Brynn and Gabby Bryan are new fast friends—but that’s not the only fresh thing in the room. They answer every burning question like how to do a graceful morning-after exit, how to be honest with your partner about their grooming habits, and why Prince Albert should stay in the past. Trust us, you’ll want in on this group chat ASAP. Host: Brynn Whitfield Guest: Gabby Bryan Producers: Belle Roman, Chelsea Stark-Jones, and Kat Spillane Editor: Jon Roemer Theme Song: Devon Renaldo Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: Who are the hosts and guests on this podcast episode?
Welcome back, pleasers. Please give a very warm welcome to the hilarious and possibly more unhinged than me, Gabby Bryan. Gabby is always unfiltered, so I'm betting that she's going to be the best guest ever. Welcome, Gabby. Hello. Welcome to Please See Below, my brand new podcast all about perfecting the art of oversharing.
Here, we mention the unmentionables and talk about topics and things that no one wants to say out loud, but everyone is desperate to know. Gabby Bryan, welcome. What's new? I sense like something, you walked in here glowing with confidence. What is new? I got my boobs done. Fresh boobs. Fresh titties. Fresh boobs. Titties, titties. Woo, we love them fresh over here.
Can you believe I wore a blazer to cover them up? I can't believe you're covering them up. Sometimes I'm so not used to having boobs or I'm walking around and I feel like a sloppy whore. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Chapter 2: What inspired Gabby Bryan to get breast implants?
I feel like I need to put a blazer on them to be like, I have a job. Yeah, yeah. I think, too, the natural inclination to stop wearing, well, mine was to just stop wearing a bra. Yeah. So that didn't help. Cause I'm like, I'm just now not wearing a bra. My nipples are, since I was, I've always been like, I'm perma hard. Same. Yeah. God's blessed us.
And then there's something about getting an implant where they're like, I mean, my nipples could cut diamonds.
Yeah.
Now, now it's like, they're like slicing my shirts. Yeah.
Like a samurai sword. Your shirts are just like rags. Since getting my boobs in, I'm the biggest plastic surgery advocate. Yeah, me too. I was like you. I was an insecure. I just I I had him growing up like one of my boobs. The left developed before the right. So I secretly thought as an 11 year old that I had cancer. I didn't know what cancer was. No, you were just, God gave you lopsided.
Yeah, yeah. I was totally, and then eventually two years later, righty came in, but never fully developed. So I always felt like a monster. And like, I'd be with guys, they couldn't tell. But then a couple of times I'd be like, I'd ask people and I'd show them. They're like, oh yeah, like that one is way bigger.
So I was always like putting padding, like getting a padded bra, but taking the padded out of the left and put it in the right. You doubled up. I doubled up on one side. It was always like, but again, I was still pretty confident. And then I got them done when I was 29 as a,
gift to myself and I was like wait a this was way too easy b I was like I didn't realize how much it was affecting me like every time I'd get ready or all day long I was readjusting my underwear trying to hike I was oh I was always trying to hike my little titties up like they were yeah they were trying to be something they weren't yeah yeah yeah you're imposter syndrome on my little boobs what size were you before
I was A. I was like a double A. A double A?
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Chapter 3: How was Gabby Bryan's breast augmentation surgery and recovery experience?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, no, but you didn't. You just got your boobs done. I just got my boobs done. Yeah, yeah. But give it time. I know. After it's so easy that it's awesome. Wait, but then how did you get home? Don't tell me you were at home.
I didn't Uber home. Well, I had to stay overnight and they like hired a nurse for me. Oh, fancy. Yeah. Okay. So I just had like a little Irish nurse. I think she was Irish or I was on Vicodin.
You're on Vicodin. She sounded like she was Irish.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're totally on Vicodin.
Vicodin and Percocet. Which was awesome. Yeah. I miss it. Yeah. What was your recovery like? Was it tough?
I went on tour one week later.
I was at the Beverly Hills Hotel having brunch the next day. Yeah. Like, it was weird when you have T-Rex arms. Like, I couldn't literally get dressed by myself. Yeah, you're sort of. Because you try to go like this. You're like, ah.
