. No. You need the whole strap-on. If you're dating straight guys, it probably has to be small, you know, because they're not. They're supposedly not used to it. Yeah.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
But I do think you have to sort of like find a really sub guy and you have to prepare him for something like that because you can't just like peg a straight guy.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
There's a bridge. It's about like gumption.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah. Yeah. Listen, abundance mindset. Okay.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
That's not your soulmate. Yeah, do you, like, want to date a man that's interested in pegging? Yeah. Like, let's talk about the big picture. Yeah, what's the big, let's macro. I think join one of these kink applications. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's that one called? There's a field. Field. Field is great. And say pegging. Yeah.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Because also, you don't want to, like, invest in a man, get five dates deep, and then say, I want to peg you, and then he's running for the hills. That's such an utter waste of time. Right, right, right.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Let me know if you want to bring yours or I'll bring mine.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I would say something so different a year ago, but now I'm really into like toxic masculinity as I talked about. And like I want a guy to be like, it's crazy you're not sucking my dick right now.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I know a way to shut you the fuck up.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Like that. Something like that. Yeah, it depends on the girl. So either you go ends of the spectrum. You just... You do one of these, you know, slam her to the ground. Or you cook her a beautiful candle at dinner. Candles. Candles. Burning. Yeah. Romance.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I want it to look like insane. I want people to gasp. So I've decided every few years I'm just going to go up a size until I like die.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Okay? Beautiful dish. And you say... I'm having dessert, but you're not. And then make her blow you.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Oh, my God. This is actually one of my true passions, is uncircumcised penis. Really? Yeah, because they're so shy. Aw. They're like hiding.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
You're good. You get a little feather on a string. You're like... They're amazing. It's exotic.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
you know it's fun it's like they dressed up for the occasion you know it's like formal wear yeah she must be going to europe because it's very european on circumstances they love scarves yeah they like to keep it warm yeah yeah yeah just think of it like a new um delicacy yeah okay yeah and there's nothing really new to be done like you think you'll have to be like
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah, once it, you know.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah. It's ready. Yeah, it's ready to go. Yeah, you don't have to do anything.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Oh, there's no time for manners.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I also think like, why do you want a man to shave his balls? I think there's nothing worse than a hairless man.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
It should be trimmed, obviously. Trimmed. Well, it's groomed. But, like, what do you want? A better view of his balls? Of his balls or his butt? Cover those up. Put a wig on those. I don't want to see that.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
So they're so fresh. Like can't stress this enough. Two months old. Three months old. You know, first trimester with my new boobs.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Why do you want a man with hairless balls? No, no, no. That's more my question back to you. Question for a question.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Your husband, too? Yeah.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Maybe a post-it note on the, like, bathroom mirror.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I'm a real go with the flow type sexster. I want them to take control. Also, I'm writing all day long. I don't have the energy to write another storyline for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give mommy a break.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah. So I just let them take it. And then I'm like, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Oh, wow. Or I'll just send back nudes. If I don't want to, like, get involved in, you know, story crafting. Yeah. I'll just, like, keep shooting back nudes.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Oh. Okay, you take sexting. I'll take nudes.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I made out with a guy who was a friend because I really was on a tear like they're too small. So it was like I looked at my friend and I'm like, you have to come make out with me. We were already planning on that. But I need you to medically look at my boobs and tell me if they're too small. I feel like every guy's going to want to be your friend.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah. Read some smut, and it gives you a good, like, um... You know, good, like, verbal boundaries of, like, what is hot and what is not. Because sometimes you read something and you're like, Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah. And then other times you're like, well, that's a good line.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
You have to do it quick.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
laughing my ass off i'm so happy i'm i get so happy yeah i think um also you could always google synonyms oh yeah yeah so like if you know if he used pump too many times just google synonym for pump yeah like the internet is um or use ai use ai or also just anything to do with cum
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Also remember like being a kid and you would play that game. I forget what it was called but it was like a house. A location. A action. You know like a Mad Lib. Oh Mad Lib. Madlib.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Put their day. I want you to come on my chest plate. Yeah, yeah, chest plate. Like in under a tree. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Are you fucking sick? What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you okay? What man in their right mind says let me be stabbed in the dick? No one wants a chandelier earring in your dick. No woman wants that.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Also, no woman is ever, I mean, unless they're like the queen of the macabre. Like, no, I don't want your fucking cubic zirconium dick ring in my vagina.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Just be a good friend. I'm actually a really good friend. Just be a good friend. Be a good friend. I need you to juggle my titties tonight. So I literally kept flashing him and being like, okay, this angle, this angle. Too small, too small. Too small, too small. Get it? Gotta go. And he's like, can you do it again? And he's like, I'm loving this.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
My pH is already off.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I don't need your mystery metal in my junk. Okay? That's going to be a week of fucking boric acid to fix that.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Absolutely not. Also, quickly going back to nudes. Yeah. It's all about lighting.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Also keep all of them. Put them in the hidden folder because you never know when you'll need one.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I can't wait to get to a point where my iCloud is hacked and my nudes are on the internet. I'm waiting. Yeah. Just leak the nudes. Have you taken a lot of new nudes with the fresh ones? I'm machine gunning nudes. Wow. It's so exciting. And I thought my nudes were good before and that with boobs, I'm like, oh my God, I should be president.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Did you have to expand your iPhone storage because of the amount of nudes that you're taking?