Yeah.
Yeah. But did you freak out when you – first of all, I – you know, you're not supposed to take off the – like, you have to go to the doctor to do the – I totally took mine off. I had to see him.
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Chapter 4: What kinds of smut books does Gabby Bryan enjoy and why?
Jesus, really?
Yeah. That's cheap. How much was hers? Oh, my God, $32,000.
32?
32, yeah, but he's like a god. Oh my god, did he stuff hundreds in there? No, but he does this interesting approach where he lays you out. First of all, he doesn't put your arm. I don't know if every surgeon will probably be like, nobody does that. But he doesn't put your arms like this. He lays you out like Jesus Christ on the crucifix. Yeah, he lays you out like this. Or is it the opposite way?
Yeah, he doesn't let you out like this. That's what most doctors do. I don't know. Anyhow, then they they put different options in you. Then he they you're all like under general aesthetics, lift you up and he brings in the manager and the nurses have gotten to know you. He brings in a bunch of folks. Fucking guys. Dudes off the street. Right. From the game.
No, but he brings in like the manager and the assistant. The nurses have gotten to know you the past few months. And really when you're like, I want D's, I want C's. I don't want to do this. Yeah. They know that you're like all over the place and they got to know you and blah, blah, blah. And then they like he asked the female's opinion, like which one she like.
so they put these in and they're like perfect he put in another one they're like she's gonna hate that because i was like don't make me look trashy yeah and then so then he put back in the other one so he he has this whole thing the the drugs were really great too the anesthetic it was really they they gave me a vicodin before the surgery i was like i thought i couldn't take any meds like honey this is beverly hills they wrapped me up in a cashmere blanket it was like yeah that one of the nurses was super hot i remember they're like here's a prosecco like yeah yeah they're like let's just vibe with this one they're like do you want to stay awake
we're willing to stay awake if you want I want to see what's going on you pay extra no but they were really really lovely but he Beverly Hills is expensive I think you're paying partly for like the address well of course first of all of course and there's a reason I went to New Jersey because I didn't want to pay Manhattan prices yeah yeah and I also didn't need like a lift in a you know some people get fat sucked out of their ass and they put it in there which I kind of
But, yeah, mine was easy. They just went.
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Chapter 5: How does Gabby Bryan describe her dating life and experiences in New York?
It's Game of Thrones, but they're giving blowjobs in war tents.
Like, it's crazy. Wait, I saw your bit on TikTok about this. I laughed so hard when you were like, you're talking about this and about giving blowjobs in war tents. And then you go blowjobs. You're like, I got, I got to drink a Celsius before. And I was like, should I be drinking Celsius before blowjobs? Well, you got to get your energy up if you're going to do that. That's a crazy move.
I mean, this girl, this fucking girl is like in battle all day and they're losing the battle. She's, you know, she's fighting, sword, weapon, weapon. And then she gives a blowjob at night. I couldn't imagine. I need 10 hours of that.
sleep yeah that's a lot of work wait is it like a future fake war is it like World War two so it's like completely fantasy we're in a different it's like yeah it's Game of Thrones it's okay nice it's Lord of the Rings but I'm like a real I'm a nerd like I loved Twilight and vampire books and all of that so this I know I'm really cute um and this is just like feeding into that yeah like Twilight girl all grown up yeah where you're like yeah I'll let up six foot four fairy with bat wings fuck
me. You can't get pregnant. You can't get pregnant reading. And Lord knows I've tried. And also, I'm so sick of the men in New York City where I'm like, give me an Illyrian warrior because I'm done. I just dated a Wall Street trader and I'm going to be more fucking bored.
So how bad are men in New York that it makes you feel inclined that you need to read smut on the L train? It's...
It's getting scary. But also I feel like I'm ruining it now by reading Smut because now my standards are so high where I'm like, you have to be like the king of like a fairy country.
Of like a kingdom that doesn't exist in another universe.
You have to be like a skilled warrior to even like ask me out on a date. And now I meet like a little twink in Union Square and he's like, do you want to go get a cocktail? I'm like, no. Why don't you punch me in the face, grab me by the back of the neck, my neck, and chain me up in your basement and then I'll go out with you. Like, where's the violence?
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Chapter 6: What are Gabby Bryan’s thoughts on dating men in finance and height preferences?
Who cares?
Really? I feel like it's asking. You're tall, right?
Yeah. I'm 5'10". I'm 5'10", too. Yeah. This is not about, like, manners with us. We are just tall women.
Yeah.
And I want to wear a fun shoe. Yeah.
I like a fun shoe.
She likes a fun shoe. So I say in my bio, I say I'm 5'10". Yeah. Know that before investing in my company. That's my bio. And then I ask them straight up. I say, how tall are you?
Yeah. This is, I need to know. I need to add back to my bio. I used to say, I'm 5'10", and I would say, you better be funnier than me, taller than me. What was the other one? I think richer than me. I don't know. No, not richer. Richer than me. I was like, you have to be. And then they'd always, it was a good line. I would be like, well, maybe I can get like two out of three. Can I see?
I'm like, well, which ones? Yeah, tell me which ones. Yeah, I have to have.
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Chapter 7: How does Gabby Bryan balance her comedy career and personal life while on tour?
Yeah, that's the thing.
And I'm such a little fucking sub in relationships because I'm such a dom in real life.
Yeah, same. Where it's like. I'm a wannabe sub.
Yeah.
Yeah. And you're just like, please tell me what to do.
I'm begging you to tell me what to do. I'm so busy answering emails that I don't have time to plan regular life. Yeah. You do that while mommy's working.
Yeah. Yeah. Or I just say, like, can I sit on your lap as I type your emails? That's awesome. Yeah. Do you need help with your emails? Yeah. Do you want to sit on your lap by typing in emails? I'll book the tickets. I think I did that actually once. You did? In an office. That's so hot. I won't say which one. I was like 25. It was with a VP. It was so embarrassing. What? Pre-Me Too. Oh, God.
It was so embarrassing. Good times.
Wait, I've never even met a VP.
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Chapter 8: What are Gabby Bryan's funniest and most memorable date stories?
I hate the box. I went a year ago or something and I hadn't been in like 10 years. And I go and I was like, I got to get out of here. It's like bad. But then sure enough, I like get invited or like the table next to me. I was trying to like get away from the stage because we were right in the front. It's like Blue Man Group of like bodily fluids. Yeah, yeah.
So I, like, try to go back, and this guy's, like, here, and he puts his arm around me. And the next thing I know, I'm, like, making out with him, and he's, like, choking me as we're making out. Well, it's the box. Yeah, it's the box. And I was, like – and I left, and I was, like, I'm never going back to the box again. Oh, I love the box. Really?
Yes. Oh, I see that for you. When I was in college, I dated the lighting designer of the box, so I would just go alone all the time while he was working. And it's very – talk about being alone in an airport. Yeah. Being alone at the box, witnessing what you witness. Oh, my God. Like, sitting – I would just sit in one of the upper booths and watch like this. Yes.
out of body experience like a queen i felt like a spy yeah yeah we should get dressed up and wear wigs and go to the box we have to buy i want to bring back so every time that my friends have an issue with guys i'm always like should we get wigs and trench coats and go stalk him like let's give binoculars let's go let's go let's be three babies in a trench coat yeah we already air tagged him we know where he is
Have you ever air-tagged a guy? No, no, no.
What's the craziest thing you've done with a guy? I'm actually not crazy, and I hate to, like, pop the... It's so boring. I know. I'm pretty, like, calm in a relationship because I'm so crazy on stage. Yeah. So I really am just like Nara Smith. Yeah. I'm just like a cutie pie.
Yeah. If you had... I date crazies, though. You date crazies. Yeah, they're the crazy one. If you did do something nuts, what would it be, do you think? Would it be the craziest thing to be like going through a guy's phone? So you've never even gone through a guy's phone? I've never gone through a guy's phone. I really haven't done that a lot. I've never been cheated on. Lucky you. I know.
I don't think I have enough trauma with men.
But you're a comedian.
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