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
And then I recently had sex for the first time since having it, but I think I'm so... scared that they're going to pop still, that I was like... You got silicone, right? Yeah. Oh, thank God. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
horrible because you can go on like a roller coaster you just go like this or you say the pledge of allegiance and they pop could you imagine you're just trying to be a patriot i'm just i'm just trying to like give one to my country and then my which is the most unpatriotic thing for a titty to pop that's true i do have jokes about this but i scheduled my boob job um like without thinking and it was on january 20th which was inauguration day oh my gosh augmentation day for me yeah but i like
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I think it's just so funny that as a Republican is taking office like I'm getting jugs like it was the most Republican thing.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah, because I'm like, if you—this was thousands of dollars. Yeah. How much was yours? If you ruin my investment, $9,000. It wasn't that bad.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah. That's cheap. How much was hers? Oh, my God, $32,000.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
we're willing to stay awake if you want I want to see what's going on you pay extra no but they were really really lovely but he Beverly Hills is expensive I think you're paying partly for like the address well of course first of all of course and there's a reason I went to New Jersey because I didn't want to pay Manhattan prices yeah yeah and I also didn't need like a lift in a you know some people get fat sucked out of their ass and they put it in there which I kind of
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
But, yeah, mine was easy. They just went.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Also, I kind of like the scar. Yeah. I like the scar too. Battle wounds.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah, there's something like sexy, like fourth wing about the scars where I'm like, yeah, I've been through something.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Yeah, what is fourth wing?
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Smut. I'm into fantasy smut books. Fantasy smut. But actually I've sort of dropped the fantasy now. I'm into all smut books. So what are smut books? Is that like Fifty Shades of Grey? Yes, which I've never actually read. I sort of like, one day my friend handed me this book and said, you're going to love this. And it was like a Yellowstone style smut series.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Like cowboy bull rider smut. Okay. And then I sort of took that on as my whole personality.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Like I'm doing like a southern thing right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like going to PBR rodeo. Oh my God. And just like trying to find myself like just a deeply violent cowboy. Okay, Bella. Yeah. That's what I'm looking for right now. And I had never read really a smut book before. And then I realized, oh, we're missing out.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I mean, there's like full sex scenes where you're blushing, reading alone blushing.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Graphic novel feels boy, smut feels girl. Really? But they might be the same thing.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
It's, like, he put his cock in my fucking eye.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
So there's that. So I started off with that like cowboy series, which is apt. It's called Chestnut Springs. It's absolutely like vile. OK, nice. And it's awesome.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
And then I got into these like fantasy smut books that all the girlies love called Fourth Wing. And then there's another one called A Court of Thorns and Roses. And this is like I've heard of that one.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
That's very it's it's sloppy.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
It's Game of Thrones, but they're giving blowjobs in war tents.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
Can you believe I wore a blazer to cover them up? I can't believe you're covering them up. Sometimes I'm so not used to having boobs or I'm walking around and I feel like a sloppy whore. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I mean, this girl, this fucking girl is like in battle all day and they're losing the battle. She's, you know, she's fighting, sword, weapon, weapon. And then she gives a blowjob at night. I couldn't imagine. I need 10 hours of that.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
sleep yeah that's a lot of work wait is it like a future fake war is it like World War two so it's like completely fantasy we're in a different it's like yeah it's Game of Thrones it's okay nice it's Lord of the Rings but I'm like a real I'm a nerd like I loved Twilight and vampire books and all of that so this I know I'm really cute um and this is just like feeding into that yeah like Twilight girl all grown up yeah where you're like yeah I'll let up six foot four fairy with bat wings fuck
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
me. You can't get pregnant. You can't get pregnant reading. And Lord knows I've tried. And also, I'm so sick of the men in New York City where I'm like, give me an Illyrian warrior because I'm done. I just dated a Wall Street trader and I'm going to be more fucking bored.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
It's getting scary. But also I feel like I'm ruining it now by reading Smut because now my standards are so high where I'm like, you have to be like the king of like a fairy country.
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
You have to be like a skilled warrior to even like ask me out on a date. And now I meet like a little twink in Union Square and he's like, do you want to go get a cocktail? I'm like, no. Why don't you punch me in the face, grab me by the back of the neck, my neck, and chain me up in your basement and then I'll go out with you. Like, where's the violence?
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Smut, Sexting and Spies With Gabby Bryan
I am single, but I'm a comedian, as you know. And I'm also on tour like crazy. So I'm not really here that much. And then when I'm back, I sort of forget that I'm a human girl. And then I go back into shows. So I actually have completely forgotten to date in a while. And now I'm coming back on the scene like, girl, we have fresh boobs. New titties.